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    alibaba6277's Avatar
    alibaba6277 Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Aug 10, 2007, 11:13 AM
    Did I chose the right path?
    A few months ago, I met a great man and fell in love almost at first sight. We went out together for a few weeks when I argued with my parents and I ended up moving in with my boyfriend. Well at first it was great; we were completely in love with each other and were even considering getting married in December of this year. At this time I was taking my A-levels, which was difficult, but he was helping me get through it. Unfortunately, we were a bit skint, so I got a job in a nightclub. This job kept me up until 5 in the morning, and I was dead tired the next day. I had made up with my parents, but decided to stay with my boyfriend. But the day after I finished my first shift at the nightclub, I realised that in order to keep up with my A-level work, and the best thing to do for both my boyfriend and myself was to return home. After finishing my A-levels, I carried on going out with him, but my parents didn't approve. They eventually made me chose between him and them. As much as I loved him, and still do, I couldn't hurt them again, so I chose to stay with them and not contact my now ex-boyfriend after ending it. Now I haven't heard from him for a couple of weeks and really miss him. I still love him so much and it hurts so much to be apart from him. Did I make the right decision by chosing not to hurt my parents again, but in the process hurting my boyfriend and myself? Or should I have moved back in with my boyfriend and lost contact with my parents?
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,288, Reputation: 10853
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    #2

    Aug 10, 2007, 11:18 AM
    It would really help if I knew your ages and if you are still in college as I have no clue what A level is.
    alibaba6277's Avatar
    alibaba6277 Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Aug 10, 2007, 11:20 AM
    I am 18 and he is 22. I am off to college (university in England) this year and a-levels are exams that are needed to get into it
    margarita_momma's Avatar
    margarita_momma Posts: 299, Reputation: 46
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    #4

    Aug 10, 2007, 12:13 PM
    Honestly, you are in a crossroads of your life. I made the choice to move away from home, get married right out of high school at 18, skip the whole college thing because it just wasn't for me and to take a full-time job as a bank teller. My other choice was to stay at home with my parents, have everything paid for, go to college (full paid), and eventually have a degree and a career to follow. Do I regret it... sometimes. It depends on the person which way you want to go. I am a strong believer in everything happens for a reason. I have a 3 year old son that I couldn't imagine my life without and I know I wouldn't have him if I would have stayed home.

    May I ask why you and your parents were arguing in the first place? Was it about the boyfriend? If so, they have no right to tell you who you can and cannot date or marry. That is your choice alone. If you were truly happy with your boyfriend, then don't leave him because your parents say, "no". YOU have to create your own future.
    Dennis777's Avatar
    Dennis777 Posts: 478, Reputation: 124
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    #5

    Aug 10, 2007, 12:21 PM
    Hello.

    If your going to school in England I would say your parents where right to get your head back in your schooling and not on your boyfriend. BUT that's doesn't mean if your meant to be together you can't start slow this time and see where it goes.

    Dennis777
    alibaba6277's Avatar
    alibaba6277 Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #6

    Aug 10, 2007, 12:24 PM
    We argued over something that had nothing to do with my boyfriend, in fact they got on with him before I moved in with him. But they blamed him for my leaving them.
    At the moment, my future has been paved out for me: college, then a good career. But I'm not sure whether I want that. I keep thinking of a life with the man I love. But I keep persuading myself that I have done the best thing. Should I just contact my boyfriend and tell my parents to stop making my decisions for me?
    And thanks for your advice Dennis777, but my parents won't let me start anything. Its got to be all or nothing.
    s_cianci's Avatar
    s_cianci Posts: 5,472, Reputation: 760
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    #7

    Aug 10, 2007, 12:25 PM
    Ultimately nobody but you can make that decision, whether it was right or wrong. How old are you and your boyfriend? Do you know why your parents didn't approve of your relationship with this man? Did you try communicating with them? Are their concerns legitimate or are they just trying to control you? Without knowing a few more of the specifics it's hard to give you a more definitive answer. I will say this, that ultimately you can't worry about pleasing your parents but have to please yourself. Be willing to listen to their advice and let them share their concerns but you have to have your own mind as well. Unless your parents are exceptionally young comparatively speaking, you're going to spend the last 30-40 years of your life without them. Ultimately nothing you do will impact them ; it'll only impact you.
    Dennis777's Avatar
    Dennis777 Posts: 478, Reputation: 124
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    #8

    Aug 10, 2007, 12:36 PM
    Hello.

