[Akki]

Ok, so here's the basics of this situation:

My current girlfriend is 17, and I am 18. We have been inseparable best friends for almost 5 years now, and in some instances we know each better than we know ourselves. We each have watched over the years as the other dated several different people, but 4 months ago we decided (after much flirting with the idea) that we should date. What started as simple dating soon grew into a strong relationship. I am in love with her and she says she is in love with me, and up until this week things were going great. I returned 6 days ago from a short rafting trip, and upon my return I was greeted almost immediately by my girlfriend who had a gift and a card from me. The card was short and simple, but the message she had written for me really brightened up my spirits and affirmed in my mind that she loved me. However, just 3 days ago, I noticed something different in her voice. I coerced her into telling me what was wrong, and what I heard was not good.

She informed me that, though she loved me, she was considering breaking up with me. She explained that she had not had time to recover from her previous relationship (which had been an abusive, 14-month one) before we started dating (we started dating 3 weeks after her previous relationship ended. She told me at that point that she was ready, and I just accepted what she said). She said that she had not had time to find herself, and that she had just started having these feelings around two weeks ago. She did not know what triggered them, but the best solution in her mind was to break up. After much more talking, I told her that I wanted her to be happy and that I would be willing to suspend the relationship (since I am about to move an hour away for college anyway) temporarily. She then went on to talk about dating other people but the possibility of eventually getting back together sometime in the future. She says that she doesn't know what she wants to do.

I am very confused right now. I am generally an optimist, but I feel so sickened by the thought of losing her that I am becoming pessimistic. My two thoughts are as follows: On one hand, I love her and want her to be happy, and I feel that if this is meant to be she will come back to me. On the other hand, I cannot get past the thought that this all happened so soon and she may not know what she wants right now and is just trying to push me away. What's more, I have heard of people letting the person they love go and then never getting them back, and I don't want to be one of those people.

Possibly the worst part, however, is the prospect of not being friends anymore. She wants to go back to the way we were if we do break up, but I don't know if I can do that. I am not trying to be spiteful, but I just don't know if I can handle being great friends again with someone I felt so strongly about. This is her biggest fear as well, but if there was a way for me to make her understand how real this possibility is, I think that she would definitely understand what dangerous waters we are treading.

That is my problem... I don't have any one 'question', but what I want right now is advice, stories, examples, anything really. My main focus is keeping her. How can I do that? Do I just give her up willingly, or do I tell her that I'm not letting her go that easily (not in an abusive or controlling way, mind you) and then fight to keep her?

Thanks to anyone who is still reading this- I realize that it is long!

[GlindaofOz]

Well who knows what could happen. You have to understand that any of us who have let go f someone we loved and they didn't come back and happier for it. All that means is that person is not the one for you.

With that being said you need to give her space and time to heal. Do not question her as to when you think you will be getting back together, do not tell her over and over again how much you love her. All of these things will stress her out and definitely shut down your relationship. You cannot make someone feel a way they don't or stay if they don't want to. That is the lesson of life. Love comes and goes. It hurts when it wants to leave but sometimes its for the best. You are getting ready to go off to college where you are going to find many easy distractions with classes, new people and learning a whole new life.

What your girlfriend wants to do is healthy and good. She should get to know herself and feel comfortable with who she is outside of a relationship.

Again you cannot keep her if she does not want to be kept. Give her the space she needs and when she's ready she will come back to you.

[Ash123]

Have a real honest talk and if there is no progress have this in your back pocket:
This may be where she is:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...de-116834.html

This is the other side of this, and where you are now:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...sh-114179.html

I too had a GF walk away and she came back when I didn't return any calls. Texts. etc... for months... but unless things really change it will happen again - so talk and be honest with not only her - but yourself... no egos allowed :-)