[Wildcat21]

Passion

Here's the crux of how and why relationships work or fail. Simply, you can't appreciate what you take for granted. This in essentially why people, in general, become unhappy in their own lives. They always want more but are never grateful for what they have. And if you are not grateful with what you have, you will begin to take it for granted. And when you do this, you no longer appreciate it. And when you don't appreciate something it holds no enjoyment for you.
The same holds true for relationships. If someone takes you for granted he or she will not appreciated you and will begin to look for someone else. Similarly, if you went to the doctor and were told that you might lose your hearing, you would probably develop a renewed appreciation for sound. Our gratitude lies in being reminded that w should not take these things for granted.

And you don't take for granted what you believe can be taken away from you at any time. Similarly, if the object of your affections is a bit insecure with the relationship -meaning there is an element of doubt -then his or her black of confidence will not lead to arrogance and ingratitude. You must create an element of uncertainty or you will lose the passion that drives the relationship. Since it's possible for someone to be taken away from us at any time -by accident, by illness -why do you have to create more doubt?
If you're in love, you don't This is for those who are not yet at that stage, for whom we artificially and temporarily create the same "atmosphere" of uncertainty.

Again, without some doubt there is the feeling that "you will always be there." Then he no longer sees how great you are and loses appreciation for you. He begins to take you for granted and then and the passion dies. But you, in your relationship, can within a second reignite the passion and turn the relationship around by introducing an element of doubt. Passion is extinguished when there is no doubt because when there is no doubt you will be taken for granted. Just as in the previous example of going to the doctor; You never gave your hearing a second thought until you thought that it might not be there. When doubt is introduced into the equation it changes you perspective! I cannot stress this enough: You will be taken for granted and not appreciated and the passion will go out of the relationship if all elements of doubt are removed.
Unfortunately, when we are insecure about a relationship we harm it further by being clingier because we need reassurance. But in doing so you reinforce that you are forever his and remove in his mind any doubt that you might not always be there. And then passion is extinguished. It is a fact of human nature. But now that you understand you can use it to your advantage.


Remember that this and other factors discussed here are not ideas or tricks that work sometimes. These are laws that dictate human behavior. If you use them and operate within these parameters you can succeed at gaining complete leverage in any relationship. But finally, make sure that you don't make the mistake that most do when it comes to…how you make them feel.
Why can't I have an open, honest and trusting relationship? You can, of course, but you have to wait until you are in love with each other -and here's why. The above three tactics are ego-based and are designed to get you to this point, but should be discontinued so that you can move on to a mature and lasting relationship. Briefly, love is the absence ego or the "I". And once this takes root, the dynamics of the relationship change so that the more the person is available, and the more he does for you, the more you love him. As far as passion goes, you need only introduce some uncertainty should you feel you are being tasken for granted.


How You Make Them Feel

She likes you based on how you make her feel about herself. This doesn't contradict the above. You should still maintain the above behavior -regarding your attitude and availability-but you do want to treat the person well. It's bad advice, though often given, that you don't want to build up someone's confidence, and be overly flattering and complimentary, because then she will "know that you like her" and back off. To a degree, we know this can be true, because when someone likes us, while we are flattered, we can find ourselves less interested in the person. This reaction comes courtesy of the rule that says, We want what we can't have and want more of that which we have to work for. Simply, if it falls in our laps we tend to have less appreciation for it.


But herein lies the crucial difference between being attentive and kind versus telling her that she is your entire world and the only person for you. (Because, as we talked about, this removes doubt and begins to erode the passion.) The former is more objective and has to do primarily with her. The latter involves your relationship and invokes the rule of scarcity. Notice the crucial difference between saying how much you like this person -which makes you lose leverage -and telling her that she is likable and a great person. Merely stating that somebody is terrific makes her feel great and makes you look great. It's a winning combination because it's only the confident person who tells another how wonderful and terrific she is. And we like confidant and secure people! The distinction is often blurred and we end up trying to "play it cool" and not wanting to "show our hand." This accomplishes little and creates a cold and uncomfortable atmosphere. But lavishing this person with "objective" praise shows you in the best and most confident light and makes her feel great! Again, you want to let her know that you think she's great but not that she is your whole world and that you can't live without her.

