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    Mocha's Avatar
    Mocha Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jul 1, 2007, 07:14 AM
    Married man going to strip club.
    I am a happily married man for over 5 years now. Recently, my wife traveled to Hong Kong for a business trip (5 months assignment). So, I got to stay in the house by myself. I developed a habit now is having a need to go to a strip club. I have already gone 3 times in a month and I am seeing myself going to there more before my wife gets back. I am writing this to see what other people think about this? Does my action considered to be cheating on my wife? How can I stop thinking mentally not to go there? What do you think about a married man going to strip club on his own? Confused man... :confused:
    Angel eyes22's Avatar
    Angel eyes22 Posts: 15, Reputation: 3
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    #2

    Jul 1, 2007, 07:55 AM
    Hey,I'm not married , but I'm sure your feelings will change when your wife gets back. I don't see this as cheating but as away of meeting your needs although I would be quite unhappy if some told me or my boyfriend told me that they were going to a strip club. And you don't want to get spotted there either. It seems to becoming a habit but at least your not doing anything with theses girls but you should keep stuff like that for you and your wife. Hope things get better
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,302, Reputation: 7692
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    #3

    Jul 1, 2007, 08:19 AM
    Why are you going, are you trying to take one of the dancers back home, how much money are you spending there, can you afford to spend that money.

    If you were going one time with a group of friends for a party before they got married, or some special event, and your wife is fully aware you are going, it is no problem.

    If you are ashamed to admit to your wife you are going, it is wrong, and while I am guessing at the reasons you are going, I would say you are going for some wrong reasons.
    chiquita_bandita's Avatar
    chiquita_bandita Posts: 44, Reputation: 8
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    #4

    Jul 1, 2007, 08:20 AM
    I used to be a dancer, so I'll try to answer for you.

    A majority of the guys in the strip club are married or with someone, so you're not alone in that respect.

    Whether it's considered cheating would ultimately be up to your wife, as everyone's definition of cheating is different. If you think your wife would be mad about it, then it's probably not something you should be doing.

    If you want to stop going, there's a couple things you could do. First, is it possible to spice things up with your wife either on the internet or over the phone? It sounds like you're missing her companionship and looking for it elsewhere, so maybe you two could start having sexy phone conversations, sending each other racy emails and IM's, that sort of thing. Just be 100% sure it's safe to send your wife emails (because she's there for work, you wouldn't want to get her in trouble if she's on a work computer).

    Second, if you want a good reason to stay out of the club, I'll be perfectly honest. The girls there just want your money. They'll sit and talk with you and act like you're the only person in the world as long as you're spending. At the end of the night, they count it up and laugh all the way to the bank.

    Third, find something else to do when you get the urge to go out. Call up a friend and go do something together. Maybe find a hobby. Buy a couple of adult magazines to satisfy your curiosity. Try an adult bookstore/novelty shop... they have lots of things there you can use for "alone time".

    Just be assured, you're perfectly normal! And the fact that you are concerned about your wife's feelings speaks volumes.
    SameOldSituation's Avatar
    SameOldSituation Posts: 66, Reputation: 32
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    #5

    Jul 1, 2007, 08:06 PM
    Fr Chuck,

    I'm a bit surprised by your answer. The Bible clearly states that lust of the heart is adultery. Of course, we all sin, and we all lust at times. I won't deny that. But, the Bible also says that you should cut off the source of your sins. I'm not sure if the poster is religious, but, being a priest, I'd expect and desire more answers based upon the Christian faith. I'm pretty disappointed.

    Mocha, man, I'd challenge yourself to be the best guy you can. You can listen to all other poster's answers, and not mine, and many may disagree with me---I mean, that's fine. Different opinions from other people. But, based on the simple fact that you're teetering with the idea that it MAY be a bad thing--and came looking for advice here--I think you know what you should be doing. Do the right thing, bro. Cut off the source. Be proud in doing the right thing.
    HeyMan's Avatar
    HeyMan Posts: 1, Reputation: -1
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    #6

    Jul 2, 2007, 04:12 AM
    I think you should honestly talk to your wife about going to strip club when she is gone. She shouldn't be mad at you if you tell her the truth.
    If you love your wife, tell her how you feel...
    Mocha, I don't think it is a good idea to get into a habit going to the strip clubs, those gals just want your money.
    But at least, I think it is better for you to go to the strip clubs than having sex with other gals... THAT WOULD BE A BIG PROBLEM!
    Kattalover's Avatar
    Kattalover Posts: 120, Reputation: 20
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    #7

    Jul 2, 2007, 07:16 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by SameOldSituation
    But, the Bible also says that you should cut off the source of your sins.
    So what's a man to do? Cut off Big Jim & the Twins? LOL

    Sorry, couldn't resist!
    SameOldSituation's Avatar
    SameOldSituation Posts: 66, Reputation: 32
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    #8

    Jul 2, 2007, 08:51 AM
    Haha... funny mrs. bobbit! But, here, ridding the source would be eliminating factors which stimulate the lust, and, in this particular case, going to the strip club.

