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jrunswick · Sep 21, 2007, 09:34 AM

Hello
I was wonderring if you can give me some advice about the father signing his rights over to me and my boyfriend. MY boyfriend and I are planing to get married some time next year . My boyfriend aaron rasied him sense he's was 5 months old until now. So Aaron is alll he's knows as a father figure. But if we need to get married sooner so he can adopt my son . We will do so. My soon to be husband Aaron wants to adopt my son.
If the fathers thinks that's the best thing for our son and he's never seen and met him. Could it be possible and what do we do ? If we both agree to let my boyfriend aaron adopt him. Is that possiable Because he wants my son to have a stable and safe life. That's being with me and my boyfriend Aaron .
The reason we agree to it because he's unstable and has to other child that he's needs to support, but not through court. Hes also told me he's in a financial bind he's losing alll his money to me. So we decited what's best for the child. And he's can't not afford to pay for him . MY soon to be husband and I can . My boyfriend aaron and I have been supporting my kids togerther for 6 months now. And I have been supportting him myself before that . So I can financial support my child for ever. With out him.

PLease get back to me asap and let me know what we can do to m,ake this happen for my child. Jamie

canadianzuzzie · Sep 21, 2007, 09:41 AM

If you are asking if it is possible for him to sign over all parental rights... it is. I was adopted by my maternal Aunt and therefore my natural father had to do so.. otherwise I could not be adopted. I imagine him signing over parental rights also negates his fianancial responsibilities towards that child as well which may be a relief to him. I am not sure the lawers cost involved but I imagine that it would be 2 fold.. him signing over rights and the adoption itself.

jrunswick · Sep 21, 2007, 09:53 AM

So its possible? He can sign all rights over to me and my boyfriend? So what do I do to get this started? My ex is leaving it up 2 me? And we have to be married for my boyfriend to adopt my son? If so then we will.

jrunswick · Sep 21, 2007, 09:57 AM

So what do I do to get this party started . I need to know what to do first to getting him to sign all rights over to my boyfriend aaron? He's willing so no problems here. Just need some help step by step... thanks jamie

canadianzuzzie · Sep 21, 2007, 10:44 AM

Yes it is possible... but as far as the financial responsibilities you would have to sign off on them... although it may come as a natural consequence of the adoption. Contact a family lawyer and get him to draw up the paperwork... then I assume the Bio father just needs to sign and that would pretty much be that assuming he is in agreement. As far as the adoption is concerned, I am not positive if marriage would be REQUIRED as you are the legal guardian and therefore are permitting it. It would be different if you both were adopting a non-bio child. THere may be a home visit though, there was with me and that was 30+ years ago. But if he signs off on the child then basically if the child is adopted or not is up to YOU.

jrunswick · Sep 21, 2007, 10:48 AM

Where Can I get the papers for the father to sign over his rights. I can't afford a lawyer. Will I need one? I hope not... I need some kind of direction... What do I do first? He's willing to do it asap . What shall we do first. I have a restaining order on him that started 2005 and still active. Do I need to stop the restraing order so we can talk and figure what to do or can I keep it as is and get this handled. Please write me back and help me out. Thanks jamie

ScottGem · Sep 21, 2007, 10:49 AM

First get married! One of the main reasons that a termination of parental rights is granted is to clear the way for adoption. But the court will want a step father to adopt not a boyfriend or even a fiancée. So as soon as you get married, you submit a petition in family court for your now husband to adopt. Part of the process will be for the bio father to relinquish his rights.

You will need to get an attorney to walk you through the process. The atty will contact me him to get the forms necessary.

jrunswick · Sep 21, 2007, 10:53 AM

Thanks does this attorney cost money I hope not and how much ?

ScottGem · Sep 21, 2007, 10:54 AM

Yes a attorney will cost, but you have tme to save up. Call around and get estimates. This should not be too expensive, maybe a few hundred dollars. But it will vary depending on your area and the complexity of the adoption.

macksmom · Sep 21, 2007, 11:02 AM

If both parties are in agreement it is possible that you can do it on your own. But it is going to be a lit of time, paperwork, and research. You call down to the courthouse in your area and ask them what papers you need to file and start there.

But it is MUCH MUCH easier if you just save the money and get an attorney. It will save you a lot of time and headache, and it will take out the possibility that you miss paperwork and don't file everything you need. You need to keep in mind, even trying to do it yourself will cost money... courts charge for any filing of papers. As Scott said, it shouldn't be too much to get an attorney... especially since both parties are in agreement. It will be basically just the attorney filing the papers. You can call around, a lot of attorney give free consultations.

jrunswick · Sep 21, 2007, 11:02 AM

So do I have to be married right now in order for him to sign alll rights over if he's willing? Were not ready yet to be married but we will if we need to too for my child.

macksmom · Sep 21, 2007, 11:10 AM

Most judges want the person adopting to be a husband, and most judges want you to be married at least a year. You would need to check the laws where you live and see if they require the same thing.

