[Balloons33]

I don't really know how to write out exactly what my problem is, so I'll just flow with it.. bare with me, I have a lot to say.

It seems like things in my life are always "too good to be true". When amazing things come my way, it seems there is always a huge down-side or things aren't really as they appear. Because of this, I have really kept myself guarded. When good things do happen, I stay skeptical and never let my guard down. I would rather set myself up for disaster than have it happen to my unexpectedly. I'm not a high maintenance type of girl, I am very easy to please and I have come to terms with the fact that things aren't always going to go my way.

With that being said, I am really needing some reassurance... As much as I'd like to just stay in my own world and not let anyone see the fact that I struggle so much with worry, I can't. I have a certain problem -- and in my eyes, it's very serious and I would love to read some serious answers.

I have been with "my love" for over 3 years now, and things are better than they have ever been. At the beginning of our relationship I worried about being cheated on, and I even opened up to him telling him that I have been hurt in the past and I don't want to ever have to go through that again. Love is the most important thing in my life, and I have dreamed of having true love since I can remember. I want a very open, honest relationship, because if I'm going to seriously invest in someone, I deserve honesty. He seemed like the most genuine man I had ever met. His family went on and on about how he has also searched for true love in life and that he wouldn't let me down. I felt SO confident in our relationship and even told him that things seemed to be "Too good to be true". I actually, for the FIRST time in my life, trusted that somebody wouldn't hurt me. I truly believed it!! There was NO doubt in my mind that he wasn't going to cheat on me. I was so happy. About a year and a half into our relationship the worst happened... I found out that he had slept with someone else 6 months before. Ouch. We broke up and spent an entire summer apart... it was the hardest summer ever because I Truly loved this guy. We didn't even get to see each other because he was doing an internship a few states away... but we did talk on the phone everyday that summer. I am definitely a quick - forgiver, but that doesn't take away the amount of worry that comes into mind every time I think about the past and what could happen again in the future. It's outrageous. The end of the summer rolled around, and he and I both decided to get back together. Of course, he knows how devastated I was when I found out he cheated so he has reassured me a lot, he swears that he isn't that type of person and that it was an honest mistake. He said he isn't the type of guy to "fool" around and he learned it really fast. He said that's why he never told me it happened -- because it was a one-time-only mistake and that if I trusted him he would NEVER hurt me again!! When I took him back I was very skeptical, I questioned what he was doing a lot and even did some snooping. Well, things have been Amazing since we got back together. We moved in with each other... and it seems that for the past year and a half things have been exactly what I always dreamed of for love, and that's why when he proposed in June... I said yes. He is definitely, by FAR, the only man I want to be with for the rest of my life... and he is showing me each day how much I mean to him. :) Knowing this guy, I guarantee you wouldn't think he was the cheating type.

Here is my problem... I still don't fully trust him. I know that some wounds might take longer to heal than others in life... I really do understand that. But my worry get's out of control sometimes. There are some days that I believe he won't cheat again, because since we have gotten back together he has done everything perfectly and he's given me every reason TO trust him again. But the past is still haunting me... bad. This is my issue. It's not that I'm "too young" or that "we are rushing" like people will probably think, it's my personal trust issue. I have now convinced myself that whoever I marry, whoever it may be, he will cheat on me. I don't trust any man. NONE. It's taking a huge toll on me. Whether it's my parents, my friends, my co workers, or strangers... I see and hear about cheating everywhere!! People joke about it and take it lightly, but because I have been the victim of it, it's no laughing matter to me. I get angry. Love is my life, and I have to get over the past. I really need reassurance from you readers! Not to be rude, but if you are planning on posting something that talks about how we "shouldn't be engaged" or anything like that, please don't. That I chose to be engaged and I am writing this because I just need your reassurance. I am writing all of this because I just need to know that there are men out there who make mistakes and who will devote their lives to One woman. I need to hear it from someone!! Please, I am begging you readers who can relate.. please help me trust again. Deep down I would like to believe that he is dead serious when he swears to never do that again, but I won't let myself for fear of being hurt again.

He knows how much I struggle with this worry. Our relationship is SO open that it's almost too-open. We tell each other everything, and he is getting angry lately because as much as he swears he won't hurt me again, I beg for his reassurance a lot. To hear it from somebody out there who isn't him would be a huge help. Are there any readers who have cheated before and then realized "she was the one" and learned from one mistake? Is it true: "once a cheater always a cheater?" Do I have ANY hope? Thank you for any reassurance you can give me. I need peace in my heart. I know it's out there, I want to grasp it. This is the ONLY area of our relationship that is lacking... my trust. Any words of encouragment? I am a very sensitive person, so I take offense easily. I will go into more detail about any question you might have, but please don't be harsh.. I need some type of hope. I'm afraid of negitivity. Thank you so much...

[Homegirl 50]

You need to do some counseling before you get married. Maybe both of you can do it together. You have some serious trust issues that have the potential to mess things up if you don't deal with them.
A lot of relationships fail because people come into them with baggage from past hurts and relationships. You have insecurities that need to be dealt with.
Get some counseling before the wedding. It will save you some grief in the marriage.

[Balloons33]

You need to do some counseling before you get married. Maybe both of you can do it together. You have some serious trust issues that have the potential to mess things up if you don't deal with them.
A lot of relationships fail because people come into them with baggage from past hurts and relationships. You have insecurities that need to be dealt with.
Get some counseling before the wedding. It will save you some grief in the marriage.

:) thanks, that's what I was thinking...

[Homegirl 50]

Good. I was hoping that you were not offended.
I wish you both the best

[Balloons33]

Good. I was hoping that you were not offended.
I wish you both the best

Not offended, but I was hoping to get a little reassurance. Do all men cheat? I have gone through counseling before, I've also spoken with a psychiatrist. I was told to have generalized anxiety, panic disorder, and there's a chance I might be bi polar. I know I have issues. I just want to hear from the "real world" that I'm OK and that I don't have a reason to worry as much as I do. That helps me more than you would know. Thanks :/

[Homegirl 50]

Not all men cheat. And if one does once, it does not mean that he will do it again. Don't let this fear destroy what you and your fiancé have together. Do the counseling. I wish you the best.

[Balloons33]

Not all men cheat. And if one does once, it does not mean that he will do it again. Don't let this fear destroy what you and your fiance have together. Do the counseling. I wish you the best.

Thanks :)

[Balloons33]

well maybe he's still dealing with his own issues... Maybe he feels really bad about it and when you bring it up it hurts him. Has he talked to you about how it made him feel? I'm sure deep down he truly loves you, and over time this wound will heal. Relationships take lots of time and learning. I have cheated before and it killed my everytime my boyfriend talked about it to me, or rubbed it in my face. I'm not saying you're doing that, it's just maybe this is just as a soar issue for him as it is for you. Talking about it a lot will help fix things. If you truly love each other, you can get through this. It takes team work, and communication to make a marriage work. The good part is that it seems yall are good at talking so just keep talking about it until you both feel confortable about it.

You're the best :)