    I don't agree, it might seem like all or nothing because of what you just said. You are thinking about quitting school for your boyfriend. That's why your parents are saying all or nothing. If he was thinking about you at all he would be telling you to go to school and then you can be together. Not that he is a bad guy he is immature and not looking at the future. He is looking at now and what his lower head is telling him life is all about. Set yourself up first then look at finding Mr. Right. This guy could be Mr. Right and if he is fantastic but that will be in the future. Once you walk away from school and your old life its very hard to get it back.

    Dennis777
    s_cianci's Avatar
    s_cianci Posts: 5,472, Reputation: 760
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    #9

    Aug 10, 2007, 12:43 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by alibaba6277
    we argued over something that had nothing to do with my boyfriend, in fact they got on with him before I moved in with him. But they blamed him for my leaving them.
    At the moment, my future has been paved out for me: college, then a good career. But i'm not sure whether I want that. I keep thinking of a life with the man I love. But I keep persuading myself that I have done the best thing. Should I just contact my boyfriend and tell my parents to stop making my decisions for me?
    and thanks for your advice Dennis777, but my parents won't let me start off anything. its got to be all or nothing.
    After reading this, I get the impression that your parents are concerned that your relationship with this man will jeopardize your education. I can appreciate their concerns. I also know that college isn't for everybody so ultimately that has to be your decision as well. Of course, there's no reason why you can't do both ; have a relationship with this man and plan a future and still attend college and get a degree.
    GlindaofOz's Avatar
    GlindaofOz Posts: 2,334, Reputation: 354
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    #10

    Aug 10, 2007, 12:47 PM
    No offense but you're 18 and have everything right in front of you. College is a great experience and if you smart enough to move forward with your education then why not give it a chance? I always find that when your parents disapprove of someone it makes the relationship incredibly difficult you basically have to choose between your parents or your boyfriend. Who knows what the future will hold the two of you.

    However if you continue on your path the future is certain that you will at least have a degree. If you decide to be with him why not have a long engagement and finish school before getting married. That way you get to try both out. Right now all you've tried is living with your boyfriend you haven't tried college.
    margarita_momma's Avatar
    margarita_momma Posts: 299, Reputation: 46
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    #11

    Aug 10, 2007, 12:51 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by s_cianci
    After reading this, I get the impression that your parents are concerned that your relationship with this man will jeopardize your education. I can appreciate their concerns. I also know that college isn't for everybody so ultimately that has to be your decision as well. Of course, there's no reason why you can't do both ; have a relationship with this man and plan a future and still attend college and get a degree.
    I agree. Why can't you have it all. Be with the man you love and go to college for that degree. You can always get a part time job and if you weren't arguing with the parents about the boyfriend, why would it bother them that you are with him but still attending college. There are other jobs out there besides a night club job.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,288, Reputation: 10853
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    #12

    Aug 10, 2007, 11:30 PM
    You and your boyfriend may have fantastic feelings for each other and it may well be love but you both are strangers and have many trials to overcome to know if this is forever. Your best choice is finishing your education as the two of you progress. You already know that that living with him will put your education in jeopardy, so at this time, is not a good idea. Finish school now, and by then you and your b/f will either have grown together or not. Your parents only want the best for you, and after school at 22 you will know what the best is. You will be a better partner and mother and more mature and can give your children a better life. Knowing this fellow a couple of moths is not a guarantee of future happiness no matter how much you love each other now. So don't let the dream of living with him cloud your judgement. Stay in school.
    FrOsT_bItE's Avatar
    FrOsT_bItE Posts: 125, Reputation: -2
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    #13

    Aug 11, 2007, 01:11 AM
    Ummmmm I don't know what age limit is in England, but isn't your age (18 with a 22 yr) illegal? That's all I want to know
    alibaba6277's Avatar
    alibaba6277 Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #14

    Aug 11, 2007, 08:55 AM
    Thank you all so much for your advice. I have chosen to continue with my education. Unfortunately my college is a long way from where my b/f lives, so we have chosen to wait until I return, and if its meant to be it will be. We are still going to remain friends, and my parents have said that they hope we don't get together in the long run, but will stand by me whatever I chose. Thanks once again for all your help; I couldn't see a way forward, but thanks to all your independent views I can.

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