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lisalou · Jul 31, 2007, 08:45 AM

I go so up and down.

The last couple of days I've been really strong and now I just feel my chest tightening, I'm missing him.

I haven't heard from him since Friday so that's nearly 5 days, I haven't a clue what he's been up to as he's not been online.

I feel lost and like I'm about to be upset again.

GlindaofOz · Jul 31, 2007, 08:49 AM

I think you need a clean break here. The reason you are feeling like this is because you're keeping him around. The best way to heal is to back away from that person. My personal belief is no contact for a minimum of 60 days. It gives you space and time to think.

lisalou · Jul 31, 2007, 08:54 AM

I'm not keeping him around? I haven't spoken to him - we have some bits and pieces that need to be sorted out but I haven't seen him. Im not planning on contacting him, its just difficult to feel like you are coping at some points after you've seen them every day for the past 3 years.

GlindaofOz · Jul 31, 2007, 08:56 AM

Yeah I know it is tough. But you will get through it. I know how difficult it can be, its like losing a limb.

Just be kind to yourself and try to occupy yourself with other things. A friend and I have a "rescue me now!" clause in our friendship that when we break up with someone we both will drop whatever is going on to help the other one get through a difficult time. So if she wakes up crying in the middle of the night I answer the phone and talk her through it. We have both found it immensely helpful in those first few weeks of breaking up. Do you think something like that might help and do you have a willing friend?

lisalou · Jul 31, 2007, 08:59 AM

Ive got a friend who is going through the same thing as me and we are there for one another which is nice, we are going away this weekend which will be good. Ive been OK, mostly... Every day I get through I think GOOD - but sometimes I just feel very weak and then miss him. Im caught between almost trying to block it out and just getting on with life and making plans to then sinking low and feeling awful like I want to curl up and cry. Its very strange, I don't really understand myself at the moment, how I can feel okish one minute and then feel overwhelmed the next.

GlindaofOz · Jul 31, 2007, 09:03 AM

That's what happens after a breakup. It just feels so sad and overwhelming and you can think you're doing great then something just sends you DOWN.

Its great you have girlfriends who can help. I think you guys should try to spend as much time together as you can. It will help all of you heal. Just try to take day by day that's the only way to do it. Everyday it will start to hurt a little bit less. Don't let anyone try to rush you into feeling good I always say take as much time to grieve as you need.

lisalou · Jul 31, 2007, 09:08 AM

Im lucky I have a lot of friends, a lot of the ones where I live are his friends too though which is going to be tough in the future, for now I'm avoiding him for at least the next few months and people understand that which is good. I had a good weekend with old friends which was great, I cried some then. Im just sometimes unsure, I can't let myself sit around and cry and I don't know if maybe I should be letting myself do that. I cry when I feel overwhelmed but I've been keeping myself busy and trying not to dwell too much. I feel like I've got a big lump in my throat right now and I haven't felt like this for a couple of days.

I wish there was a pill you could take when you know its not going to work, that the pain just goes.

GlindaofOz · Jul 31, 2007, 09:16 AM

No kidding. But I guess these pains are what help us grow.

Do you work out? I know during my last breakup I would go to the gym everyday and run and run and run until I felt better. It helped me sort out my thoughts and helped me relax. (well then I would go home and make myself a nice drink that helped too ;) )

lisalou · Jul 31, 2007, 09:19 AM

Yeah I do. I haven't ben going because I hadn't been eating properly ad would have fainted but I'm eating again now so I will go back.
Ive dropped a dress size without going to the gym. Amazing.

Canada_Sweety · Jul 31, 2007, 09:27 AM

Maybe you should see your doctor... that's not healthy.

lisalou · Jul 31, 2007, 09:29 AM

No I know, its OK really. When I get stressed I can't eat much, I'm feeling much better now though and am eating properly again. Ive been stressed out about this for about 6 weeks in total so that's how long its taken for it to come off.

