[beekermlady]

My fiancé and I have been together 3.5 years. We have been living together for the last two years. Last year he announced to me that he was going join the United States Navy. I wasn't thrilled with the idea at first but when we discussed it, and I realized that he really needed my support, and that this lifestyle could be very beneficial in our life together. I went along with it and stood by him.

He graduated from boot camp recently. When I flew out to see his graduation, and to see him after 9 long weeks apart, where our only form of contact was letters and a couple of very short phone calls, he proposed. I was nervous to tell my parents, as we are only 21, but I went along. Made my points about how we have always done everything right, we are good, responsible young adults and have proved over and over that we know what we want, and we KNOW we want to be together for the rest of our lives. To my surprise, they didn't even need that much convincing. My mom threw her arms around me and started planning a wedding.

My fiancé and myself were both born and raised Roman Catholic in a very small church in NJ. We actually became friends while attending CCD together. My fiancé had a falling out with organized religion in his teenage years. After a year of dating, and me teaching CCD classes and attending mass on a weekly basis, I convinced him to come back to the church. We attended for nearly a year. Then I had major surgery which prevented me from attending mass and my fiancé didn't want to go alone. Since my surgery (last august) I have not returned to mass. I really have no explanation except pure laziness.

Now, with our wedding coming up. And fast approaching (we are planning for an early march wedding in 2008, although that is subject to change according to his orders) I am questioning if I should return to church. He is 800 miles away in IL and I am still in Jersey. I don't know where to begin with the church wedding. I know you are suppose to give the church a years notice. We don't have a year. We feel as though we have spent enough time together in our lives and that without a marriage certificate it is just inconvienent.

Without being married we cannot live together wherever he is stationed without having to pay for our own housing. I will not have benefits, as my current job does not offer benefits. And we will basically be several hundred miles away from each other. We do not want to live apart any more. March is our tentative date. When he gets his orders that could move up or back. We cannot give a definite date until about the first week in sept.

I don't know when I should approach the church, or even if I should. I want the church to be a part of our married life. I want to married in the churches eyes. He has attended mass several weeks on base. He wants the church wedding also.

But.. I don't know if the church makes exceptions about military marriages. It is very likely that he will not get much time liberty before the wedding, which will not leave much time (if any) for pre-Cana. He always will NEVER be able to attend mass with me, in the coming months. I was hoping to find a site on the internet about it, but Google isn't producing any. So, does anyone know if there are exceptions that the Catholic Church makes for weddings like this? I can't imagine that our situation is that rare, with the war going on, that's why I was surprised not to find anything on Google. I intend to start attending mass again either way. But I don't want to approach the priest until I know for sure what is going on.

So... any help? Advice?

Thanks for reading this. I know it has gotten pretty lengthy.

[Wangdoodle]

I think the best thing to do is to approach the priest, explain your situation, and go from there. I don't know all the exceptions that can be made. I do know you could get married sooner than a year. Six months is the usual minimum time for preparations. The priest at the parish you wish to get married at is the best person to get this information from. I am sure he would be wiling to work with you two so you can start your marriage off in the best way possible.

[Fr_Chuck]

You also have the options of the Catholic Chaplain on base. Because of the flexability of a military life, you will find them easier to work with.

And to be honest, each parish priest is different some are easier to work with, others are not.

Also there are Independent Catholic groups, ( like the one I belong to) which have valid sacraments as reconised by the RC church.

And the local priest is just a man, go talk to him