    Look, I understand the reality that it is tough---especially for this poor guy---his wife's all the way in China! But, you got to do the right thing. Doing the right thing very often is tough. We all know that.

    I'm also aware that he, I, and everyone else will still have lustful thoughts in our lives. But... and this is my opinion... (and I by no means regard my opnion as the utmost correct one)... it's important to work on your sins as hard as you possibly can. Of course you'll still screw up. But if you can eliminate things, then, hey, do it!

    It's VERY easy to say "hey man, a guy's got needs...I mean, come onnnnnnnnn!" Trust me, I know. It's also easy to say "gee i don't see a big deal....i mean, would you rather him be having an affair?" Heck, I say things like that myself sometimes!

    But that is fallacy, and it avoids the matter-at-hand.

    Again, my more religious talk may not even be of interest to the poster, nor may it even have a place in the Adult Sexuality forum---I was simply disappointed to see a Priest with the title "Super Moderator" on the Forum that claims to give "Live Help from Real Experts!" say that there is a "wrong" reason for going----like there is ever a right reason to go---to lust in the heart. The Bible I read would speak against attending--even if it were for a bachelor party.

    It's easy to get caught up in secular views and say "ohhhh come on....nothing that bad going on give me a break." Easy indeed.
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,495, Reputation: 2853
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    #9

    Jul 2, 2007, 08:54 AM
    I like seeing women naked. Doesn't mean I like my wife any less. Never went out with a stripper and never tried to either.
    SameOldSituation's Avatar
    SameOldSituation Posts: 66, Reputation: 32
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    #10

    Jul 2, 2007, 08:58 AM
    Eff it. I can't win a secular battle with religious talk. Think what you want, bro.
    alkaline's Avatar
    alkaline Posts: 61, Reputation: 20
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    #11

    Jul 2, 2007, 09:13 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by SameOldSituation
    It's VERY easy to say "hey man, a guy's got needs...I mean, come onnnnnnnnn!" Trust me, I know. It's also easy to say "gee i don't see a big deal....i mean, would you rather him be having an affair?" Heck, I say things like that myself sometimes!

    But that is fallacy, and it avoids the matter-at-hand.

    Again, my more religious talk may not even be of interest to the poster, nor may it even have a place in the Adult Sexuality forum---I was simply disappointed to see a Priest with the title "Super Moderator" on the Forum that claims to give "Live Help from Real Experts!" say that there is a "wrong" reason for going----like there is ever a right reason to go---to lust in the heart. The Bible I read would speak against attending--even if it were for a bachelor party.

    It's easy to get caught up in secular views and say "ohhhh come on....nothing that bad going on give me a break." Easy indeed.
    I'm happy to see someone that feels the way I do on this issue. When I posted in a thread previously giving my opinion I got attacked with "boys will be boys" and "you are insecure" and things of that nature.

    It comes down to opinion, as I said before. In my opinion, going to a strip club is cheating. I have zero tolerance for it. Other people may feel differently, and that is fine, but I wouldn't be in a relationship with them.

    I agree with you that there is never a "right" reason to go. Not even for a "bachelor party." Personally, I think if you're about to get married to someone because you love them so much the LAST thing on your mind should be wanting to give other women that dance around you naked money... but that's just how I feel about it. I guess some women wouldn't care, I'm just not one of them.

    The only thing I disargee with you on is the "secular views" part. Maybe from your perspective and you being Christian and trying to really follow the Bible in your life (which I respect, by the way, many people call themselves Christian and don't seem to try and live a Christian life at all) you think that this is based on "secular views."

