[HurtingALot]

Ok... so I'm back with a question... In a nutshell... here's my scenario. Had a break with my boyfriend for a period of appox. 3 weeks. Thought for sure it was a break-up... and was beside myself with heartbreak... Hence, my finding this website and all of the amazing advice here. While on our "break", I tried to date others... and the boyfriend went out once with a girl... He claims it was pretty innocent... she ended up not being "his type" and that he only saw her the one time. We got back together after 3 weeks of basically NC... and have been back together and pretty great together ever since (about 3 months now... )

So here's the thing. He says he only saw her the one time and I believe him. He says she still calls, but he doesn't answer and doesn't return calls. So... I'm at his place last night and he checked his answering machine... A message from HER... All he listened to is her saying hi and who it was and he deleted it without listening to the rest of the message. When he came back into the bedroom, I let him know that I had heard who called and he just said... "yeah, well I can't help who calls me." TRUE. And I want to believe that this is not a big deal... after all, she called and he deleted the message without even listening to it... Does this mean that there's nothing there? Or should I be concerned after all?

Help! It's so hard to trust... I really just don't want to get hurt!! Thanks in advance for your input!!

[GlindaofOz]

From what you are saying it sounds as if this girl did get attached to him. I don't know if I would say he only saw her once. The amount of times she is calling I would fathom a guess that he had sex with her and this girl cannot let it go.

I don't think he is lying about the situation now but the situation that it was.

You need to decide if you can trust your boyfriend. If you can't then you really have no business being in a relationship with someone who you don't trust. Its not fair to him and its not fair to you. You will drive yourself nuts about all of this. Will knowing "the truth" make you feel better or worse?

[HurtingALot]

Glinda... thanks for your response. I know that they were talking on the phone and texting here and there for a period. I truly don't think he had sex with her. (We have some pretty intense heart-to-hearts about what went on recently... ) I think maybe you are right, that she became a little attached... maybe because they were communicating for a while. But what do I do now? My boyfriend has made it clear (words and actions) that he is only with me and I don't think there is any interest there on his part for this other girl... but when does she go away? I know that trust is everything... and I hate that insecure feeling... but I have been hurt too many times! Just want to protect my heart!

[GlindaofOz]

You would think this girl would get the hint when your boyfriend doesn't return his calls. I would talk to him and say I know nothing is going on but with this girl constantly calling you its giving me doubts can you please do something to get it to stop? He is wrong he can control who calls him. He can block her number, change his number, call her and say stop calling me, get a restraining order that does not allow her to call him. He just needs to be pro active and he needs to know that this girl may potentially cause problems in this relationship.

I would try to put trust in him. You get hurt in this life it happens. If you protect your heart too much you could miss out on someone great. I used to do the same thing then one day I was tired of living in self fulfilling prophecies. I decided the next guy I dated I was going to trust him from day one. Sure our relationship ended but boy am I glad I learned how freeing it can be to put your insecurities on a shelf and live in the moment.