[Blondie00]

Hi Everyone,

Ok this might be controversial to some people but I am curious as to what people think may be going on with a guy I know. I'll try to be as brief as possible.

I'm friends with a married guy. I met him online, on a dating site, thought he was single, later on found out he was married. He have slept together a few times, and get along great as friends. The moment I found out he was married (which was after the first time we had sex) I stopped pursuing him and all contact that has been made since, has been initated by him. I do like this guy, but don't wish to interfer with their marriage, as what is going on with their marriage is between the 2 of them (even though, yes he's cheating and possibly that may be seen as interferring, but I am not pursuing him, but if he wants to meet up for sex/chat then I won't say no) I don't expect anything re: relationship from him, and simply treat each time I see him, as if it were the last time I will see him.

The thing is, a few days ago he told me he was moving 5 hours away for a job offer. He is going ALONE. He says that when things get too hard he tends to run away (I am much the same way) He also says he is moving as the job is quite a step up the career ladder for him, and that he wants to decide whether he wants to be a married guy or a single guy. He also just told me that he got another women pregnant, the baby is 7mths old (he has 2 kids to his wife and now one with this other women) and that he has depression but has been seeing doctors about it. He's asked me to move with him and that he'll take care of me. I've only know this guy for 3 months.

It's very tempting to move with him, for change of scenery, and I am thinking of doing it but not living with him, nor really assocating with him, just simply for a life experience.

I understand this guy has a really messy life at the moment, but I would like to help him if possible. I understand that I would probably help him if I did not see him, but that would only really help if he had feelings for me. If we were simply friends, who had sex then what is the problem? I don't want to ruin their marriage, I feel he is doing a good job of that by getting another women pregnant and then chosing his career over his family by moving 5 hours away.

I don't really have a question here, just really looking for peoples thoughts on this situation, just so I can have an insight into what may be going on.

Thanks heaps

P.S... He just turned 34 this year, so maybe it's a midlife crisis?? I don't know

[talaniman]

Oh please spare me the excuses. He goes from female to female and now since you are WILLING he wants you too. I tell you what, STOP HAVING SEX and see how much he cares for you then. TRUST me he will replace you with another female within a few days, if he already hasn't gotten a 4th female on his hook, that you know nothing about. Wake up, this is an old story and he makes you feel special as long as you have sex with him. Life experience?? Yeah right. Mid-life crisis?? At 34?? He is making perfect fools out of all of you.

[GlindaofOz]

Mid life crisis? PUH-LEESE. This guy is a confused child who wants to stick it in whatever will be still long enough.

He got another woman pregnant while he was married, was trolling on a dating site and you think this will all quit if you go there?

WAKE UP. This guy is disgusting. Find some self respect and move on

[s_cianci]

You're not in a position to "help" him. And if you really mean what you say about not wanting to interfere in their marriage, then cut off any and all contact with him. It's understandable that when you first got to know him you weren't aware that he was married, but the minute you found out he was should have been the end of it all. The fact that he initially deceived you about his marital status and that he's been sleeping with other women as well and even having a baby with one doesn't excuse your part in it. So back off, then you can say with a clear conscience that you aren't interfering with his marriage and not contributing to the breakup of his marriage.

[Sportsfanatic]

I learned a hard lesson from getting involved with a married man... You will experience pain like you never felt. So, get out before you end up hurting like I am...

[Blondie00]

Ok, I'm not really wanting to get into a relationship with this guy though. I really like the things the way they are, sex and friendship. He is an adult making his own choices, I'm am just curious as to what's really going on with him.

As I said, I'm not expecting a relationship from this guy because he is married, I'm just curious as to what's going on considering he IS married. I've told him that I've been seeing other men, but I'm not willing to settle for someone yet and I'm just having fun.

I understand this guy is very confused and I'm not expecting nor care if he continues to look for other women. I am not committed to him, he can do what he wants. I know he's married and really should be considering his wife, but that's HIS relationship not mine.

I understand what I'm doing may be wrong, but you only live once go for everything right? I like having fun with this guy and I enjoy his company, for whatever reasons they may be, I still enjoy it. I shouldn' have to justify my actions to people I don't even know. I believe I'm doing the right thing by not contacting him but he wants to contact me and meet up for sex/chat then I'm not going to say no. (others may disagree with me on that, that's their opinion)

I suppose what I'm curious about is why?

Why is he cheating on his wife? (they've been together for 7 years, have 2 kids and apparently a very good sex life so I'm told)

Why is he moving 5 hours away? He said he wants to think about whether he wants to be a family man or a single man. (but why, he's married, kids what's wrong with that picture? )

Is he really moving away for work? (I know if I was married with kids, I'd be choosing my family over my career. Is this different for men?)

I know at 34 he might be a little young for a mid-life crisis, but about a year ago he was made redundant from a job and he's suffering from depression. Plus, he's got a lot on his plate at the moment: cheated at least with 2 women, got one women pregnant, moving 5 hours away from his family?? Wouldn't all that lead to a mid-life crisis for a guy? It would certainly be creating a lot of stress in his life...

I do appreciate everyone's response to my post, even though some may be harsh, but it's good to know other peoples opinions on this situation.

Thanks

[s_cianci]

Your assessment of the situation is probably about on the mark. However, it's not your place to worry about why he's cheating on his wife. Actually, if you really want the hard truth as to why, it's because of women like you who'll willingly sleep with another man's wife, even though there's no hope for a meaningful relationship. I don't mean to preach a sermon to you, but if you and others of like mind would maintain enough integrity to not sleep with someone else's spouse, then nobody would be able to cheat, whether they wanted to or not. After all, you can't cheat if there's nobody to cheat with. The fact is and remains that you ought to have nothing to do with this guy. Even though you admit it's purely for your own enjoyment and that you don't expect anything from him, that doesn't rationalize anything. Suppose you were the wife who was getting cheated on ; would you want any woman who wanted think it's OK to sleep with your husband for her own enjoyment, even though she would never expect a relationship from him because she knew he was married? It is true that what goes around, comes around. If you don't change your mindset, you're setting yourself up for a lot of heartache and a lonely, unfulfilled life.