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caitplaysgames · Aug 29, 2007, 05:55 PM

I've had herpes since I was 15, I was raped. Anyway I've told almost all of my partners since then until my ex, R. I got really drunk one night and forgot. I didn't tell him. After that I was afraid to tell him. I fell in love. I never did tell him. He's really good friends with my other ex, B. B told R on accident and now R is trying to take legal action on me because he recently found out that he has it as well. Is that possible? And also, is that fair? He's had UNPROTECTED sex with over 45 girls. And one in four people have it. Is it wrong of me to be a little pissed that he is completely blaming me? I understand that I made a mistake but jail time? What are the laws on that anyway?

Xrayman · Aug 29, 2007, 06:08 PM

Okay, when you had sex with him, were the lesions present?

I would say, this would be seen as hearsay (that you have herpes). Just because a friend told him-it could be viewed as rumour-you would have to say whether you do or don't. Also, I'd hazard a guess that he caught it elsewhere as he has only now recognised he has it AFTER he was told?? Sounds to suspect for me. I'd say, call his stupid bluff-he cannot prove anything unless you yourself expressly told him that you have the disease.

Fr_Chuck · Aug 29, 2007, 06:16 PM

Depends on your state, in some states there are criminal charges for not telling a partner. Yes he can sue you in civil court for this, They will be able to get your medical records into file and so on.

The one time drunk could be excuses past that, I can't see why you don't think you are wrong.

caitplaysgames · Aug 29, 2007, 08:15 PM

No, there were no lesions present and yes I do have the disease. I did tell him after he'd already found out and yes, I believe I did something wrong. But it seems a little extreme to press charges on me. Especially since the chances that I gave it to him are slim considering that 1 in 4 people have the disease and he's had unprotected sex with 45 women, that would suggest that at least 11 of them had it.

Xrayman · Aug 29, 2007, 08:30 PM

Like I said-call his bluff, and then threaten to counter -sue that he is defaming or even, stalking you by spreading rumours.

If you really want to get technical tell him to get the DNA profile of the strain he has and see if yours is the exact chromotype-that should sort him out as far as how serious he really is with all of this (this is IF you indeed did admit you had the disease TO HIM specifcally)

caitplaysgames · Aug 29, 2007, 08:35 PM

I did personally tell him. And he is stalking and defaming. He calls me sometimes 30 times a night, until I have to unplug all of the phones. He held me hostage and verbally abused me and so I broke up with him, so he feels the need to file a suit against me.

Xrayman · Aug 29, 2007, 10:04 PM

Right so he's a friggin nutbag-I think you need police intervention and record the calls etc. you are being victimised and this would look REALLY bad for him in such a case.

Get help from the police-NOW

You having herpes is irellevant in this case in comparison to this freak!

Best wishes

statictable · Aug 29, 2007, 11:47 PM

File a stalking report with local police dept. Just give the basic facts; you broke up, he continues to call and follows you everywhere and your concerned about your well being.

americangayboy · Aug 30, 2007, 07:24 PM

I think all the cases where legal action has been brought against a person with an STI has been with a person knowingly and maliciously spreading HIV. Herpes, as far as illnesses go, is more of an annoyance than anything.

caitplaysgames · Aug 30, 2007, 11:04 PM

Thank you so much!

smoothy · Aug 31, 2007, 04:55 AM

Originally Posted by Xrayman

Like I said-call his bluff, and then threaten to counter -sue that he is defaming or even, stalking you by spreading rumours.

if you really want to get technical tell him to get the DNA profile of the strain he has and see if yours is the exact chromotype-that should sort him out as far as how serious he really is with all of this (this is IF you indeed did admit you had the disease TO HIM specifcally)

And if she has given him an incurable disease he has grounds for action against her and his suite against her. DNA proof would seal her fate.

While I don't condone the stalking part, if I was given something like that from someone that knew they had if and "forgot" to tell me I can say I'd be righteously upset as well. Its not something you "get over" as there is no cure at this time.

shygrneyzs · Aug 31, 2007, 05:12 AM

I agree with smoothy here. For the 45 other women he had unprotected sex with, that would have to come out in the lawsuit. Maybe one of those women has herpes, who knows? Herpes is nothing to dismiss. It is going to be a mess.

You do need legal protection from this guy though for the stalking and threats and I hope you follow through. Get the lawsuit over with and go on with your life. Am sure you are much wiser now.

americangayboy · Aug 31, 2007, 08:59 AM

You were wrong not to tell him, but I don't think you need to worry about legal action. His sexual behavior is at the very least irresponsible. He could've gotten it from you, or one of the 45 other girls with whom he had unprotected sex. He should feel lucky that he only has herpes.

That being said, please be careful to tell your partners before hand and be prepared to discuss methods to help prevent spreading it to your partner.

smoothy · Aug 31, 2007, 09:27 AM

I think there are legal ramifications if it was her that gave it to him. Being given herpes is worse that waking up to find a facial tattoo someone gave you when you were passed out.