    I'm an Atheist. So were my last two boyfriends. We all agree with what you think about this. You can be Atheist or "secular" and still have strong moral values that you live your life by. I do everyday. I have my opinions on right and wrong, many of which would probably be similar to those in the Bible, that I live by just like you.
    smart701's Avatar
    smart701 Posts: 4, Reputation: 2
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    #12

    Jul 2, 2007, 10:01 AM
    Hello Guys,

    Well my English is not very good, but I try to write this message hoping to give help to you Mocha,
    Lets get away a bit from religion, If you hear that your wife is going to a strip club in Hongkong and maybe she is dating someone there, what would your reaction be? So please put yourself in the place of your wife and try to think 1000 times.
    americangayboy's Avatar
    americangayboy Posts: 220, Reputation: 38
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    #13

    Jul 2, 2007, 10:31 AM
    If you feel guilty about going, you should not be going! Talk to your wife about it and see if there is anything she can do to "ease the pain." I really thought that previous post about adult magazines was good advice. Of course, you should let your wife know about it so she's not taken by surprise when she finds "Jugs" when she comes home.

    Also, I agree with smoothy. Just looking isn't cheating (to me) but you should consider what your wife would think.
    self_lnflicted_hell's Avatar
    self_lnflicted_hell Posts: 106, Reputation: 9
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    #14

    Jul 3, 2007, 05:55 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Mocha
    I am a happily married man for over 5 years now. Recently, my wife traveled to Hong Kong for a business trip (5 months assignment). So, I got to stay in the house by myself. I developed a habit now is having a need to go to a strip club. I have already gone 3 times in a month and I am seeing myself going to there more before my wife gets back. I am writing this to see what other people think about this? Does my action considered to be cheating on my wife? How can I stop thinking mentally not to go there? What do you think about a married man going to strip club on his own? Confused man ... :confused:
    I think you already know the answer, you pretty much told yourself in your post... "Does my action considered to be cheating on my wife? How can I stop thinking mentally not to go there?" You feel bad about it and you feel that in some way it's wrong. I think it's wrong, I'd be devastated if I found out that my boyfriend of 2 years was frequenting strip clubs and the like. I'd feel like I'm not good enough for him.
    trudiloulou's Avatar
    trudiloulou Posts: 8, Reputation: 3
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    #15

    Jul 3, 2007, 06:00 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Mocha
    I am a happily married man for over 5 years now. Recently, my wife traveled to Hong Kong for a business trip (5 months assignment). So, I got to stay in the house by myself. I developed a habit now is having a need to go to a strip club. I have already gone 3 times in a month and I am seeing myself going to there more before my wife gets back. I am writing this to see what other people think about this? Does my action considered to be cheating on my wife? How can I stop thinking mentally not to go there? What do you think about a married man going to strip club on his own? Confused man ... :confused:
    Omg if my husband did that while I was away I would kill him and as a wife yes I think its cheating are we as wife's not good enough for you?
    njrider69's Avatar
    njrider69 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #16

    Jul 24, 2007, 03:29 PM
    Hello Mocha--

    I understand what you are saying as I am in the same boat.
    When my wife and kids are away, my behaviour is similar: visit a strip club, get a massage, rent X flicks, etc.

    I know it is something she will be deeply hurt by, but I cannot control myself. I rationalize that at least I am not taking a lover, etc. But this is a hard thing to overcome.

    Its not that I don't have other friends and activities to occupy with. Just somehow feel a bad side of me takes over. It is possible to overcome this eventually, and I am myself working hard. Care to join?
    lostinatrance's Avatar
    lostinatrance Posts: 50, Reputation: 3
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    #17

    Jul 24, 2007, 03:41 PM
    Would watching porn instead of going to a strip club?
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,328, Reputation: 10855
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    #18

    Jul 24, 2007, 04:21 PM
    Originally Posted by Mocha
    I am a happily married man for over 5 years now. I developed a need to go to a strip club. I have already gone 3 times in a month, and I am seeing myself going to there more before my wife gets back.
    What started as a lark by a bored fellow, has escalated to an obsesion, because you can't think of any constructive way to spend your time. Enjoying it once is fine no problem, but if that's all you do I suggest you call a close friend, and have him tie you up or something. That you asked for help is good, and shows you recognise that it is becoming a problem, now stay away and do something else with your freedom.
    SnaveLeber's Avatar
    SnaveLeber Posts: 103, Reputation: 5
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    #19

    Aug 3, 2007, 11:21 PM
    Comment on SameOldSituation's post
    Very very good
    gallivant_fellow's Avatar
    gallivant_fellow Posts: 157, Reputation: 31
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    #20

    Oct 8, 2007, 02:47 PM
    If you have any problem, shouldn't the love of your life and the woman you chose to be with forever be the first person to go to? In this case, the problem is even about her, she should have been the first person you went to.

    I admire you for feeling guilty. It shows you care about your wife, but maybe you don't even have to feel guilty. Talk to her about it.

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