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Greentea711 · Aug 9, 2007, 01:22 PM

Okay so me and my girlfriend have been together for around 8months and we had fights.and we had happy times the really good times.and then recently we had a bigggg fight.I was just listing out all the things she can't do cux I was fed up with it(basically I said.that you always forgets and you never learn.and you always late and I can't remember more cux I was so angry at that moment I was just saying things that most of it didn't mean it).then the next day she told me that she's losing love for me.and I couldn't stand it.so I just packed up my things and left her house.then I realize how much I want her back.and I asked for a chance and she no.cux she is still hurting from that night.and she said she wants to take me back and she wants to give me another chance but.she just cant.cux she can't trust me to change.and she asked for space and everything.and tmr I'm going to her friend's party and willl be seeing her.and I asked her if I could take her home and she said that one of her male co-worker is gonan pick her up and drop her home.and I can clearly see that that guy is hitting on her.and I just need some advice guys.cux she said.if ididnt pack up my things and leave we would have still be together.and I want to see her tonight and just have a nice talk with her.but she wants space and I don't know what to do.ADVICES!! please~~~

Haplo · Aug 9, 2007, 01:50 PM

Give her space. You did a large amount of damage by just up and leaving and now it's going to take time to heal and work through.

GlindaofOz · Aug 9, 2007, 01:57 PM

It sounds as if you said some pretty hurtful stuff to her. I think even if you didn't leave this relationship may have ended soon. It sounds as if you do not know how to communicate with her properly. The meaner you are to a woman the more love she loses for you.

Give her space as much space as possible. Let her be. Do not call her let her come back to you. If she does come back do not try to jump back into things you will have to ease back into the relationship and you will have to prove to her that you will not hurt her again.

talaniman · Aug 9, 2007, 01:58 PM

She asked for space then give it to her.

Just listing out all the things she can't do cux I was fed up with it.

Explain please, as you come off as a control freak

Greentea711 · Aug 9, 2007, 02:07 PM

Well like I'm sort of worry about her may falling in to that biker.cux she's is like very open to an attack by a new att.raction

GlindaofOz · Aug 9, 2007, 02:11 PM

Originally Posted by Greentea711

well like i m sorta worry about her may falling in to that biker.cux shes is like very open to an attack by a new att.raction

Attack? What attack? She's a grown up if she chooses to see someone else that's not really your problem. You left her remember?

Greentea711 · Aug 9, 2007, 02:13 PM

Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

Attack? What attack? She's a grown up if she chooses to see someone else thats not really your problem. You left her remember?

I know that I left her but guys when she said that.I couldn't do anything.I couldn't say anything.I was so hurt.

GlindaofOz · Aug 9, 2007, 02:24 PM

Well it sounds as if you verbally attacked her. If it was an isolated incident I'd say you can climb back but if you are verbally abusive to her she will not come back and there is nothing you can do right now. If you make some crazy move and do not allow her to date someone or act like a lunatic you will never get her back.

Greentea711 · Aug 9, 2007, 02:28 PM

True say.I had a talk with her earlier.and explain how I can change but she kept saying no nono she can't she can't she doesn't trust that I can change.and she said she still hold a grudge against me but she loves me.and she really wants to tak me back but she just need a lot of space.and she said it could be a very long time.so maybe after time to time I can do something for her?

talaniman · Aug 9, 2007, 02:30 PM

Doesn't sound very much like a loving relationship at all.

GlindaofOz · Aug 9, 2007, 02:33 PM

All you can do is give her space and time. Do not call her, do not bother her. When she is ready she will contact you. I think you will blow it if you keep on top of her. Speaking as a woman when I say I want space I was S-P-A-C-E. Don't call me I'll call you. I've told guys I've needed space before and they kept calling, emailing, Iming and that was it for me and I broke it off.

This is your first step with her by respecting her wants and needs you are going to show her that you can change. By leaving her be it will look good for you.

Greentea711 · Aug 9, 2007, 02:34 PM

Well like.I for sure.we had really lovely relatioship ship.is just that time after time when she done a little thing wronge.I always hurt her but tell her the meaniest .and thought she would learn a lesson.and I regrat all that.her friends told me.she still love me.

