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    Explorer1's Avatar
    Explorer1 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jun 30, 2007, 07:48 AM
    I am in love with an older married man
    I have been separated from my husband for two years, and a month before I decided to call it quits, I fell in love with a married man, who is seventeen years older than me. The reason I decided to leave my husband was because he cheated on me throughout our marriage. I know that what I am doing is wrong, and every time I try to call it quits I somehow can't seem to do it. He tells me that he loves me, but he can't leave his wife because of his three grandsons. I somehow think that I am not the only one he is seeing, I was able to listen to his voicemail, and there was another woman leaving messages for him. When I approached him about this he claimed that she was a distant cousin, but check this out this supposedly distant cousin lives next door to him and his wife. He also tells me that he makes love to me more than his wife. (I find that hard to believe) Can you please give me some advice.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,328, Reputation: 10855
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    #2

    Jun 30, 2007, 09:45 AM
    You wouldn't have to go through these changes if you leave him alone, and get something more positive, and honest in your life. If you haven't learned from your own marriage where this leads, and the misery and pain it causes, then you will be doing exactly as your husband did to you. Let him and his lying cheating a$$ go play somewhere else, and no excuses. Don't be stuck on stupid, and get played.
    shygrneyzs's Avatar
    shygrneyzs Posts: 5,017, Reputation: 936
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    #3

    Jun 30, 2007, 09:55 AM
    Okay, your husband cheated on you and had the other woman. You were devastated when you found out and now you are the other woman. What is wrong with this picture?
    This older man is not going to divorce his wife for you. Even if his wife found out, he would do anything in the world to keep what he has. At his age he cannot afford to have a divorce and start all over. While you, who are single and unencumbered with a relationship, can go out freely and find some decent guy who is not married and who can give 100% to you.
    Hope you get a chance to go through the Help Desk and read threads of women who took married lovers and just where it led them. You can tell this guy goodbye in one easy way - "Goodbye" - and do not look back. No phone calls, no emails, no visits, no sympathy for his adulterous indulgences.
    Inspired's Avatar
    Inspired Posts: 178, Reputation: 22
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    #4

    Jun 30, 2007, 11:44 AM
    I will get the "judging" part out of the way. What are you thinking woman?? Hes married and on top of that he's 17 yrs older than you (the sex won't be good for much longer). You said you "fell in love with a married man" one month into your divorce. You were vunerable and wanted a companion. I know you left your husband because he was cheating, but it still takes a toll on us, weather we leave them or they leave us. Therefore your vunerability led you to this old married man. I honestly think you are going down a path of destruction. Get a bunch of girlfriends together, go out to the club, dance with some single young men, maybe take one home, and then you will remember what you were missing! Hopefully it will be enough to open your eyes and stay away from this married man. One last thought, Im assuming he's been married to his wife for many years. If he could treat his wife like this (cheat, lie, etc) then what are you to him? Hes probably doing the same, if not worse, to you.
    bushg's Avatar
    bushg Posts: 3,433, Reputation: 596
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    #5

    Jun 30, 2007, 11:51 AM
    I am going to go out on a limb here and say that you probably have issues with your own father or lack of. Please deal with this issue or you will always be attracted to some ba$tard that is wanting to use you. Get counseling
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,302, Reputation: 7692
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    #6

    Jun 30, 2007, 04:07 PM
    I will do nothing but judge, you will deserve all the heartache and pain you get, You left your husband for the same thing you are doing now. He will never leave his wife, and I hope you don't mind seconds or thirds, does he compare how you are better or tell you how his wife does something so you can do it that way ?

