[soulsearcher]

Hi,

I was wondering if anyone would be kind enough to share some thoughts or advice on my current situation...

My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and decided to break-up recently. He initiated the break-up although if I'm honest it was only a matter of time before I would have brought it up. We both agree that it wasn't bad but also that it wasn't great for quite some time.

We had certain problems that we weren't dealing with such as communication issues (being a big reason for me). And we had developed a bad habit of taking each other for granted.

He added to this also said that he didn't think we had enough in common and that he didn't he think we were soul mates or that it was true love.

In a later conversation, we were opening up about our issues and he brought up that he had never really got over a previous relationship with a girl who had very similar past and life as him. He said that he hasn't been able to truly be in love since that person hurt him so by breaking-up with him. He really believed they were meant to be together but she disagreed and had many grievances with their relationship.He realized that they both wanted different things in life but hasn't been able to move on or be open to being in love again despite countless relationships afterwards.

He had never discussed this with me while we were together, and I believe that would have made a big difference in our interaction. I often felt as if he was hiding something but I was afraid to speak up on the issue. We discussed this a bit more, but he thinks it's too late and that we are both better off as friends.

For the moment, I agree with this and am enjoying getting to know him again through our new conversations as it has been really eye-opening.

There is one point of confusion in this for me and that is even though we are no longer together he still wants to be affectionate with me (such as holding each other, kissing my back and arms). I brought up that this may mix-up emotions but he said he doesn't think it does. Still, I am a bit perplexed with his need to be that physically close especially since we seem to be meeting as often, if not more often then we did while we were together and as he is eager to keep doing so.

Our relationship was never typical. We didn't have a clear beginning and it seems like the ending is like that as well. I still love him very much. And I must admit, I wouldn't dismiss trying again sometime in the future but we both need to work on ourselves before that happens.

I guess I am looking for some perspective on the situation.

Thanks in advance.

[emopunk7]

You should tell him that you are not ready to be friends with him at the moment. Since the two of you did not break up in bad terms, just tell him that you are not trying to get rid of him, but you just feel really hurt and by seeing him and not being in a relationship, hurts you a lot. Therefore, you will need at least 3 months before the two of you can talk again. Within those three months, you must get yourself together as far as emotions go. You must go to the gym and meet new people and go out everywhere, and try to be happy alone and go on dates. Within three months you can then and only then reevaluate your situation and see where he stand and then take it from there. Any other procedure will affect you in a negative way such as confusion and feeling hurt, lost and lonely. I really wish you the best and I hope you listen to the advise here. I mean, it is what you came for, right? God bless you and pray!