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bootzie · Sep 11, 2007, 06:55 PM

I have been dating a married man for almost 3 years now. I had my tubes tied 6 years ago and in May I got pregnant. I felt, as I'm sure you all can guess he did to, that an abortion was the only way to go. So on July 31 I had it done. Hardest thing I ever did in my life! Now things with us are sour, but I still love him dearly. One day he will call and want to talk and the next he wants left alone. This whole mess is breaking my heart. I know the best thing is to walk away but I can't. Can someone please give some real advice and not just put me down for having the affair to begin with! :confused:

GlindaofOz · Sep 11, 2007, 06:58 PM

I'm not trying to make you feel bad but what do you hope to accomplish in this relationship? Clearly it can go no further then where it is at now as he is married.

How many years will waste on someone who is "having his cake and eating it too".

Do you not feel that you are worthy of having someone to yourself?

Again I'm not judging I'm just curious what you are looking for here.

rkim291968 · Sep 11, 2007, 08:00 PM

The guy is using you no matter what he is saying to you. I am amazed you stuck with him 4 3 years.

letmetellu · Sep 11, 2007, 08:02 PM

This is your life and I say live it the way it makes you happy, I also say that you are not happy now or you would not be writing for advice.
I am not sure that you were 100% ready to get an abortion, I have an idea that he had most of the input. But if you are satisfied with sharing him with some one else, some one he goes home to at night, some one that he shares children with, some one that he spends the holidays with, some one that he goes to Church with on Sunday morning, then I would say more power to you and enjoy your life to the fullest.

talaniman · Sep 11, 2007, 08:08 PM

Either use this whole experience to learn from your mistakes, and move on to a happier place, and leave this guy alone, OR, stay with him, and be miserable and drown in yourself made shat!! Please make the right choice. Get some counseling if you need help making this decision.

Fr_Chuck · Sep 11, 2007, 08:14 PM

I do hope he is paying enough of your bills to be worth it, Sugar daddy I think they call it. Beyond that, you get second best, and the family gets the best, Wonder if he buys you and his wife some of the same gifts, makes shoping easier I guess.

Not sure what you want people to say, nothing good comes from this

bootzie · Sep 12, 2007, 05:28 AM

Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

I'm not trying to make you feel bad but what do you hope to accomplish in this relationship? Clearly it can go no further then where it is at now as he is married.

How many years will waste on someone who is "having his cake and eating it too".

Do you not feel that you are worthy of having someone to yourself?

Again I'm not judging I'm just curious what you are looking for here.

I don't know what I am looking for, all I know is that I love him very much and for me to be without him in my life scares me. I don't want to be without him. I know that I need to let this go but I don't know how. It doesn't bother me that he goes home every night because I enjoy living alone. I do so cherish every minute that we are able to steal, but I feel like I am holding, dangling from a rope waiting for him to pull me in. Sometimes I feel like my chest is caving in cause I am so scared of what I won't have if he leaves me. I know that all of this is wrong anyway but it's too late to think of right or wrong-I LOVE HIM

Fr_Chuck · Sep 12, 2007, 05:36 AM

You know back in the day, I loved to drink, I did not believe I could go on without it, And I found it hard to walk away. But latter I discovered that without it, I was free to be a much better person and could find new things to enjoy more.

Also remember he still loves his wife and family more than you, so your love is not really returned. I just see such a waste of time and energy on something that is just one sided.

GlindaofOz · Sep 12, 2007, 07:24 AM

You need to go cold turkey. You are addicted to this man. Clearly he feeds something inside of you that you are incapable of giving yourself. You have to decide that you love yourself more and are more willing to make good, healthy decisions for yourself then stay in a severely unhealthy situations for one more day. I would also recommend therapy (if you are not already in it). When women latch onto to married men there are much, much larger issues at play.

LearningAsIGo · Sep 12, 2007, 07:30 AM

You CAN walk away and you must.

You deserve better; this man is walking all over you.
You're scared to be alone, but you shouldn't be! You already live by yourself, so you're capable of making it without him. The "thrill" can still be felt with another, unmarried man, so you don't need this one to do the trick. He's "dangling" you along... you live on his whims, and wait for his calls... that's no life! You can date someone else and still live alone if you like. You can date someone else who will actually respect and love you in return.

Just leave him for your own good! You deserve better, you really really do. He already has a wife and he'll find another mistress.

talaniman · Sep 12, 2007, 03:25 PM

Sorry Bootzie, but you don't love him. You love the attention he gives, and the time he spends. I think you need it in some way because its easier than putting your life on a healthy track, and getting your own attention from some one who will be there for you on a full time basis. Your just scared to try, and this is an easy way out for you.