    You are grown, you know it is wrong, and you will get all you deserve for this down the road somewhere.
    Gem07's Avatar
    Gem07 Posts: 64, Reputation: 27
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    #7

    Jun 30, 2007, 06:53 PM
    The bottom line in this situation is that it is WRONG. What you're doing is not right in any way and it's going to lead to heartache. I've been where you are, so I know. I was a side dish to a married man for almost two years. He used me for sex. You are being used for sex. You're a break from bills, the wife, the house, etc. You are taking what is not yours and one day someone will take from you, too. Someone already has, but you did not learn the lesson. I think life/God continues to give us the same lesson until we get it. I'm not sure if you'll have the strength to end it since you say you're in love. I know you'll end it at some point. The sooner the better. It just gets harder, believe me. Be brave. Be courageous. Look fear in the face and end it! And yes, this is about fear. Fear of being alone and alone. You feel like he's better than nothing. But he's less than nothing. He's a man of zero character. There are good men out there. Find one.
    feelinalright's Avatar
    feelinalright Posts: 3, Reputation: 0
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    #8

    Jun 30, 2007, 07:15 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Explorer1
    I have been separated from my husband for two years, and a month before I decided to call it quits, I fell in love with a married man, who is seventeen years older than me. The reason I decided to leave my husband was because he cheated on me throughout our marriage. I know that what I am doing is wrong, and every time I try to call it quits I somehow can't seem to do it. He tells me that he loves me, but he can't leave his wife because of his three grandsons. I somehow think that I am not the only one he is seeing, I was able to listen to his voicemail, and there was another woman leaving messages for him. When I approached him about this he claimed that she was a distant cousin, but check this out this supposedly distant cousin lives next door to him and his wife. He also tells me that he makes love to me more than his wife. (I find that hard to believe) Can you please give me some advice.
    OMG---Stop wasting your time with this crap-filled creep and GTFO!! I don't even know you, but I can tell you that you deserve way better than that! Don't waste good months/years of your life letting some old f*** get his jollies off stroking his ego with knowing he's got you on the line whenever he wants!!
    Dennis777's Avatar
    Dennis777 Posts: 478, Reputation: 124
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    #9

    Jun 30, 2007, 08:06 PM
    Hello.

    Im not going to tell you why being with this Man is wrong because you already know that. Im not even going to tell you to look at how you felt when you found out your husband cheated on you and your doing this to his wife. Im not even going to say a word about how he is using you.

    Lets talk about you and how much better you would feel about yourself if you where living an open and honest life. The fact you wouldn't have to always worry about being seen. The fact you could be honest to your friends if you still have any left. You know he will never divorce his wife and marry you. So unless you enjoy the lies and sneaking around, being under his control 24-7 you need to do what you already know is right and walk away.

    You're a special Lady and should be treated that way. Give yourself a chance at a full and Loving future. A little hurt now will be worth the future you can have with an open and honest relationship.

    Good Luck
    Dennis777
    ramblinguy's Avatar
    ramblinguy Posts: 86, Reputation: 9
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    #10

    Jul 1, 2007, 06:07 PM
    Can't be with you because of his "three grandsons????" That should be enough for you. Puleeze! Dump this guy. He has no intention of breaking up with his wife and family. Every day you spend hoping he will choose you lots of great guys are not getting to know you.
    pandacooda's Avatar
    pandacooda Posts: 6, Reputation: 3
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    #11

    Jul 2, 2007, 09:45 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Explorer1
    I have been separated from my husband for two years, and a month before I decided to call it quits, I fell in love with a married man, who is seventeen years older than me. The reason I decided to leave my husband was because he cheated on me throughout our marriage. I know that what I am doing is wrong, and every time I try to call it quits I somehow can't seem to do it. He tells me that he loves me, but he can't leave his wife because of his three grandsons. I somehow think that I am not the only one he is seeing, I was able to listen to his voicemail, and there was another woman leaving messages for him. When I approached him about this he claimed that she was a distant cousin, but check this out this supposedly distant cousin lives next door to him and his wife. He also tells me that he makes love to me more than his wife. (I find that hard to believe) Can you please give me some advice.
    Many people are too quick to act without thinking and in most cases are out for "self". You didn't like your husbands adulterous ways, and now you are the other woman. Not to be too harsh, but people such as yourself really get under my skin. If a man has a woman, he should be off limits. Do you not have any self-respect? Love yourself and get rid of this loser. As far as moving on, try not to be so desperate and quick to jump in the sack with any guy that shows you a little interest. They may have a wife or girlfriend also. Nothing but heartache will come from men who cheat (or vice versa). Even if they leave their girl or wife, most likely they will do the same to you.

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