[Eileen2005]

I have been studying my Ph.D. in chemistry for five and a half years. I got married on the second year and had the baby on the thirds year and lost my mom after having the baby. The project was troublesome and I needed to have technical skills to solve the technical problems so that I could use a system to get reliable results. My supervisor has this habit of comparing the students to each other and keeps telling me that I am not one of the best students in his group, which bothers me because I know and he knows that every project is different and people are also having different conditions. I have told him that this discourages me but he keeps talking like that and I do not feel that he will be supportive in my defense. Now I am almost done with the experiments and I need to focus on writing but these negative feelings make me nervous and I feel I have nothing good to write in my thesis. Is this normal, does anyone knows of any technique to overcome such feelings and get focused and confidant? I have been sitting at my desk since morning but cannot even write one sentence:o .

[Eileen2005]

Sorry for the english mistakes, I am too nervous at the moment...

[JohnSnownw]

I had a similar experience while writing my Master's dissertation. My problem was that I had no guidance at all. My adviser left the country for 2.5 of the 3.5 months I had to write my paper, and during the time was unable to field my questions. This was a constant problem through my program, but I'll just speak about the paper writing process.

What helped me was to take myself out of the situation for a while, and intermittently while I wrote the paper. I would go for a walk or sit outside and just think about things unrelated to the topic.

The hardest part for me was getting started, and I didn't end up writing the introduction to my paper until the very end. I just focused on the facts and went from there. So, I suggest you begin by writing the technical pieces of the paper and branching out from there.

I know a Master's dissertation is not on par with a PhD thesis, but I hope I've given you something to work from. I should be starting my PhD program next year, so I'll be in the same boat as you very shortly. I wish you the best of luck.

[Eileen2005]

I had a similar experience while writing my Master's dissertation. My problem was that I had no guidance at all. My adviser left the country for 2.5 of the 3.5 months I had to write my paper, and during the time was unable to field my questions. This was a constant problem through my program, but I'll just speak about the paper writing process.

What helped me was to take myself out of the situation for a while, and intermittently while I wrote the paper. I would go for a walk or sit outside and just think about things unrelated to the topic.

The hardest part for me was getting started, and I didn't end up writing the introduction to my paper until the very end. I just focused on the facts and went from there. So, I suggest you begin by writing the technical pieces of the paper and branching out from there.

I know a Master's dissertation is not on par with a PhD thesis, but I hope I've given you something to work from. I should be starting my PhD program next year, so I'll be in the same boat as you very shortly. I wish you the best of luck.

Thank you. My supervisor is not any better:) He expects us to do all the work without any help. Your advice was helpful. I wish you luck too.

[scouter5]

I have been studying my Ph.D. in chemistry for five and a half years. I got married on the second year and had the baby on the thirds year and lost my mom after having the baby. The project was troublesome and I needed to have technical skills to solve the technical problems so that I could use a system to get reliable results. My supervisor has this habit of comparing the students to each other and keeps telling me that I am not one of the best students in his group, which bothers me because I know and he knows that every project is different and people are also having different conditions. I have told him that this discourages me but he keeps talking like that and I do not feel that he will be supportive in my defense. Now I am almost done with the experiments and I need to focus on writing but these negative feelings make me nervous and I feel I have nothing good to write in my thesis. Is this normal, does anyone knows of any technique to overcome such feelings and get focused and confidant? I have been sitting at my desk since morning but cannot even write one sentence:o .

Don't take it personal. The professor wants what you want. The best! It is not about you or the professor. It's about the chosen profession.

[Wondergirl]

Like when a writer has writer's block, start in the middle or even at the end. Do the literature review if that's part of your dissertation. Work on the conclusion. Make a grocery list or write a letter to your sibling--but write and then let your writing bleed into writing some part of the dissertation.

Use some of the ideas I give parents whose children hate homework. Set aside a certain place where the only thing you do there is work on the dissertation. It might be under a nice shady tree or in a less-favorite chair in front of the fireplace or while walking down a certain path or street. By writing or thinking, working on the dissertation in some way is the only activity that takes place there.

