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Shaynie · Aug 29, 2007, 08:40 AM

Hey everyone Im new to this whole forum thing and I'm hoping I can help people with their problems and get the same help in return.

I've been in a relationship for a year now and things have just taken a turn for the worst, he has just gone off his anti depressents and now everything has just been turned upside down. He's become abusive and now suddenly everything I do is wrong. None of my friends like him nor does my faily. Last Friday night the most horrible experience I've ever had with him happened, he abused the crap out of me because I received a message on my mobile while he was watching a footy game. To tell the truth I can't remember the details that was said because once I start crying I forget things... its strange, anyone have any idea why? Anyway, he told me he's not depressed anymore that I'm a moron for thinking Im going to drag him down again and he hit me in the chest and threatened to hit me in the face if I didn't stop crying, he kicked me out of the house at 2am in the morning (I don't have my licence and live 45 minutes away) he ended up he let me back in.

Throughout the relationship he has never been there for me when I've needed him, I myself have gone on anti depressents because he's told me I need them. If I cry or something he doenst care, he turns his back, not even a hug or a "dont worry ull be ok" its more or less a " up" or "get over it". Sorry about the language.

I've found myself really really really unhappy, I told him Sunday night I know longer love him because of the scenes he had been putting on lately. And since then the relationship has been evolving around text message. And even his replies are one word and very blunt. Then I push him to talk to me and then he goes off at me for whinging. He won't tell me where I stand he won't tell me what he feels for me he won't even tell me if he wants us to be together, he simply replies with "dunno". I want to walk away from this but I'm afriad he won't realise he'll be losing something good. And we were a great couple... ugh now I'm finding myself tearing up. I probably haven't described the situation as good as I should have but if there are any questions please ask. Im stuck.:(

GlindaofOz · Aug 29, 2007, 08:44 AM

NO ONE NO ONE has a right to put their hands on you EVER.

I'm guessing this man has some psychological issues. The fact that he is off his meds should be a huge red flag to you. He is not the same person off the meds then he is on BUT that is not a reason to stay. If he will take the meds then you need to walk. He could kill you. It's a very real possibility.

He was a good boyfriend NOW he is beating you. That is not okay. Do you have a way to leave? You need to walk away before he puts you in the hospital or in the ground.

Stages of Leaving an Abusive Relationship
Resource Leaving An Abusive Relationship
How to end abusive relationships and ending or leaving abusers

Shaynie · Aug 29, 2007, 08:51 AM

Well its only really the second time he's lunged at me like that, the first time was when I turned my back on him because he was swearing at me then I copped it in my lower back... he crawled something feirce after that. But that's not what's getting to me... it's the verbal abuse. Should I threaten to leave if he doesn't grow up?

classicalpepzee · Aug 29, 2007, 08:55 AM

U have to stop seeing this guy right away, u should not put up with abuse

GlindaofOz · Aug 29, 2007, 08:57 AM

No you SHOULD leave.

His put his hands on you twice. That's two times too many. You need to leave. He will continue to abuse you. It will not stop. It will escalate. You may be thinking of no he would never. Well did you ever think he would put his hands on you to begin with?

Leave now. Do not wait. Leave. Look at those websites I just gave you and get help. Contact the police and ask for a restraining order against him.

Shaynie · Aug 29, 2007, 09:01 AM

Yeh your right. It is very wrong and I'd give the same advice to anyone else in my situation. But why do you think he is pushing me away and being blunt with txt messages and everything... I feel like just threatening him that I'll leave.

GlindaofOz · Aug 29, 2007, 09:03 AM

Because he is abusive. He is mentally unstable.

He wants to push you away let him. RUN FAST AND HARD AWAY FROM THIS MAN.

Shaynie · Aug 29, 2007, 09:06 AM

Sometimes I think mentally unstable is an understatment. He tries to pin it on me saying I'm the depressed one that I need to go and get help... and then id be sitting there thinking... oh my god am I really that bad to him etc etc. ugh. Im so stupid.

Depressed in MO · Aug 29, 2007, 09:13 AM

Shaynie, I haven't posted about my relationship on here in a while, but please read mine. Here are the links:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/other-...ix-101474.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...elp-27037.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...age-22154.html

Maybe we can be of support to each other.

Shaynie · Aug 29, 2007, 09:25 AM

Oh I just remember something too... he says and does things to me... and when I bring them up later he has no recollection of it. And these things are pretty horrible, the latest one is threatening to come over and stab me through the heart for "being a selfish ". I actually didn't care about that one. And the times before... this was months ago... he nearly smothered me with a pillow and he's chocked me with his hands... he doenst remember those things either... and if I bring them up now he gets angry at me for bringing up the past or he would say he was "defending himself"??

Is this schizophrenia??

Stringer · Aug 29, 2007, 09:29 AM

To begin with... after all he has done and how he is treating you... WHO GIVES A HOLY DAMN WHAT HE THINKS??

When you are directly involved in a situation as this, emotions get in the way. I also think you sound way too needy-find the strength to take the good advice the others have given you.

You need to stand back clear your head and see that ACTIONS SPEAK VOLUMES OVER POINTLESS WORDS! Anytime someone physically abuses you it should be over, you are worth much more than this.

Leave NOW before he does this again AND I can promise you------he will if you stay. The very fact that he sees that you are taking his abuse is telling him you will take more. All this does is feed into his ego-crap.

