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Romefalls19 · Jan 21, 2008, 01:12 PM

Yea, it is best to keep it private. Although I know the guy she has been hanging out with and he is such a tool and really I don't see him as a challenged at all and I was even told by her friend he is just there to see if I get jealous... So who knows.. We will see what happens but the pain in nothaving her in mylife would be too much you know?

spartan24018 · Jan 21, 2008, 01:18 PM

I guess when you do NC right, good things happen. Haha but in all seriousness, that's a good insight look into it. I was thinking that she's jealous and nosey or she worries about losing me. I don't even know why she would contact me again. We've known each other for 2 years and she dumped me right at the day before our homecoming dance. So low of her. Anyway, I'm not really sure if I want her back into my life. No one has replaced her and she has one of a kind personality, she's cute and she's fun to hang out with. I guess I want to be friends with her, but should I make friends with her or should I let her approach me?

confused25 · Jan 21, 2008, 01:22 PM

Romefalls19: Yeah I absolutely understand. However, at the same time don't allow yourself to get into a position where you're emotionally in pain because you're having to hear about other guys she is dating. Personally I believe you can be a part of her life without having to know the details about her relationships with other men. When you've truly moved on and are ready to give her dating advice then sure you can sit there and listen, but for now it's too early and talking about one another's personal lives will only create problems. Take it slow and one step at a time.

Romefalls19 · Jan 21, 2008, 01:25 PM

Yep.. I feel as though talking and showing her I can be that guy again will do wonders for me emotionally... Because we started as friends before when there was another guy in the picture and had no intention of dating and then it happened so who knows.. Fate is funny like that

ISneezeFunny · Jan 21, 2008, 01:28 PM

Why is it that the rebound is always a tool?. is it the fact that WE think they're tools? I've looked into this... all my friends think my ex's rebound is a tool... obviously.

Then I looked into what other people thought. I experimented. During a conversation within my study group, we brought up the people that I saw at a bar recently. I brought up "the new guy" and my entire study group, with disgust on their faces, said, I HATE THAT KID.. . they don't know about my situation... they don't know about anything. For some reason, he really is a tool.

I went further. Found out that really, most of my ex's friends don't like him except for 2 people... and the two people happen to be dating one another. So the group is... my ex, the new guy, and those two people. Double dating, I guess. A lot of my ex's friends have stopped or have decreased talking to her... and actually have been calling me to hang out with them.

Someone should do a sociology thesis on this.

confused25 · Jan 21, 2008, 01:28 PM

Romefalls19: There you go! I think you got the right idea. Hopefully things work out for you, if not then at least you kept a good friend. No one knows what will happen, but that's what makes life exciting.

confused25 · Jan 21, 2008, 01:34 PM

Spartan24018: You don't have to do anything, she has already approached you through the MySpace message. You said you want to be friends, and if your honest about that and you have no intentions aside from that then message her back. I would say something like "Well you didn't need to go that far to see my account. If you wanted to be friends you should of told me. Well your added, I hope all is going well. Later!"

As always though, proceed with caution. Only message her back if you really are ready to be just friends.

Romefalls19 · Jan 21, 2008, 01:52 PM

Exactly... "Love is funny in a car crash sort of way" and ISneeze.. yea, it's weird. Everyone else sees this kid a total tool, he becomes WAY to attached to a girl, even after telling him "we're just friends" he will send like 50+ myspace messages anytime a girl shows any interest in him. I laugh it off and I'm like whatever you want to do. He has even told my ex "I'll beat his *** if you want me too" and my ex's response (told to me from 3 different people that we're there) "that's really sweet, but he would kick the crap out of you, no offense"

ISneezeFunny · Jan 21, 2008, 03:06 PM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

He has even told my ex "I'll beat his *** if you want me too" and my ex's response (told to me from 3 different people that we're there) "that's really sweet, but he would kick the crap out of you, no offense"

Don't you love that? It's happened to me as well. They were talking about me and the new guy apparently said WANT ME TO TAKE CARE OF HIM? And my ex looks at him, smiles, then goes... YOU MAY NOT Want to TRY. And her friends in the room then continue... YOU MIGHT END UP IN A DITCH SOMEWHERE. Then he didn't say anything.

Romefalls19 · Jan 21, 2008, 03:26 PM

I love it... Granted, I'm not the biggest guy but work out a lot and have been in my fair share of fights... But to see how much of a tool this guy is and say he could take me and the fact she shot him down very quickly was like... Wow.. dude you must have felt very little after that blow

MLB33 · Jan 21, 2008, 08:06 PM

Ok GOD!! Turn of events - I told you she text me and I waited a day and resonded. Then did everything right, 3 text and said I had to go to do something I don't know she said she would talk to me later. BUT NOOO, my fat mouth had to keep talking. I had sent something along the lines of "its too hard for me to talk to you do you think we should just not talk b/c im tryin to move on." Then she said "I see how you feel, good luck with whatever." So I felt the need to tell her I still loved her and all that crap. Its absolutley freakin amazing how that works. Long story short I called her today and she said she felt the same way she did 2 weeks ago. That she loved me and hoped it worked out in the future but it just wasn't working right now. So, like any fool, I told her everything. I told her I knew I wasn't suppose to be telling her this stuff but how I missed her and blah blah. Who's the tool here haha geez. She agreed we couldn't be friends. So its about 10pm now and I just sent her 4 text in a row.

