[BANISH]

I'm not a pill popper, I'm not suicidal, I'm not a negative person..

But lately I've turned into.. someone who inside, myself.. I think I'm going crazy and that sad part is.. I'm aware of this.. I've had nervous break downs due to stress even though I can see that other people have more and worse problems than I do.. but that's when I don't care because I don't live their lives.. I live mine so mine our the only ones I can care or do anything about..

On 9/9/07 I took 4 and 4 sudafed I didn't know how to feel after the effects kicked in. but for some reason I liked it.. I liked feeling.. like there's no need to give a care in the world about anything.. I stopped drinking alcohol and smoking weed, there's no point to any of those..

I don't become addicted to anything I must have to strongest case of will power known to man.. I'm well aware of everything that I do..

But there's and end to everything.. and my end is not knowing what to do next.. I don't even really know what I'm asking for.. I hate almost everyone stuffed in my life.. I trust no one.. not even myself.. believe nothing.. and I don't believe in god or religion or.. pretty much anything.. I use to love trance and screamo type music.. bands suck as from first to last and circa survive and saosin.. but now I can't stop listening to coldplay, lifehoue, audioslave, or joseph aurthur.. but the songs make me fee good.. in a sad way..

I'm an actor, and not in a metephorical sense.. in a literal one.. I do movies and commercials.. some of you who know who I am if you seen me.. my point being.. I love the feel of a movie, like my life is a movie.. having those perfect times with the perfect song in the background.. lately I've loved the way its been in an emotional way.. what's wrong with me.. why have I become this way..

Please help me..

[bushg]

My heart goes out to you. You really seem to be very depressed in your life. Why not go talk to a medical doctor to start with and see what they think. There is no shame or weakness in seeking help. It does not matter who you are. Good luck and may you find some peace in life.