Canada_Sweety · Jul 31, 2007, 09:40 AM

Alright... as long as you're alright.:)
But if it happens again... you best be seeing your doctor, cause eventhough it seems like nothing, it's still a big issue for your body.

SAB123 · Jul 31, 2007, 11:04 AM

Lisa, It's been 6 months since my ex fiancé broke up with me. Some advice is if you have to cry, cry it's not good to hold those feelings in. You are going to be a wreck for a while but try to stay busy and don't contact your ex until you are completely healed. I contacted my ex 2 months after she contacted broke up with me and I went rite back to square on. This is a bad idea. I still have trouble eat to this day. She hurt me pretty good, but when you decide to let go it gets easier. And once you do this you'll start feeling better. And our probably dreaming of him every night those will fade away it's been 4 days since I haven't dreamed of her.

nicespringgirl · Jul 31, 2007, 11:26 AM

Try to call all of your friends - even the ones you may have ignored during your recent relationship - and make plans immediately. Now is not a good time to be alone.
Secondly,Vent when the need arises. Good friends will let you take out the photo album (again) and cry (again) and rant (again) - and they'll still love you.
Third,Allow yourself time to grieve. If you don't let yourself wallow in self-pity for a while and mourn the good times lost, your heart may harden to future relationships and love.
You need to realize that this sadness will pass.
Remember the good aspects of the relationship (there must have been some), and then get excited about the new direction your life is suddenly taking. Change can be awesome!
:)
Hope you feel better

hettie · Jul 31, 2007, 02:28 PM

Whatever you do DO NOT contact him I mad that mistake several times and now 4 months on whe things could have been long ago resolved I am still limping along simply because I MAINTAINED CONTACT. Frquently to be honest in fact I am shocked my ex tolerated it so well but I am calming down now and mostly resist the urge so try not to fall into the same trap I did OK

lisalou · Aug 1, 2007, 05:32 AM

Hiya,

I have been crying when I've wanted to, isaw one of my best friends the other day and just sobbed my heart out which was nice. Im trying to not have any contact and have done pretty well. He mailed me today though to tell me that he's missing me, that he sometimes finds it really hard, so its good to know he's finding it difficult as well.

One of the things I did straight away is contact old friends, family I hadn't seen etc - so to widen my circle of friends again, I am very lucky I have many people who will have me stay, in my house I know all my neighbours so can pop round there. Im off to the coast this weekend with my friend who has also split with her boyfriend so I'm hoping we will have a good time. I feel less bad today, though when I got the e mail from him I felt upset but I guess I was also glad he's hurting too. We split because he didn't know what he wanted and felt we were too different, but we have always cared for one another but it just isn't going to work.

SAB123 · Aug 1, 2007, 06:05 AM

Lisa, It did feel good when I knew my ex was hurting too. But next time he e-mails you e-mail back for him to leave you alone. TRUST ME when I say this 2 months after break up I made the mistake of e-mailing my ex. Then she came over to drop something off. That was the worst mistake I did. Went rite back to square one. You don't want to keep in touch with because you will never move on. You don't want him 3 months from now e-mailing you when you start to feel better. It will hurt. But you are on the rite track. Cry when you have to I cried for 3 months then when that stops you know you are on your way. But do NC if you want to heal faster. I wish I would have.

lisalou · Aug 1, 2007, 06:10 AM

Yes I know that's for the best, thing is we have A LOT of the same friends, I hope that ONE DAY we'll be able to be around one another again. I mean I'm talking a lot of time, a year or so before I think ill be able to do that. He's also got a load of my stuff from when we lived together which ill have to get at some point but he says that I can keep it there till I need it. Neither one of us did anything particularly wrong to the other so I hope one day we might be OK to be around one another.

SAB123 · Aug 1, 2007, 06:16 AM

Yes, I would say a year would be good. I personally believe you will be able to be friends with him when you are healed. But what I would do is have one of your friends go and pick up your stuff for you. By you seeing him will only make it worse.