[mango7777]

I know it's not me, as a Step-mom, but it sure feels like I am the one who's holding the families together. Not that I am superwoman, but I feel I am the only healthy minded person in this family dynamics. I don't approach the blended family thing the way I use to, 4 years ago, I've relaxed about it. But it is so disappointing and frustrating when I can't do what I feel is true and best for my step kids, ultimately.

How do you deal with blended families? What's your way of approaching life as a caring step parent?
What do you do to connect? What is pointless? What is the prize at the bottom of cracker jacks box?

I would love to hear it :)

All I know, is we are tackling something because we chose to, but it sure is hard sometimes.:p

[tawnynkids]

I can say it really depends on a lot of different factors. How long have you been in the family? How is your relationship with your spouse? How old where the kids when you got married? How old are they now? Is the other parent an active presence in the children's lives? How well do the bio parents get along?

Your question is very vague but as a step parent, a good step parent, you want to be accepted as a parent figure at the least, you want to treat the children as you would your own, you would want to be respected by your spouse for your position in the family and your opinions regarding the children, you would want to be someone the children can look up to and respect, you would want to be involved in their lives... the list goes on and on. The positions are also different if you are step mom or dad. A step mom might have the opportunity to have a more active role in the direct decision making and upbringing of the kids, where as that doesn't really seem to be as easy or accepted for the step dads. The prize is that when those children grow up you have a healthy relationship built on mutual respect and love.

The pointless things for step parents are getting involved with the decisions/fights that are between the bio parents. You can't control anything , you can be supportive of your spouse but ultimately it is going to be between the bio parents to work together.

Step parenting is hard, hard. I have much respect for the ones that do a good job. Some how it just doesn't seem like there are many out there. But there are some none the less. They can really help children lives become more stable and offer a completion of a broken circle.

Whether a step parent or natural parent you wouldn't and won't always agree with the decisions your spouse wants to make regarding your children. The chances are whether you are mom or step mom dad will make certain decisions you wouldn't be able to go against without being out of unity. That is just a part of a marriage with children. Sometimes you push the issue and it goes your way and sometimes you have to relinquish the fight. When you are a step parent you know down deep that there is always that "well they aren't "really" my kids so I guess I can't do anything if I disagree" and that's probably true. But even with natural parents it's ends up being just that way in one situation or another at times.

Without having to be so general it may be easier to help you find the words/ answers you are looking for. Is there anything specific that is on your mind about your particular situation?

If not, all I can say is love the kids, be open with your spouse, realize the disagreements you have regarding the children would be the same disagreements you would have with your children together, realize the difficultness (sp?) of it all for everyone and be patient and FORGIVING (of everyone, even you).