The fastest way is too lose leverage and to lose someone that you like is to do the opposite of the above. That means making yourself completely available, having no perspective, removing all doubt, and being uncomplimentary. Do this and you can be sure that you'll be back dating someone you don't like very much.
For this new knowledge to be useful you mist memorize it and practice it all the time.

[snuffy]

Can we have a straw poll on here as to the success rate of this overwhelming point of view on making people want to get back with you. How many on here have found the tactics to work?

Thanks,

[Wildcat21]

Me for one. And it was impossible. I hated it! But, it was so worth it.

BUT, the woman you want back has to be VERY special.

YOU HAVE TO CHANGE first. Not be needy or clingy.

[snuffy]

Are u still with this person? I trust that it must have been a remarkable situation for her to get back with you after finishing things?

[CroCivic91]

I'd just like to comment on this "complimenting" thing.

I've found out that little compliments given away in a very light tone and not given out often can really ignite the spark in the other person, making her feel good about herself (whatever you complimented her on). And I believe that making someone feel good cannot be bad for business.

Of course, compliments should not be given away expecting something in return... but given away when you really mean that, and want the other person to know you mean it. Also, being overly serious when giving away compliments can be creepy. I've found out that such things are always better shared with a smile and perhaps in a "teasing" way (I'm missing a word here), than with a serious face.

[Wildcat21]

"are u still with this person? i trust that it must have been a remarkable situation for her to get back with you after finishing things?"

Yes I am. BUT, 1 - realized I had to change. AND it took many months. No contact for 3 months(people blow this ALL the time). I went to the gym every day (still go). Learned more about woman. Dated other woman and discretly made sure her friends knew about it.

Also - remember some of the stuff she like about me when we first met.

The break wasn't on bad terms either and we had been together for 8 months.

I finally got back together with her and talked about A LOT of things. Just over coffee, then a glass of wine. I also ended these encounters a little bit early. NEVER on the phone for a long time - never. I wouldn't call her until she called me after these encounters. Was very busy a lot. Would see her for a couple weeks. You make her think about you.

It HAS to be a woman you care deeply about, a woman who you respect, A special woman. I woman you want to spend a lot of time with.

I don't recommend this to everyone.

[Wildcat21]

The best way to get her head over heels for you is to act like you can take it or leave it. You want to show interest in the girl, but not act like you're dependent upon her liking you back. If she senses that you need her to like you, she'll like you less right away... and it only continues to go downhill from there. The best way to play this thing is simply to proceed on the assumption that she DOES like you, until she actually turns you away in some act of rejection. And when THAT happens, you simply back off for a spell and DON'T show any signs of being fazed by it. Take somebody else out for awhile, and then after a little time has gone by call #1 girl up out of the blue and just act like nothing has ever happened. When she senses that you enjoy her company but are not DEPENDENT upon her attention or reciprocation of feelings, her feelings for you will begin to grow stronger. A girl's feelings can be up and down like the ocean waves. Don't gauge your approach on what whimsical emotion she may be feeling at some particular moment. Be steady.

[johnno]

When you said no contact for 3 months, did you call her or did she call you after that 3 months?

[Wildcat21]

She contacted me about 4 times during that stretch - which I did not return the call.

The way I got in touch with her initially was sent a simple e-mail.

Hey -----,

What's up with you? Wanted to make sure you were doing Ok.

Take care,

----


------------------------

That's it - nothing more. No Pressure. No MOTIVES. NO DATE. NO nothing. It took her 2 days return the e-mail. It MADE HER THINK AND WONDER.