Or have a dissertation tablecloth. Open it up and spread it over the kitchen or dining room table, or a card table. Now work on your dissertation. When you are tired of thinking and writing, even after five minutes or perhaps a hour, close your books and stack your papers and fold up the dissertation tablecloth, then put it aside until next time.

There are other cognitive-behaviorial helps for writing. Thinking out loud is one. Hand printing instead of typing is another. Having soothing music in the background might be helpful. If you usually work to music, having NO music in the background might move you off the rock that you are sitting on. You want to change the usual way you do things.

Being a "best" student has nothing to do with your experiments and how you describe them and the conclusions you reach. Your experiments are doing the work for you. Poke around in them to get the most you can from them.

Don't discuss your skills or lack of them with your supervisor. Just smile wisely and move along minus any conversation with him. If you have to talk with him, don't let him get personal. If he doesn't stick to the chem stuff, thank him for his time and walk away. He will learn to respect you for that, that he can't get a rise out of you any longer. You owe him no apologies.

You've gotten this far in school and are almost at the end. You've done the coursework and even the experiments for the dissertation. Pulling it all together is a challenge but also an opportunity to show how much you've learned. I know you can do this! We are here for you to vent to. I envy you your ambition. I quit at the master's level. How I wish I had gone further!

[Eileen2005]

Don't take it personal. The professor wants what you want. The best! It is not about you or the professor. It's about the chosen profession.

If only I were able not to take things personally… You are right. He is just worried about his reputation and wants everything to be perfect. Thanks for the advice.

[Eileen2005]

Like when a writer has writer's block, start in the middle or even at the end. Do the literature review if that's part of your dissertation. Work on the conclusion. Make a grocery list or write a letter to your sibling--but write and then let your writing bleed into writing some part of the dissertation.

Use some of the ideas I give parents whose children hate homework. Set aside a certain place where the only thing you do there is work on the dissertation. It might be under a nice shady tree or in a less-favorite chair in front of the fireplace or while walking down a certain path or street. By writing or thinking, working on the dissertation in some way is the only activity that takes place there.

Or have a dissertation tablecloth. Open it up and spread it over the kitchen or dining room table, or a card table. Now work on your dissertation. When you are tired of thinking and writing, even after five minutes or perhaps a hour, close your books and stack your papers and fold up the dissertation tablecloth, then put it aside until next time.

There are other cognitive-behaviorial helps for writing. Thinking out loud is one. Hand printing instead of typing is another. Having soothing music in the background might be helpful. If you usually work to music, having NO music in the background might move you off the rock that you are sitting on. You want to change the usual way you do things.

Being a "best" student has nothing to do with your experiments and how you describe them and the conclusions you reach. Your experiments are doing the work for you. Poke around in them to get the most you can from them.

Don't discuss your skills or lack of them with your supervisor. Just smile wisely and move along minus any conversation with him. If you have to talk with him, don't let him get personal. If he doesn't stick to the chem stuff, thank him for his time and walk away. He will learn to respect you for that, that he can't get a rise out of you any longer. You owe him no apologies.

You've gotten this far in school and are almost at the end. You've done the coursework and even the experiments for the dissertation. Pulling it all together is a challenge but also an opportunity to show how much you've learned. I know you can do this! We are here for you to vent to. I envy you your ambition. I quit at the master's level. How I wish I had gone further!

Hi,

Thank you so much for your hints. Actually I am going to start writing very seriously tomorrow and have planned to finish in a month. I hope it works. It would be tough though. I spent three weeks in the lab doing experiments that my supervisor believed were necessary for my thesis, without getting any good results. It made me frustrated. Now I have decided to write whatever I have so far and give it to my supervisor to read and during the time he is reading it, I will do more experiments to make it better. Thank you again, your answer was so complete and helpful. I may come back to you now and then to report how I am doing, if it is all right. It makes me feel better. What do you think?

