Where to from here

johnno · Sep 1, 2005, 10:16 PM

My 19 yr old girlfriend left me nearly 3 months ago after the space request. We were together for 2 years and I guess the relationship became a bit boring. I did no contact for 2 months with her but lately she has been msging me on AIM, at first I ignored her but then I just chatted once with her for about 5 minutes and then said I got to go cause I'm going out. I don't want to ignore her and be rude to her but would this make my chances of getting her back improve? I still can't believe we aren't together and I don't know what she is thinking either. Any advice guys? Thanks

colbtech · Sep 2, 2005, 08:45 AM

Talk to her, face to face. Ask her what she is looking for? If she wants to be "friends", tell her that it won't work. How is she going to feel when you go home with someone else? How are you going to feel when she says g'night and goes home with someone else?

A lot of things for both of you to consider. Stay away unless you both want to start again or be prepared for grief/tears/screaming.

Good Luck either way.

fredg · Sep 3, 2005, 07:30 AM

Hi,
I agree with "stay away from her",; unless you want to start things back up again.
If you do, then have a talk with her, be honest; and find out what is going on. She obviously misses you, or could be just "checking up" to see if you have found someone else.
Talk with her, in person, and be truthful.
Best of luck,
fredg

johnno · Sep 4, 2005, 04:53 AM

Wildcat what do u think?

s_cianci · Sep 4, 2005, 10:50 AM

First of all, you're smart to give her a little bit but not too much of your time. As much as you care for this person, you're not going to have her exclusively to yourself right now. Play the field and spread yourself around. Be there for her but don't push and don't let her dominate you. Cutting the conversation short and telling her that you "had to go out" was very wise, even if it stretched the truth a bit. If she wants to IM you again, let her and talk with her but wait for her to make a move. Let her start it when's she's ready, then you end it when you're ready. Get the picture? At any rate, any relationship that may spring up from her apparent renewed interest has to be conducted strictly on your terms ; otherwise, she'll just end up dumping you again and leaving you feeling hurt and frustrated all over again. Good luck and have fun. Remember, there's lots of fish in the ocean.

johnno · Sep 6, 2005, 03:40 AM

Wildcat have you got any advice?

Wildcat21 · Sep 6, 2005, 10:52 AM

Johno - here is the problem - she's 19 and most likely wants to go through her wild-girl stage. You don't provide her with the excitement she needs right now (although you could). I doubt you are much of a challenge for her.

Many Girls between 19 and 25 want to go through that Wild boy/bad boy/jerk stage.

I bet $1 million you were too nice too her, always there for her - too agreeable, always answered the phone, called her way too much, texted(quit the texted), e-mailed.

You're way too safe for her. You're always there.

You need to change a little bit. Take on some wild boy/jerk like tendencies. Be more independent, be busy, NEVER return calls right away, call her occasionally - every day is bad for business, go out with your friends a lot, spend more time at work.

I bet you smothered her? Wanted to be with her too much?

Too much contact is really bad for business - LESS IS MORE - even in marriage you have to be busy AND alwqys go out with friends - always.

Are you in contact with her now?

Please read ALL the articles at:

www.relationships.blog-city.com - about nice guys

www.askmen.com - all the dating articles

www.lovetactics.com - GREAT info and insite as to what is going on. How to win back. Must read for you - read every free article.

You need to change - quit being so nice -learn to tease her, bust her chops, make fun.

colbtech · Sep 6, 2005, 11:51 PM

Superb answers Wildcat... spot on!

Wildcat21 · Sep 7, 2005, 07:28 AM

Thanks - but it's true - most guys do that. They don't understand what creates attractions.

Fixed my typos as well.

Wildcat21 · Sep 7, 2005, 07:41 AM

See - guys think - I really like this girl - I need to be all nice and give them TONS of attention and buy them things. Just like every other guy.

Woman do like attention - but not constant attention. Bad for business. Less is more.

Be different. Smothering with attention and being all agreeable kills attraction.

BUT, it's hard to de-WUSS yourself.