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    bhdjna's Avatar
    bhdjna Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jul 2, 2007, 10:00 AM
    I want him to want to spend more time with me.
    My boyfriend loves me and I know that he does, but he plans things with his friends before he would plan something with me and it drives me crazy. I have four little boys from a previous marriage. I get them half of the week and it seems that he would rather not be around. I try and plan something with him and he will say that he has to see. It is almost like he is waiting for something better to arise. I want him to realize what he is doing and that he may lose me if he does not change. I know that he wants to spend time with his friends but right now he is having to stay with his parents because he father is really sick and he does not come over as much anymore, so the time that we can I would like to see and spend time with him. I have not talked to him since last night and I don't know if I should call him or wait and see how long it takes for him to call me.:(
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,298, Reputation: 5646
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    #2

    Jul 2, 2007, 10:15 AM
    I can understand that he doesn't want to be around when you have your kids with you. It makes perfect sense that he may want you to have time with them and they can have their Mom uninterrupted. This is a very loving and selfless act he is doing for your kids.

    One thing men DON'T want is a clingy need woman. They prefer mature independent women. Could you be coming across as too needy or clingy for him? Possibly.
    bhdjna's Avatar
    bhdjna Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Jul 2, 2007, 10:18 AM
    No we are not like that. He does his thing and I do my thing. We are both very trusting, and have no problem letting the other one go any where alone. But since he has been helping his dad we have very little time together and when does have free time he would rather go with his friends.
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,298, Reputation: 5646
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    #4

    Jul 2, 2007, 10:23 AM
    Well, if his dad is ill I can understand that. My father was recently ill. It takes a lot out of a person to be caring for the sick family member.

    He may just need time to decompress. He may feel better doing this with his friends right now. There is nothing wrong with that, he just may not want to burden you.

    This all may change when his father gets better.

    Have you talked to him about your concerns? Remember communication is the key.
    bhdjna's Avatar
    bhdjna Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Jul 2, 2007, 10:27 AM
    I understand that he has a lot to deal with and have always been very supportive and understanding. I don't pressure him to do anything with me and I know that he needs to help his dad, but he promised me that when he had free time he would spend it with me and now it seems that he will spend time with me if nothing else is available. I want to be understanding but he is in a relationship and he just can't put me on the back burner forever and expect me to be there when he is ready.
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,298, Reputation: 5646
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    #6

    Jul 2, 2007, 10:29 AM
    Then you need to convey this to him. Remember communication!
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