You didn't mention your age, but for some reason I believe you are very young. Don't let this become a pattern for your future! You need to talk to someone AFTER YOU LEAVE, LEAVE NOW! If you don't have the cash to see someone professional then go see your priest or pastor or some free service. The way I see this (and I am a man) no one, NO ONE has the right EVER to lay a hand on you or verbally abuse you.

I believe it is not that you love him as much as your lack of confidence or pride in yourself.
You are a valued person, take back your life, you don't need him.

Take action NOW, I know you can do better than this.

Good luck,

Stringer

GlindaofOz · Aug 29, 2007, 01:12 PM

I don't know if its schizophrenia but his behavior is violently psychotic.

Consider that he feels he doesn't need his medicine I'd hazard a guess at the fact that his mental problems are very deep. Individuals with severe mental problems always feel as if they do not need their medication.

That we could sit around and name all the flora and fauna but honey it doesn't change the fact that he is unstable.

You do not deserve this. You are not stupid. HE is the bad guy here not you.

I agree with the above poster. Leave and go immediately into counseling to help you deal with what happened to you. This can affect you in a lot of ways after the relationship is over. It will also help you build up a defense in case he tries to come back. You need to disappear from his life. Read those websites I sent you there are toll free 800 numbers that you can call and they will support you and walk you through your escape plan.

Shaynie · Aug 30, 2007, 05:31 AM

I went out with my best friends tonight just out shoppign and stuff (you know the usual) I told them the whoel truth about what's been going on. Its helped me realise even more that what he's been doing is wrong and that it's not going to get better. I told him to keep my mobile fone (he is borrowing an old mobile cause his is broken) and that we are over. He isn't happy... might have to get an avo out on him... stressed out. Thanks everyone.

GlindaofOz · Aug 30, 2007, 05:25 PM

I'm so glad to hear that. Opening up to friends is your best place to start. Once you start telling people about the situation its easier for you to leave and move forward in your life.

I agree that you should without a doubt get an order of protection. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

I wish you luck. You should be very proud of yourself.

Stringer · Aug 30, 2007, 08:41 PM

Me also, remember you are stronger than you think.

Stringer

talaniman · Aug 31, 2007, 09:39 PM

He has problems you cannot help him with. For your own safety, get out and get away from him.

brady1208 · Jan 10, 2008, 01:26 AM

Originally Posted by Shaynie

Hey everyone Im new to this whole forum thing and im hoping i can help people with their problems and get the same help in return.

I've been in a relationship for a year now and things have just taken a turn for the worst, he has just gone off his anti depressents and now everything has just been turned upside down. He's become abusive and now suddenly everything i do is wrong. None of my friends like him nor does my faily. Last Friday night the most horrible experience I've ever had with him happened, he abused the crap out of me because i received a msg on my mobile while he was watching a footy game. To tell teh truth i can't remember the details that was said because once i start crying i forget things....its strange, anyone have any idea why? Anyway, he told me he's not depressed anymore that im a moron for thinking Im going to drag him down again and he hit me in the chest and threatened to hit me in the face if i didnt stop crying, he kicked me out of the house at 2am in the morning (i dont have my licence and live 45 mins away) he ended up he let me back in.

Throughout the relationship he has never been there for me when ive needed him, I myself have gone on anti depressents because he's told me I need them. If i cry or something he doenst care, he turns his back, not even a hug or a "dont worry ull be ok" its more or less a " up" or "get over it". Sorry about the language.

I've found myself really really really unhappy, i told him Sunday night i know longer love him because of the scenes he had been putting on lately. And since then the relationship has been evolving around txt message. And even his replies are one word and very blunt. Then i push him to talk to me and then he goes off at me for whinging. he wont tell me where i stand he wont tell me wat he feels for me he wont even tell me if he wants us to be together, he simply replies with "dunno". I want to walk away from this but im afriad he wont realise he'll be losing something good. And we were a great couple...ugh now im finding myself tearing up. I probably havent described the situation as good as i should have but if there are any questions please ask. Im stuck.:(

Iam in a similar situation, my boyfriend has always been very controlling and jealous, a few months ago I found out that he is extremely bipolar and when we fight he is awful to me. Throws me out of the house calls me terrible names and he recently got physically abusive to me. I had so many marks on me he made me stay at his house for days so my parents wouldn't see them... I too have become extremely unhappy in my situation my family and friends all hate him. But I love him a lot and when its good its really good, I don't know If it's the same way in your situation. I don't really have an answer to your question but I thought it would be nice to talk to someone in a similar situation. I have never used this site before but maybe you could email me?? And I could try to help

talaniman · Jan 10, 2008, 06:12 AM

Sorry for your situation, and I don't care how much you love him, you can't help him, and things are getting progressively worse. Ain't that much love in the world, to make one stay and be abused, and used, in a poison, unhealthy relationship. Get out.

Stringer · Jan 10, 2008, 08:22 AM

I agree with Tal... leave immediately, for your own safety. Clear your head about "when it is good, it is really good." Because it is bad... and the possibly of it getting even worse is damn good. NO ONE... no one ever has the right to throw you around the room or be abusive, ever!

I am sorry to be blunt but; people in your situation usually have self confidence issues and can't take action the way they should. Step back and think. It will not ever improve and it will become more abusive as he will continue to release his issues out on you. If you stay and take it, it could be severe.

Please pack it up and leave immediately
Stringer

HistorianChick · Jan 10, 2008, 08:28 AM

Honey, No one has the right to 1. abuse you in ANY way or, 2. Take YOUR power. Again, this man has no right to abuse you in any way for ANY reason.

Get out of this situation... shake the dust off your feet and move on. YOU are in control of YOUR life, not him. Take back your power.