[aknj30]

I have a problem my boyfriend of over 8yrs broke up with me.we have been together since Jan 3rd 1999, and I was his first love,and sex partner.I was his first everything and the first serious relationship.all he said was that you loves me and cares for me but doesn't have the same feelings for me.This is the second time he broke up with me.The first time he broke up with me saying the things aren't the same and he tells me he met this girl on line from miami and we live in New Jersey and he feels a connection with her and this was about almost 2yrs ago, and they became boyfriend and girlfriend. They never saw each other and just talk on the phone and online.then she broke it off because he kept coming for me for sex and stupid me went for it.. then we can back together on Feb. 3rd of 2006.things were going good.then in end of may of 2007 he break up with me by saying he love me and cares for me what doesn't feel the same way and he said he swears there is no girl.I'm so heart broken and feel betrayed.I did everything for him,I drove him around,got him anything he wanted,help him get his license,made appointment for him,cleaned his room,and pretty much babied him. I did more than his own parents ever did for him in that over 8yrs I was with him.all he did in the past was lie to me,Cheated on me with girls online about seven years ago and told me two years ago a day after my grandfather died.I seriously pretty much dealt with a lot.he didn't cheat on me ever since that 7 girls about 7 years ago, but for some reason I felt I was the one trying hard and he was never there for me.He is anti-social and never wanted to hangout with groups of people.All he does is go on his computer.he never wanted to do thinks like camping,hiking or anything fun.He was like jekyll and hyde one day he was happy and the next he didn't want anything to do with or anyone and wanted4d to be left a lone.I keep hoping he will change and stuff and even after a break have a fear of another girl coming to his life and changing him for the best.I love him so much and really want him to come back but he keeps telling me that he doesn't want me and doesn't want to be with me and tells me that it's me almost 2months and that I should be fine now.You think he will ever realize he is making a big mistake and come back.How could someone after 8yrs totally stop loving someone that quick.he tells me I call and text him too much, and that he tells me I should move on.Could it be that I was too needy,or clingy.Or maybe I was calling him too much and stuff and he got sick of me? I don't know what went wrong? I never cheated on him, and was a great girlfriend even he said I was so what went wrong.. I cry all the time and wish he would come back.. please help me and tell me what should I do and you think he will realize he made a mistake. I'm so heart broken :( and confused :confused:
Please someone help me and tell me what I can do?

[Singy]

Hi... Listen I can tell you to move on as you really should . The relationship you were in is not a relationship. There is no sharing, nothing. All there is is the fact that you are both so used to each other, well you more than him..

I really think that you should forget about him. And if he wrote to this thread saying my girlfriend is calling me all the time and I don't want her back even though she does it all for me, I would tell him to move on too... Clearly it is not healthy for both of you to saty together.. But I am aware that a heart wants what a heart wants.

Here is what you should do : Give yourself 2 months... and nothing less than that. 2 months... You stay away from him, do not call, do not write do not do anything. Just let him see that you are no longer there. OK? There is no other way that he will want you back but if you stay away and keep yourself busy, there is a slight chance... and that's little... Many people will tell you to move on and they will be correct too, but as I said I know you love him and want him back... So you have to HAVE to STAY AWAY...

Even if he contacts you within those 2 months, do not reply to him. OK? Nothing.

[hettie]

It tough giving it your all and getting not a lot back I was great o my ex in fact still am he says that he was unhappy and that why we split although for life of me I can't figure out what I did wrong he says nothing, me and my ex are still friends but unless I contact him he doesn't contact me he does run me places and thing and I wonder if this is helpfiul or not on the one hand how do I get over him if we still doing stuff for each other but how do you maintain a friendship as we have if we never see each other it a tough gi all right. I think your guy sounds confused abnout life in general and also may have some mental heath isue i.e. depression and lack of social skils you can't resolve these on your own we should both try to be strong and break contact which I know is a killer but we aren't doing ourselves any good

I am trying this method if we are meant o be togher we ill if that means seeing gother people to realize this then so be it idf it meant to happen it will if not then he has showen you what you do not want from a guy be grateful for that and rock on

[aknj30]

I guess you are right. But Its so hard.I can't believe after all these years of being there for me he keep playing games and finding girls online and just treating as if m nothing to him.I hope one day he feels the pain I feel, and regret losing someone that did everything for him.I'll take the advice of no contact and try to move on but it so hard and have guess I have no choice.But I still don't understand why you does these things? Y does he have to always meet girl online and dump me and stuff.I t really hurts after all these years.:( I am so confused.. my family and friends all say he is never going to change and will always me the same.he isn't stable and stuff.I'm going to try hard not to have any contact as much as it hurts I have to.

[talaniman]

Listen to your family and friends, as they are not blinded by the emotions you have. He was not as deeply invested as you were, so you bear the brunt of acceptting this is over, and move beyond this period of your life.

[modular01]

Relationships are a 2 ways street. The street in your relationship was one way. You were doing all of the giving. He wants a mom not a girlfriend it sounds like. Guys like that rarely change.

You're an attractive girl. You should have no problem finding another guy when the time is right. Stay away from this guy, give yourself time to heal and sort things out. Red flags about your relationship will become clear to you once the healing process starts. Someday I hope you can look at your post and say, "Wow, I'm really happy that I'm not with this guy anymore".

[Nicnet]

I guess you are right. but Its so hard.I can't believe after all these years of being there for me he keep playing games and finding girls online and just treating as if m nothing to him.i hope one day he feels the pain I feel, and regret loosing someone that did everything for him.I'll take the advice of no contact and try to move on but it soo hard and have guess I have no choice.But I still don't understand why you does these things? y does he have to always meet girl online and dump me and stuff.I t really hurts after all these years.:( I am soo confused..my family and friends all say he is never going to change and will always me the same.he isn't stable and stuff.I'm going to try hard not to have any contact as much as it hurts I have to.

Firstly sorry to hear your having a hard time.

I think the thing you need to realise is this man has absolutely no respect for you or your feelings if this is how he has been treating you. All he has been doing is substituting your for a 'mother figure' who will look after him, feed him when he wants food and ignoring you when he feels like it. I'm sorry to be so blunt as I know the first love of your life will always be someone you care dearly for.

You have to ask yourself. What's in it for YOU. What will YOU get out of the relationship besides him just being there to ignore you and treat you badly. Do you have a say in what you do and where you go for days out? Does he help you wash the dishes and snuggle up to watch a movie when your not feeling well? That's what relationships are about, not one sided giving as you have been doing.

As others have said. Take a time out for a while, Go out by yourself, have fun, do as YOU want to do and you may soon realise just how constricted your relationship has made your life. Who knows you may even find someone who respects you.

Please let me know if this has been helpful at all

Nicnet

[aknj30]

Hey, I find out the he met a girl online from the bronx and they have been sleeping together and it's only been two months. She kept calling and leaving me voicemails how she is having sex with me and kept bothering me so I changed my number.I don't need the drama. Now my biggest fear is that I will never see him again.But eventually like you guys said I will realize he is not worth it hopefully.All he did was hurt me,cheat,and lie.. and I gave him the world.It hurts to see after 8yrs he just moved on so fast but I guess he isn't mentally stable and is immature.I don't know now, I just hope one day he will get his and regret everything he did and .I just hope me changing my number was the right thing.My friends say if he ever want to crawl back trut me he'll now how to find you.but why should I even care abou that right?