[tchur1]

My daughter moved into her own apartment at the age of 27. I never realized how immature she is until she left home. Here is a list of things I observe and am wondering if it would benefit her for me talk to her about these behaviors. I have just kept out of her personal problems but am going "nuts" not doing so. I cry and lose sleep often. She is not behaving like an adult. She is living in a non-real world. Her dad and I both taught her by word and example.
We go over to her apt. which she shares with one of her girlfriends. She doesn't make her bed (says she just gets in it again at night). She always made her bed at home.
She came home for a couple of days because she had strep throat and didn't want to infect her roommate because she is a first year teacher. When she returned to her apt. she left two bags on our front porch(sep. 20) , one in which has an Easter candy bag filled with melted candy and lots of ants; the other bag has two items of new clothing with the tags still on them. When I went to put some clothes in the dryer, I noticed she had left a load of clothes there (five days) and were still damp. If her clothes are wrinkled she doesn't take time to iron them. She doesn't take showers everyday leaving her hair oily and little white flakes in her hair. She went to college full time and worked full time. She was placed on probation in her junior year as she skipped classes. She promised us she would do better but ended up being placed on suspension for two semesters.
I suggested she go to H&R Block to help her with her income tax this year because she
Has an out of state income for a year. I have found out she has not filed her taxes yet this year. I could really go on and on. I am desperate. I don't know where I failed.
I am a teacher who has always believed in a good education and self-discipline.
I will admit that this beautiful adopted daughter of ours is a great joy to us.
I do think I did not place more demands upon her while growing up.
Any suggestions you would have would be very greatly appreciated.
I would really like to know if it would be OK for me to have a heart to heart talk with her.
Then I worry that this would blow any self-esteem she may have.
She has worked everyday since she has been 16. She is a very dedicated worker and received plaques and awards for her outstanding work. This job has been her safety net; it's like her cocoon where she feels very safe.

[Varoth]

She sounds like she needs a good shake up. You can gradually force her to improve herself, or you can show what will become of herself if this keeps going on. Usually that scares them enough to improve.

[J_9]

Mom,

You have done your job. You have raised your child. Now she is making the choices she wants to make. It's time to let her fly on her own, no matter what you think about her choices. She will have to learn and never will if you are always on her back and mothering her.

Sure she made her bed at home, because it's what she knew you wanted. Now she has her own home, with her own rules, and you need to respect that.

While her choices may be bad in your eyes. She has to make them on her own and deal with the consequences on her own. She is a grown woman now.

If you make "suggestions" no matter how lightly, you are not allowing her to be an adult on her own. You will still be mothering her.

Keep your lips zipped and turn your head, LOL. It's time to let her go.

I know your pain, as I have 4 children of my own and 2 are adults and living on their own. I may not like the choices they make, but they are adults and have to learn to do it by themselves.

Stand by her, support her, but let her be a grown up. She is getting close to 30 after all.

[danielnoahsmommy]

She is an adult and you need to back off( with all due respect of course). She will be embarrassed by her hygene and change

[J_9]

Varoth agrees: yeah, although I still like my idea. I even had a complicated plot to get it to work.it involved hamsters.

Your idea may be well and good for a teen, or even someone still living at home. But we are talking about someone close to 30.

It's time to cut the apron strings and let her be the adult.