Greentea711 · Aug 9, 2007, 02:35 PM

Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

All you can do is give her space and time. Do not call her, do not bother her. When she is ready she will contact you. I think you will blow it if you keep on top of her. Speaking as a woman when I say I want space I was S-P-A-C-E. Don't call me I'll call you. I've told guys I've needed space before and they kept calling, emailing, Iming and that was it for me and I broke it off.

This is your first step with her by respecting her wants and needs you are going to show her that you can change. By leaving her be it will look good for you.

Yaa.. I will thanks that for DEEP advice.but its hard to not call her .but I will listento your advice.but what should I do tmr.at the party?

GlindaofOz · Aug 9, 2007, 02:37 PM

Tomorrow at the party leave her alone. Be polite but don't be on her. Again its easy here she wants space, give it to her.

Greentea711 · Aug 9, 2007, 02:40 PM

Okay thanks for the tips.I ask you more questions when I bump into some.

kp2171 · Aug 9, 2007, 02:47 PM

Buddy. If a big fight is all it took to kick your arse out the door, she wasn't all that into it all to begin with... or maybe she's not willing to work that hard.

I believe half of what you say. Yeah, you mightve said it in anger, but I'm guessing more of it was true than not. Maybe you said it to be hurtful, and we all "put up" with an acceptable amount of crap from our beloved... but don't completely write all you said off. She's probably hurt cause she KNOWS much of it was true.

As for she can't trust you and she wants space... her mind, her body, her choice. There is absolutely nothing you can do to make her reconcile if she isn't ready.

And as for the other guy, again, if she is that ready and willing to hook up with another person, well you were just one bad day and one bad fight away from being single anyway.

Chances are if you go to the party someone's going to get pi$$ed. You, her, whomever.

Did you send her flowers? That's a nice start. No guarantee. But a start.

And look... I'm irish/serb. My wife's italian. The only thing more volatile than that combo is gasoline. That said, even though we've had a few big fights where the other walked off with the one finger salute, or her fav, FU, generally we really try to talk and fight nice. Big blowups happen... they were invented so makeup sex could occur.

Well, no. but anyway, it happens. You get stupid. Try not to be so stupid next time. Just cause she's swinging doesn't mean you have the right to hit back harder or nuke. The more you can control yourself, the better you'll be. It's a hard lesson learned.

So in the meantime... if you need to go to the party, I would do this. I would go. Take her flowers. Walk up to her and say you are sorry. And tell her you love her and you are going to leave cause you know she needs the space. Then walk away.

If she chases you, hallmark moment. If she doesn't, she's still pissed. At least you put yourself out there.

If you aren't willing to do that AND be willing to still get kicked in the gut, well, it isn't worth the effort anyway.

talaniman · Aug 9, 2007, 03:45 PM

.

is just that time after time when she done a little thing wronge

I

always hurt her but tell her the meaniest .

Thought she would learn a lesson

Sorry dude, I just don't see this as a healthy relationship, but I may have misunderstand, and if that's the case I apologise.

Greentea711 · Aug 9, 2007, 08:58 PM

I understand. Guys I bought her a blue rose for tmr.I m just thinking of how I give it to her.I m not going to bother her as you guys adiviced.but I will just send it to her.b4 she leaves.so you.I am so tipsy right now cux I just needed alcohol to make me cried .and is doing good I actually feel a lot better.

I mean should I still stay away from her or give her the blue rose?

Greentea711 · Aug 10, 2007, 04:29 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

.
i
Sorry dude, I just don't see this as a healthy relationship, but I may have misunderstand, and if thats the case I apologise.

Well maybe becux of that .but other time. Outside the fights.we get really in love to each other.

s_cianci · Aug 10, 2007, 12:53 PM

You were "listing out all the things she can't do"? Unfortunately, it's not your place to tell her what she can and can't do. Frankly I would have dropped you like a hot potato, run and never looked back. If her lifestyle makes you uncomfortable, then you need to decide whether it's something you can live with. If it isn't, then you don't go out with her, plain and simple. But to try to coerce her into changing is a losing battle from the start. You're lucky she's still talking to you. I think you need to lay off relationships for right now and work on yourself. Get some counseling to learn how to cope with people who are different from you and don't see eye-to-eye with you on every issue. If you do so conscientiously, then you may have a shot at eventually having a successful relationship with someone.