[Eileen2005]

Hi :) It has been a long time, I finally made it! I could not finish my thesis in a month though, it took me more than I thought. And things came up that made it even more difficult for me. But the result was good at the end, the examining committee were very happy about my thesis and my defence presentation. The professor however was mean again and said things that broke my heart. I am happy I do not see hom anymore:) now I am taking some rest and spend more time with my little daughter who was diagnoised with autism last December. You cannot immagine what a shock it was to my husband and I. I am not going to get pragnent again since we are afraid that the second child might be even worse. She is in the active range though and we are working a lot on her speech. I just sometimes think life will never give me a break. Maybe God thinks I am strong enough to bear all these things, the death of my mom right before I had my daugter due to cancer and then my brother being diagnoised with bipolar disorder and now my daughter... I am strong though, yesterday I was thinking, it could still be worse.. I could have a bad husband, could be on a wheelchair... sometimes I feel down though. Happy to be able to talk to you.

[Wondergirl]

my little daughter who was diagnoised with autism last december

Thanks for reporting back to us!

There is so much written about autism and so much is being done to give those kids and their families the best life possible.

My older son is high-functioning autistic (hyperlexia). I figured it out when he was 18 and just graduated from high school. He's had a good job working in the same place since then; it turned out to be the perfect situation for him!

I will be happy to help you in any way I can.

[Eileen2005]

Hi,

Thank you so much. Yes, she is also high-functioning. She will turn three next month. She knows many words and has started to talk a little bit. Still cannot talk about the past and mostly lables things and just says sentences like, I want this or that, please. She knew the alphabet since she was about 2. Knows the shapes and can count. Not just saying the numbers, can actually count objects. She had good fine motor skills. BUT she does not like other children. She feels very uncomfortable around kids, especially if they are younger than she is or almost the same age as her. She cannot jump, she still deos not know how to kiss. But she gives hi five and hugges me very well. Fortunately, she goes to daycare and we are supported by the services here. But she is on waiting list for speech therapy and I believe if she speaks well most of her communication problems will be solved. We try to help her speak by reading to her and waiting for her to complete sentences of a book or by talking about a show she is watching. I use every opportunity. I just some times feel very sad. I ask myself why? I feel worried about her future. Will she fall in love, will she get married and have children and live a normal life? She is such a sweet girl.

[Wondergirl]

Hi,

Thank you so much. Yes, she is also high-functioning. She will turn three next month. She knows many words and has started to talk a little bit. Still cannot talk about the past and mostly lables things and just says sentences like, I want this or that, please. She knew the alphabet since she was about 2. Knows the shapes and can count. Not just saying the numbers, can actually count objects. She had good fine motor skills. BUT she does not like other children. She feels very uncomfortable around kids, especially if they are younger than she is or almost the same age as her. She cannot jump, she still deos not know how to kiss. But she gives hi five and hugges me very well. Fortunately, she goes to daycare and we are supported by the services here. But she is on waiting list for speech therapy and I believe if she speaks well most of her communication problems will be solved. We try to help her speak by reading to her and waiting for her to complete sentences of a book or by talking about a show she is watching. I use every opportunity. i just some times feel very sad. I ask myself why?? I feel worried about her future. Will she fall in love, will she get married and have children and live a normal life? She is such a sweet girl.

Your daughter could be hyperlexic.

My son figured out how to decode language before he was two and has been an avid reader since then. He has a flawless memory, so I keep him close by when I do trivia or crossword puzzles or watch Jeopardy. He is visual, so it has always worked best if he sees instructions in print, not just hears them. Socially, he has come a long way, and will start conversations and will sit and chat. As a child, he preferred to be alone.

I have never labeled him or gotten him labeled as autistic, since he has gotten along in the world fairly well. He recently asked me after reading something about autism, "Mom, am I autistic?" "Yes, you are," I answered. "Is that bad?" he wondered. "No. Your brain is just wired differently from most people's, but you have learned how to compensate for that." Then we talked about how he has learned to manage. For instance, he cannot tell time on an analog clock, but he can on a digital one. He has a credit card which he uses carefully, and keeps his checkbook in perfect order. He may never drive because of all the traffic and other stimuli (judgment is a big problem), but he loves to walk and will walk anywhere he wants to go or hitch a ride with a friend (and yes, he has a couple of them now).

