[Makiavelic76]

My excuses for everybody by the following, I really need to vent this out of my chest:

Things I did for her:

Respect her, love her, be faithful, be compassive to her, be her friend for 3 years and 4 months.
Be supportive to all her problems, try to listen to her the few things she wanted to express from her inner ghosts. Even with her drug abuse problems, I choose to be there and try her to help her realize the damage of that.
It was the first girl that I ever gave a ring, she gave it back to me, in just one fight. She asked back the ring, I just couldn't give her back, I wasn't ready.
I gave her a percentage of my incomes so she can open a bank account for our living together plan. She never opened the account, in one of our break ups, I asked for the money, she spent some of it, without asking me.
I forgive her all the times she impulsively break up with me and come back saying that she love me and that wasn't what she really wanted.
I introduce her and open the intimacy of family home. They all accept her because of me.
I stop been so socially so she can't be so distrusting, specially about other women. I was always walking over eggs with this.
I was her first man and I was a complete gentleman. Never put a single pressure on her about it.
I support her for not quitting the university.
I was there taking care her in all her sickness
I invested my money on a small business, put her name as the owner, so she can have some financial stability. She threw it and abandon the business in just one fight. She spent again part of the money of this business. I just gave her the business instead of taking it from her. I paid the business debts. I didn't want to be attached by any means to her.
I was there to give her warm when her family mistreat her with verbal and psychological abuse.
I treated her like a Princess
She had all my passion, but she never believe in that.
I did have my mistakes but I always try to say sorry but sorry wasn't enough for her. She waited until I came to say sorry, just to say It's too late.

And for every single thing pointed here, she has something to argue and despise against each one of them.
... And she claims that I never did I single thing to move our relationship to the next step.

I did everything I could.. Why she could not see all this?

[Makiavelic76]

I'm moving on... that's THE decision. It's getting depressed these days, I know I don't have to wonder what she thinks, or what's happening behind the curtains. She took the way out of my life again so I'm done with this.
My head it's fighting the urges of rationalize everything, but I did my homework. The list of things I dislike from her is started, also how much I have tolerated things I shouldn't.

What to do to ease that pain of feeling that I gave too much and received so little?
Got another question:
I just took the decision of change my passwords of my email accounts and also blocked her from to email me, block her from message me on myspace and closed the business bank account we had. Was that too hard from me? Since she accused me (when she broke up with me) that she "knows" Im seeing some other girl. Which is totally wrong. It's the same tendency of her continuos distrusting coming out of blue.

I just tell her when she broke up with me she can keep the 1st trimester incomes to her self and what she owns me too. This would be a hard resentment for me to overcome if she comes back or with other girl, and I don't want to travel with that trauma in my future life.

I'm sorry but I'm in such of emotional rollercoster that blinds my common sense.

[Makiavelic76]

It's been 1 week since she broke up with me, and also the NC applied by me. I still fighting these feelings of been giving too much and received so little.

I'm also starting to feel anger and rage just remembering all her crude and harsh phrases, specially when I was at my most vulnerable stage with her (when I was going to say sorry or just want it to talk about problems, etc). Ok, I'm not saying that I slip many times raising my tone of voice due to the impotence of she's continuously not hearing me or interrupting me. But I was aware of that, and I stopped and say sorry. But again she replied with things 10 times crude.

She text message me today, saying if I have her CD's she wants them back, and she can come to take them (she knows I don't keep that music), maybe it's and attempt of her to get close again, maybe it's not. I just didn't answer that. She was too simply always. When she wanted something by me, I had to make time to bring them to her, even if I was mad at her, but in the other way, she just send a text message... I'm not there for her no more.

That's the rage in feel now, is this healthy? Does anyone recognize this feeling? Am I on the right track here?

[Makiavelic76]

OK here's some update... I been going on with NC by now. She IMS me from last night telling me how can I put on my space "I want to be happy than ever". She wrote me, how can I be so cruel? Asking me if she only wants to know if I'm happy than ever now. I didn't answer anything, she kept IMS me and called me at my cel, writing other things, but all acusing me I'm the one screw up everything.

I wanted to keep the NC thing until she starts to acuse me "she knows that I spent the weekend with other girl", which I didn't. I was lonely as a wolf. I was wondering if she probably getting back for the right reasons. (A little hope I had). I aswered her IMS telling her how she's totally misinformed and asking her clearly that what is her purpose to know if "im happy or not" after she broke up with me. But then things started to get messy, she's start saying that she expected more of me (after the break up), like I'm 100% the responsible. Then of course, I wrote her that besides the fact she broke up again, and abandon the relationship, she seems to be willing to keep not recognizing her own mistakes or validate my feelings also. She dodged so well that I even notice it until I was starting to feel guilt again. I don't understand why some woman are so crafty on this.
I just say to her again, well you broke up with me and why are u interested on my ways or feelings. She said more things that make feel it's my fault. Then she said she not asking me to get back together but she just wanted to know, if I'm happy like I put on my space.
God!!
How to know if someone is back for the right reasons?
Why she wants to mess with my mind after she dumped me?

[Makiavelic76]

This thing is taking me real hard work, it's rough path but is the right one, I know in my mind. Especially since she starts to contact me again (the little bread pieces on the floor style). I can see now more clearly than before, she's not coming back for the right reasons, she not trying to fix anything between us, I only can see she's wants to know if I'm still around for her.
She message me the other day she's going to go on a trip and she wants to know if I'm really happy alone now?. why she kept doing this things? Wow maybe she's the most manipulate person that I ever met.
I just reply to her it's useless for her to ask me that.
Yesterday, she message me saying "what great thing you want someone do to you? Something you can say I would never forget this"
I didn't reply that no more...
I go with my LIST in my pocket just to remember me, the why's and how's...
But still thinking about how it would be the right reasons for her to come back, without been so blinded by my stiff position of moving on.

I would appreaciate some imputs here fellas!
Thank you so much