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tinkerpan · Jul 20, 2007, 07:06 PM

My mother is 85 and wants to pass . She is not herself and for years has said she wantedto die. Now I believe she is really ready to go. We cried it out the other day. She told me she prayed to god to die. I said you don't believe in god mojm. She then said now she does. And wants to be at peace. I have talked to my family aboutthis and we want her to be at peace too. We thougth we could sign papers letting her drink water and not the thickened stuff they have put her on. But now they won't give it to her. I can or my family but the nursing home will not. I asked her if she really wanted this and she said yes. She attempted to kill herself by falling out and into her bed. Now they watch her like a halk.
Feel hopeless. I am sure she feel worst. Iam just a lovign daughter who wants hermother to have her wishes met.

J_9 · Jul 20, 2007, 07:07 PM

They won't give her what?

CaptainRich · Jul 20, 2007, 07:27 PM

I think she means "water."

What's the significance of that?

J_9 · Jul 20, 2007, 07:39 PM

I thought it meant the "thickened stuff." That will keep her from starving to death.

CaptainRich · Jul 20, 2007, 07:49 PM

we thougth we could sign papers letting her drink water and not the thickened stuff they have put her on. But now they won't give it to her.

But it sounds to me like they want, and maybe need, to let her go... DNR?
Wow. That's a tough situation!

J_9 · Jul 20, 2007, 07:54 PM

DNR simply means No Heroic Measures. Does not mean that they can't keep her comfortable as she passes. Food, parenteral nutrition, feeding tube "thickened stuff" is not always considered DNR. This is considered comfort measures as she can pass comfortably rather than painfully.

DNR is no CPR, no intubation and ventilation, but "thickened stuff" is for comfort.

J_9 · Jul 20, 2007, 07:54 PM

Yes, I was there a month ago. Not only did I learn it in school, but with my father as well. At least I knew he passed on his own rather than in pain, starving.

tinkerpan · Jul 21, 2007, 06:32 AM

She will not drink the thickened stuff. She refuses it. They are trying to make her drink it. She wants water. They treat her like a child. " Come on drink some more Doris" she is 85 not 3.
She keeps getting urinary track infections. All of this was before the thickened stuff. I am sure she will get another if she does not get fluids. Then when she gets one her mind goes and she tries to kill herself. I'd rahter die naturally on a glass of water then kill myself by jumping out of my bed.
The day she jumped the bed she told me she was going to do it. I thougth she was just being dramatic. I was wrong. She did get fluids at the hospitol. And then she seemed more like herself again. But then we wetn back for a choke test and she failed it.
She will get a nurse to dail my number to ask why I did not come and brign her a drink. I feel like Iam going to get into trouble . They todl me a family member couldgive it to her but the nursing home would not .

CaptainRich · Jul 21, 2007, 07:50 AM

So you're saying she needs the water to avoid UT infections, they won't give it because it isn't part of her prescribed treatment? But they say you can give her water and then that exonerates them for any complicity or responsibility? Hmmm?

J_9 · Jul 21, 2007, 09:22 AM

This is utterly confusing, because the hospital's job is to make her comfortable. If she wants water I am sure they will give it, but she must have nutrition also. If the doctor orders nutrition (thickened stuff) and the nurse does not give it, the nurse can lose her license.

Water is necessary to prevent UTIs. This is also what I question in your post.

Is your Mother telling you all of this or do you have good communication with the staff? I suggest you speak with her doctors about your concerns.