Will he marry someday? Maybe. His wife will be a lucky girl since he is a sweet-natured person who has matured nicely. He does simple cooking and is an excellent housecleaner!

Here is a site that might answer some of your questions:

American Hyperlexia Association

[Eileen2005]

It is interesting... I had not heard about Hyperlexia, it seems that she is more likely to have that rather than autism. She has a flawless memory too and a very good ear for music. We have not labeled her as autistic either. We have not told anyone that she was diagnoised autistic, because she does not show it that seriously and we do not want others to lable her. I think like your son, she is also smart enough to compensate for it. Thank you for your words it makes me feel better. I do not know anyone with autism who is grown up and actually I had not heard about it until my dauther's pediatrition told us about it. Knowing that your son is doing great, makes me feel better. My daughter likes to read too. She can spell her name and Elmo and even writes her initials. You know I myself did not have many close friends either, and it was sifficult for me or still it is difficult to start a conversation and keep on talking face to face. I am better when writing. I also learn thing better when they are thought visually and I always learnt better in the class than reading a text book. However, my memory sucks :) I mean maybe she is like me... I learnt to be affectionate later when I grow up and got some close friends. I even got married, I still cannot drive, because I always have the fear to run over someone, and I feel I get dizzy when in a crowd. You are a very knowledgeable person, I hope I can be a good mother for my daughter like you were for your son.

[Wondergirl]

It is interesting ... I had not heard about Hyperlexia, it seems that she is more likely to have that rather than autism.

Hyperlexia is a form of autism. Asperger's is another form (http://www.aspergers.com/). I just got a story published in an Autism-Asperger's magazine; the story is based on an experience I had with one of my library volunteers who has Asperger's. Read as much as you can about about autism and its various forms and ways to help your daughter. I'm here if you need me.

Be sure to open your daughter's world and allow her to experience it, but don't force her to do things she doesn't want to do. My friends used to tell me to force my son to attend classmates' birthday parties and other social events. If he said no, I didn't force him. Now, I'm glad I didn't. He figured out the world and people in his own way, mostly by writing stories and poems about them.

Having a cat who loves him unconditionally has really taught him empathy and sympathy. The cat is always with him, and doesn't want to hang out with anyone else. He's very proud of that and feels very special because of it. Because of his cat, he has learned how people have various emotions and how they express them.

[Wondergirl]

Another thought -- Life and learning are not black or white. There is always another way to get to where you want to go. Be creative and a problem-solver! Teach your daughter not to give in, but to always look for another way to do something: "Hmmm, this isn't working. What else could I do?"

[Eileen2005]

Thank you again. My daughter loves dogs. Maybe I should get her a puppy, but we are not used to having pet at home. I try to get more and more information. We try not to put her in a situation that she does not like. It is interesting that although she is so small, she finds the way to avoid a situation she does not like. We have a frined who has a one and a half year old daughter and whever they come to visit, She goes to bed early! Can I have a copy of your article, please?

Thank you again.

[Wondergirl]

my daughter loves dogs. Maybe I should get her a puppy, but we are not used to having pet at home.

Then start small, with one or two easy-to-keep small pets such as a couple of chameleons in a terrarium or a hamster. (Gerbils run too fast, and mice pee wherever they go.) The chameleons would be quiet, but would have to be fed. You and your daughter could plan the terrarium and then she could watch them through the glass. Your library has books about chameleons as pets, plus there is probably a wealth of information available online. A hamster might be fun, in a nice cage with an exercise wheel. Read up on hamsters before you buy one. I like hamsters because they use one corner of their cage or terrarium as their bathroom, so it's easy to clean up after them. They like to fill their cheeks with food, and will shred cardboard rolls or empty pudding boxes in order to make their nest. They sleep a lot but are fun to watch.

Can I have a copy of your article, please?

I will send it to you privately. It is mostly a true story.

[Eileen2005]

I will send it to you privately. It is mostly a true story.[/QUOTE]

Thank you. Cannot wait to read it.