You didn't ask for either, and Herpes you will suffer from for life if a cure isn't found. A tattoo you can get rid of. Herpes may not kill you but it causes you troubles for life. And if it migrates to our eyes it can blind you for example.

You can't call him irresponsible with his sexual behavior if he honestly asked for and received honest answers from each of his partners.

Only one party here had herpes, knew it, and failed to tell that other partner before they got intimate.

Herpes, HIV or Hep-C. The person who has it is legally, morally and ethically responsible to notify any partner they plan to have sex with BEFORE they have sex.

Personally I have little respect for anyone who spreads a disease to previously uninfected parties out of spite, ignorance or mere omission of the facts. It equates to premeditated assault on that person/victim. It's the DUTY of an infected person to tell any parties they plan to be with what they have before they infect them.

Personally if it was me I would file criminal and or Civil charges against the person that infected me.

After all, how would you feel if your next partner "forgets" to notify you he has Aids.

americangayboy · Aug 31, 2007, 09:49 AM

I agree with you, smoothy, that she had an obligation to tell him; however, she made a mistake that was not malicious. If he had asked, she would've told him... I doubt he asked all of those women their sexual histories and a copy of their most recent STI tests. He didn't even know who gave it to him until her ex told him that she had it (and I'm still not clear if he even knew he could have herpes until that guy "spilled the beans"). I think for her to be legally responsible, she would have to be intentionally spreading the infection and even then, I think it would have to be a more serious infection than herpes to warrant legal action.

I think sueing over the spread of an STI sets a dangerous precedent, especially with herpes since it is so common and not dangerous. What's next? Sueing the person who gave you the flu? At least the flu has a better chance of killing the infected than herpes.

smoothy · Aug 31, 2007, 10:11 AM

Originally Posted by americangayboy

I agree with you, smoothy, that she had an obligation to tell him; however, she made a mistake that was not malicious. If he had asked, she would've told him...I doubt he asked all of those women their sexual histories and a copy of their most recent STI tests. He didn't even know who gave it to him until her ex told him that she had it (and I'm still not clear if he even knew he could have herpes until that guy "spilled the beans"). I think for her to be legally responsible, she would have to be intentionally spreading the infection and even then, I think it would have to be a more serious infection than herpes to warrant legal action.

I think sueing over the spread of an STI sets a dangerous precedent, especially with herpes since it is so common and not dangerous. What's next? Sueing the person who gave you the flu? At least the flu has a better chance of killing the infected than herpes.

Well the point is she had it and knew it. She had the obligation to inform him or any partner she has in the future. Herpes might not kill you, but it can leave you permanently blind as well as frequent discomfort he will likely suffer for life. And example is the recent incident of the jerk that took off on an international flight knowing he wasn't allowed and knowing he had a drug resistant form of TB. Had he passed thata on to others he would have been legally responsible as well.

The difference is the flu is not a permanent affliction, nor does it kill most people. Some yes.. but not most.

Problem is she can legally be held responsible because she knew she had it, failed to inform him and proceeded to have sex without taking reasonable precautions. If each of those steps had been taken and she still passed it on then I might tend to agree she would not be legally responsible under those conditions.

americangayboy · Sep 1, 2007, 02:00 AM

Well, I guess we'll have to see how it plays out in a court of law, but I'd bet money that a judge/jury would not hold her responsible. She historically acted in good faith and we still don't know if she was the one who gave him herpes. Even testing the strain of the virus wouldn't prove she gave it to him. He consistently acted in an irresponsible manner and could have gotten it from one of many partners.

caitplaysgames · Sep 3, 2007, 11:45 AM

Okay, number one. He would not have known if the ex did not inform him. He did not have an outbreak. The test to determine whether you have herpes or not is pretty inconclusive. Number two, I know a few of his friends who also have the disease and have had sex with a few of the same girls as him. Number three, he did not ask me. The first night we had sex, he kept pouring me drinks until we had consumed two bottles of Kamchatka. By then, I was barely even conscious enough to understand the weight of what I was doing. I'm not saying it was rape, I'm saying that if I'd been sober I would have told him. He is the first and the only person that did not tell. I have not had an outbreak in 5 years. Since I got it. It's a lot harder to pass on if you don't have an outbreak. My mothers best friend has had the disease for 30 years and her husband has not gotten it yet, and they don't use protection.

americangayboy · Sep 5, 2007, 11:15 PM

I don't think there is anything you should worry about. He sounds like a petty a-hole who's just trying to get back at you for something.

smoothy · Sep 6, 2007, 05:09 AM

I personally recommend to him if he is going to do anything take it up in the legal channels. Stalking is the wrong way to do it (besides being illegal). Somebody will likely end up hurt.