[tshipp]

My mother start calling me all sort of names when she start drinking. She have said a lot of disrepectful things to me in front of people as well as in front of my boyfriend. She have told me that I was only good for what was between my legs. I don't have confidence in myself because of this. I have told her several times that I don't appreciate her disrepecting me as an adult. She still did the same thing after I have told her this several times. Whenever I tell my family about how she treat me, They tell me that I should respect her no matter what because she's my mother. She have pushed me to the point where I started disrepecting her. Once I started saying some of the things that she says to me , She said that I don't respect her. She started quoting things out of the bible to me saying that god says that you should honor your mother. Whenever she is sober, I ask her why do she say such hurtful things. She tell me that she was just drunk & that she didn't mean anything by it. I told her that I could see if it was the 1st time but it wasn't. I cry everyday asking myself what I should do next. Do you think I'm wrong for feeling the way I do towards my mother? Do you think that I'm in the wrong for disrepecting her even to she disrepect me? PLEASE HELP ME!

[macksmom]

I definitely wouldn't stoop down to her level and start saying hurtful things to her. Two wrongs don't make a right. I know you are hurt, and want her to see what she is doing, but you are better than that, be the bigger person and don't fall to her level.

When she is sober I would ask her about seeking help, it is obvious she has a drinking problem.

[shatteredsoul]

I don't think there is any way to justify her hurtful and cruel remarks and it saddens me to think you must endure such abuse. However, I think you must refrain from responding in the same manner with her, because it will only make you feel worse. That doesn't mean you should continue to be treated that way. IF you are an adult, you should get some distance between you and try to get yourself some counseling to deal with all of your emotions surrounding this issue. YOur mother may never change and may never quit drinking. You cannot be responsible for that. All you can do is try to better yourself and see yourself as good and worthy, regardless of what she says. She is a sad person and she probably was spoke to the same way as a child. Try to find it in your heart to forgive her, that doesn't mean you have to accept that behavior or put up with it. You recognize that she is limited and sick. This you try and forgive for YOURSELF. This allows you to move forward and grow. She is obviously dealing with many personal issues and you are her punching bag. Maybe find ways to show her when she is sober about getting help, I think macksmom is right about that. Also, try to find thing to do that make you feel good about yourself, and to nurture and develop your spirit. YOu are in pain and you are struggling so any kind of support you can find will help. Remember this is not about YOU, this is about how she feels about herself in relation to you. In other words, you are the scapegoat for all of her own feelings of inferiority. I think once you understand that, you can look at her with a more objective view. I feel sorry for her as well. I don't know what pain she is trying to mask with the drinking, but I am sure it is a deep one. Continue to reach out to others, create your own network of friends to help you through this and don't stop sharing your thoughts and feelings. There are many people here that will help if you continue to open up to us. Remember that you are loved and worthy of so much and never stop believing in the goodness within you, NO MATTER what anyone says. I am sending some love and kindness your way!!

[Homegirl 50]

This is the alcohol talking not your mother, but I don't understand why no one in your family is helping you. Depending on how old you are, this is not something you can do alone.
There is counseling for children of alcoholics. This is something you should look into. You might suggest you mother do the same.
I wish you well

[rkim291968]

Trust me, even drunks know that they are doing something wrong while they are under the influence, and/or afterwards. She just needs to get her act together.

BTW, it is the mother (parent) who needs to set "better" example and not the other way around. It is the mother who complaints about their children not the other way around. Speaking from experience, your mother has to change first.

[lacuran8626]

You have identified that when your mother drinks, she is inappropriate. I would advise her that because it is hurtful to you, she may not drink in your home and if you are elsewhere with her and she begins drinking, you will leave without explanation immediately to avoid any hurtful exchanges taking place.

You may have to eliminate her from your life with the expectation that until she seeks treatment in a serious way, you will not be in her life. It's harsh, but alcoholism is strong and you have to be even stronger. You cannot reason with a drunk, and alcoholics are very invested in defending their behaviors and lives because they like to drink, and don't want to give up the drink. So, until she is sober all the time, she cannot be logical about her behavior as a drunk even during her lucid moments.