To sum them up I said that I tried to find something to hang onto when I was talking to her on the phone but she never gave me any signs of wanting to be with me. That its OK if she wants to be single and that she's enjoying it because she should put herself first. I just hate that it happened this way. But if she really loved me like she said then there was no way she would let me go and that I finally realized that she was just letting me down easy. That I made a HUGE mistake when I broke up with her a year ago and that she's a great girl and I hoped things worked out for her. I ended it with, I really meant it when I said I loved her with all my heart, just so you don't leave thinking anything else.

Did I do OK? I really screwed the pooch when I kept texting earlier. So now its back to NC. Somebody PLEASE give me some direction.

ISneezeFunny · Jan 21, 2008, 09:33 PM

Wow. Screwed the pooch.

Well, what's done is done. Contacting her to fix it won't fix anything. Leave it alone.

Right now, after all that, the ball's in her court. So... go back to nc. It may be day 1 again. Who knows. You know what you got to do.

friend4u178 · Jan 21, 2008, 09:50 PM

MLB
You have done what a lot of Dumpees do in the first few weeks , this is because you didn't want to believe she didn't want you anymore. Your situation was different right , wish I had a dollar for every time I've heard that :-)

Anyway time for you to start going NC fulltime and start healing for YOU!

Again we have said what you should do so go back and read all your posts from Day 1 because unfortunately you are probably back there again.

And don't beat yourself up about it , BUT do learn from it.

MLB33 · Jan 21, 2008, 10:02 PM

How in the world could I have messed that up? I mean, I did everything so freakin right. Short and sweet with the txt and I told her I was busy and she said she would call me later. What else could I have ask for at that time?

Let me ask you this, I wrote a little paragraph on the last txt I sent. I sent them all back to back and that was about 2 hrs ago. Did I do right or wrong sending those?

ISneezeFunny · Jan 21, 2008, 10:03 PM

No one can tell you whether it's right or wrong because we don't know you... we don't know the girl.

As I said... what's done is done. Did you screw up your chances completely? Maybe... but again, no one knows for sure. Will she call/text you again.. no clue.

Right now, everyone here is telling you to concentrate on yourself. Do that.

friend4u178 · Jan 21, 2008, 10:11 PM

Originally Posted by MLB33

How in the world could I have messed that up? I mean, I did everything so freakin right. Short and sweet with the txt and I told her I was busy and she said she would call me later. What else could I have ask for at that time?

Let me ask you this, I wrote a little paragraph on the last txt I sent. I sent them all back to back and that was about 2 hrs ago. Did I do right or wrong sending those?

You did a couple of weeks of NC and then she wiggled the bait in front of you , you bit and look where you are now. Back to square 1 and she knows she still has you hooked.

Ignore her from now on and start healing , or get stuck in this state of false hope for how ever many months your willing to go through the pain.

As we've said before , nobody just decides they don't want to be with someone they love. If she really does she will come back eventually , if that happens then you need to make her work for that right. She dumped you remember.

MLB33 · Jan 21, 2008, 10:14 PM

Yeah I get that. I swear I do. I was just asking if I did right or wrong sending those last messages to her. Kind of trying to show her I was OK with it I guess hell I don't know what I was doing maybe trying to make her think. Here it is again...

To sum them up I said that I tried to find something to hang onto when I was talking to her on the phone but she never gave me any signs of wanting to be with me. That its OK if she wants to be single and that she's enjoying it because she should put herself first. I just hate that it happened this way. But if she really loved me like she said then there was no way she would let me go and that I finally realized that she was just letting me down easy. That I made a HUGE mistake when I broke up with her a year ago and that she's a great girl and I hoped things worked out for her. I ended it with, I really meant it when I said I loved her with all my heart, just so you don't leave thinking anything else.

friend4u178 · Jan 21, 2008, 10:22 PM

My opinion

YES I think you made a mistake.
Firstly she knows you love her , you don't have to keep saying that to her or you will come across as some weak little puppy who is just sitting there waiting for her if she ever decides she wants to come back. Doesn't really make her panic about whether she made the wrong decision does it , she knows she can do whatever she wants and you will still be there for her if she needs.

MLB33 · Jan 21, 2008, 10:30 PM

Geez buddy. Listen... I KNOW I MESSED UP. Ok? I thought I was stronger then that. I couldn't have been more wrong. All I was asking, and you didn't answer it, is about that last set of txt I sent her. I sent them and left it at that. I was just asking what kind of effect that might have. SINCE, I messed up with the others.

MLB33 · Jan 21, 2008, 10:56 PM

Sorry didn't mean to get pissy I know you're just trying to help. I just wish I would have stuck to my plan. I mean it was right there, I had it set up perfect.