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Flyguy1784 · Jul 11, 2007, 02:49 AM

Everyone has been saying that I spend way too much time with her and by no contact that is going to make her come back but I haven't been around her that much she lives 4 hours away. One of her main reasons she said she is doing this is because I didn't express my love for her in the past 6 months she felt the void the last 6 months. She felt like I was going to come home or call her at any moment to end it. So yes I need to give her the space she wants and I am going to wait for her to contact me by phone in a few weeks before I respond but I don't know if full no contact is the best option... anyone?

Jiser · Jul 11, 2007, 03:07 AM

Sounds as though she is really insecure. Go no contact and work on yourself.

mckenzie134 · Jul 11, 2007, 03:14 AM

Hay mate she willtell you enything at the momentweather it be you werntthere enough or whatever the simple factis she is not that into you at the moment and HELL you think its taken 6 months of her worrying to do this. If girsthink you are goingto breakup with them they don't break up with you for that reason. The reason she said that was to try and makeyou say I will change I will give you moretim I will o this I will do that I will let you have me by the balls and drag me around like a dog!! GET REAL BUDDY girls love guys who have bsalls and run the show and they don't leave them they only leave wuss bags who believe every ounce of crap that is coming out of hwr mouth. IF you really want her tell her yourve had enough yourvethought aboutthings and since she's so up and down your finished wth her! Simple leave it at that. SHE WILL BE BACK IGUARANTEE as soon as you sow her your not putting up with this she will be back why do you think she has stayed for solong because you were in charge but now the tanles areturning and she is in control and dragging you arounf reverse this now or your out SIMPLE

itit · Jul 11, 2007, 08:57 AM

My option is the same as my last post. And that is what worked for me.

talaniman · Jul 11, 2007, 09:58 AM

It is still going to be hard to move on but I should be with someone that knows what she wants.

You know the answer, just do it. Be about you, and your own healing, and be happy.

Flyguy1784 · Jul 12, 2007, 06:45 AM

Hey everyone I am back at work now keeping busy this morning which is helping me keep my mind off her we still have had no contact since Monday night. I haven't contacted her and she hasn't contacted me so she is getting the space she wants. I am going over to join a gym tonight try to keep me busy after work and getting into better shape is always a good thing. Thanks for all the advice the past few days when I get to a point where I feel like I need to contact her I come and read all of these posts so they have been a major help. We will see when the next time she tries to contact me but I don't think it will be anytime soon and at that point I don't know if I will pick up.

Flyguy1784 · Jul 12, 2007, 08:41 PM

She sent me a text today it was so hard not to respond... I take it I can expect much more of this? At what point do I start responding not for another 2 weeks? What point does she start to run away thinking that I am totally gone I don't want it to get to that point.

talaniman · Jul 12, 2007, 09:29 PM

Do you know what you want? Call her but say nothing of getting back together, just be a good listener and figure where she is at. Be yourself.

Flyguy1784 · Jul 12, 2007, 09:56 PM

I want her back but I want her to come back to me and I want her to know that this is right. I don't know what she wanted with the text it was a Hey and that she was going to send a letter that she has written over the past few weeks about the situation. I still get this feeling that she doesn't know what she wants and is looking for someone else.

mckenzie134 · Jul 13, 2007, 01:27 AM

What point does she start to run away thinking that I am totally gone I don't want it to get to that point.

She doesn't run away everyone thinks like this. The more you ignore her the more she will want to talk about it. Every bloke here says but she might think I'm not interested well your not going to ignore her for a month are you. Its called a couple of days and then you reply. If she sends you a hay what's up, you don't reply you reply the next day. You let her wonder what your doing...

talaniman · Jul 13, 2007, 04:39 AM

I think Mac put it very well, your giving her space and time to miss you and examine her feelings without any pressure from you. That doesn't mean run and hide but be busy with your own life while you go slow when she contacts you, to make sure she is doing what she wants being with you. No contact is when you know its over and you get healthy. Call her but leave the relationship out of it and let her lead the conversation and you listen. You don't have to fall all over the female just go slow and build trust, and listen for where her head is at. Your time is used to find out your mistakes and correct them as you slowly build communications. Your insecure and need to work on that or else you wouldn't be worried about her looking for someone else. Keep working on yourself.

Flyguy1784 · Jul 13, 2007, 05:10 AM

Her text was a simple hey what's up, I have a letter that I am going to send you, and oh yeah Thank You. The thank you was from something I dropped off at her house about 4 days ago while she was at work. She loves these candy that you can only get on the east coast so I picked some up for her when I was on vacation and left them at her house. So I don't know if the text was an I miss you type text or more of a thanks for doing that I feel like I have to text you now type text.
I know I am insecure and have some major trust issues but the only reason I see for her doing this is that she wants to find someone else. I am working on my issues I know I shouldn't be insecure I have a lot to offer but it is hard right now. I still feel like her head is in the same place as before so I am going to wait till she sends me this letter she said she had before I go and contact her. I mean am I missing something here is there something you guys see that I don't and that is why you guys don't think its totally over?

talaniman · Jul 13, 2007, 06:37 AM

I can only go by what you write, the more details the better. By the way are you in the same city and what makes you think there is someone else?

Flyguy1784 · Jul 13, 2007, 06:48 AM

I have put all the details out there, no we are 4 hours apart but I was driving through her town the other day on the way back home from vacation so that is when I dropped off that stuff. I don't know why I think there is someone else but she says she left because she was unhappy and that I didn't tell her how I felt about her for the past 6months. So I wasn't giving her the attention she wanted and why wouldn't she go out and find that attention from someone else. I don't think she is jumping into bed with them she isn't like that it took me a good 4 months to even get her to go on an official date. Her parents have gone through a lot they split up after 30 years of marriage so it really takes a lot for her to open up and trust someone. She always says she can't imagine opening up and trusting anyone else the way she trusts me. She has said in past emails that she is single during this but isn't looking for someone else but then a few times on the phone during the first few days she said "I would regret not dating other people during this I need to figure out what people I work well with and what people I don't and find out if we really are right" so there is mixed signals coming all over the place.

Flyguy1784 · Jul 13, 2007, 09:03 AM

Ok I just realized that I had purchased tickets to her favorite theater show the last weekend in July before all of this I was going to drive down and surprise her. I don't know what I should do at this point do I ask her if she wants to join me or do I not even bring it up? I don't want this to look like an effort by me to invade her space but I have had these tickets for almost a year now.

talaniman · Jul 13, 2007, 09:38 AM

Don't do anything until you read the letter, and see what's on her mind. I know nerve racking, but take the opportunity to stay busy with what you enjoyed before you got with her. Long Distance relationships are hard on the most mature, and experienced couples, so its important that you fill your time wisely. Her signals are mixed, so wait for her letter.

Flyguy1784 · Jul 13, 2007, 09:44 AM

I don't get it why she is sending this letter... is this the way she is going to tell me it is all over with? She talks about the letter in the voicemail she left me last week "I have wrote you a little letter over the past few weeks explaining why I need this because I am not good on the phone". I feel like she just doesn't have the courage to just end it over the phone and this letter is going to do that.

talaniman · Jul 13, 2007, 10:59 AM

Get busy till it comes, don't trip!

Flyguy1784 · Jul 13, 2007, 11:06 AM

Should I ask her what I should expect from this letter?

talaniman · Jul 13, 2007, 11:24 AM

No