[Loser2301]

I can't stand all this anymore,I feel like this every fuc**n day of my life.I have one friend only and I know she's only taking advantage of me in a way and not her nor my family can't understand what kind of hell happens inside my head... And I can't explain it myself.I can't go see a therapist cause I have no money to pay him and the ones I already went for free toled me something like "you're the only one who can help yourself"-and I honestly CAN'T or I would so far.Last few years I did all kind of stupid s**t to myself like cutting,drinking etc (I used to go out all the time back then and kind of had a life even though it had no any point)-in last year and a half I almost stopped doing anything with it so now I'm 19(female),to school I go to fail exams only (while everyone of my age are at the college now),I don't work or something cause I lost my communicative abilities around strangers-and I feel like incompetent crap.Don't want to put pressure on you with writing "you're my only hope left" down but if there's anything you can say to help me PLEASE do it.It HURTS me too much to be alive and do things everyone should do on daily bases,I can't do anything again till I solve this.Ask me any questions and I'll reply to them all-I just beg of you not to ignore me.And sorry about my English,I come from Serbia.Btw I have kind of normal problems (few regrets,a bit strange family,one thing I'm afraid to write down cause it's going to get real if I say it,low self esteem,hate directed towards myself,fears,nightmares etc),I just am not capable to cope with them.O god while I'm writing this I can already see it has no point:(Whatever,thanks in advance

[PaulEdwardson]

Hi. Sounds like you're going through a really difficult time. I've had both really good and really terrible times in my life. (I'm 53, an American guy teaching English in Asia). Sounds like you could use a friend, too. I can be your friend if you'd like. (I'll send me email address to you, so you can email me directly if you want to.) In my most difficult times, times when I didn't want to go on living, what kept me going was my belief that God loves me and that He could get me through the dark time and bring joy once again. Are you open to talking about God and Jesus? Do you believe in Him or pray to Him? The Bible teaches that God loves us and that we are each valuable to Him, that we each have special gifts and talents that He can teach us how to use to help others. Well, I'll stop here for now, but feel free to email me if you'd like to communicate further...

[PaulEdwardson]

Hi. Me again. I sent a private message to you with my email address. You'll need to check your private message inbox to see the message.