If you aren't ready to get married yet, don't! You don't want the stress of getting married when your not ready ultimately end your marriage!

You already said the bio father doesn't have any involvement with the child, so what's the rush? I would just keep things as they are until you are in a stable marriage, and can go forward with the adoption without rushing into it.

ScottGem · Sep 21, 2007, 11:14 AM

I totally agree with Macksmom. When judges grant an adoption ESPECIALLY when it involves a relinquishment of rights, they want to see stability and commitment. Why should they think your boyfriend is commitment to being the father of your son if he hasn't married you?

But don't rush into marriage just to adopt. You have indicated the father has had nothing to do with your son up to this point so what is your rush? Save your money for an attorney. They can advise you WHEN to file as well as what to file. It will be money well spent.

jrunswick · Sep 21, 2007, 11:31 AM

The father of the child wants to do what's best the child that's giving all his rights over to me . Because he has to other children to take care of and he's in a financal bind and its pissing him off . So sense he's has never seen him or is not on the birth certific and can't finacally support him . Do u think they will let him sign all rights over to me. And then have my boyrfriend adopt him later when we get married.

ScottGem · Sep 21, 2007, 11:38 AM

Probably not. First it appears he's trying to relinquish just to get out of child support and that doesn't fly. But like we have told you, terminating parental rights, whether voluntarily or involuntarily is a difficult process. The court is not likely to allow it.

jrunswick · Sep 21, 2007, 11:41 AM

So u have to be married for him to sign his rights ? Or not

macksmom · Sep 21, 2007, 11:58 AM

You need to check the laws where you live.

In Ohio, a father (or mother for that matter) cannot willingly sign over right, even if both parties are in agreement, unless there is someone willing to adopt the child. And in Ohio, it would have to be your husband, and you have to be married a year.

Trust me, I went through it. My daughters father agreed to sign over his rights, so I jumped right on it. My attorney said the laws had changed and I had to have someone willing to adopt her in his place. I even went as far as seeing if my mother could adopt her in his place, and I was told no... I would then have to say I was unfit to care for my daughter and all rights would go to my mother... so of course I didn't do that either.

You said he is not on the birth certificate... is there a court order for child support? If not, just stop taking money from him. There... that will solve your problems until you are married and can go ahead with the adoption. I just don't see why you are rushing into this if the bio father isn't excersicing any of the rights he has now.

jrunswick · Sep 21, 2007, 12:01 PM

I have a restraining order on him for three years. Because of domestic violence, I have records of emails, recording of threats and threated to kill my mom and So on... Its at the police dept meant. He was acholic and drug user when I was with and broke up. He went to jail 2 or 3 times because he broke restraining order... so after that I haven't heard from him until welfare got o hold of him this year... He didn't even know that he had a son . Hes never seen him or on the birth certific. And so he doesn't feel right to jumping into the child's life now and confuse the child now when he's attched to my boyfriend. So we want to do what's right for out child. That's to sign rights over. Hes an unfit parent and he never reallly to resopsabllity of his other 2 kids until now. Not through courts... So ill do anything to have him sign alll right over and he fills the same. Do you think that's a good enough reason. Or do I need to look for more reasons he should remain with me

macksmom · Sep 21, 2007, 12:08 PM

You OP was not about weather the child should stay with you or not... it was about having your boyfriend adopt him.

Why would you think your child wouldn't stay with you? Is the bio father wanting visitation?

And because welfare contacted him... I was going to include that in my last post but didn't, now I will. The courts, at least in Ohio, will not let the father sign over all rights just solely to the mother. There has to be someone to adopt the child and assume financial responsibility. The courts don't want to give yet another excuse for a mother to go on welfare, which can easily be done if the mother is the only one legally responsible for supporting the child.

He seems to be mad because it looks like he will be having to pay child support. An easy was to solve this would be to get off welfare... you said you and your boyfriend could support the child. If you are receiving aid from the state, of course they are going to look for someone else to support the child instead of the tax payers. So once off welfare, don't file for child support. There... easy as that... no child support, no visitation, then wait to do the adoption when the time is right.

ScottGem · Sep 21, 2007, 12:22 PM

What's best for the child is a stable family environment. Do you have that? If you are on welfare that might not be the case.

You keep harping on the signing over of rights. If you are on welfare, there is NO way the courts are going to let him sign over rights so the taxpayer has to pay.

I'm going to make it crystal clear. THE ONLY WAY THE COURTS ARE GOING TO ALLOW HIM TO RELINQUISH HIS RIGHTS IS IF YOUR HUSBAND AGREES TO ADOPT! Note the emphasis on husband, not boyfriend or fiancée but husband.