[Delilah P]

I know a couple going through a divorce, but they did not file for a separation first. They are living together in the same home until the divorce is finalized. Wouldn't it make sense to file for separation first, or, would they not file because they didn't see themselves reconciling? He's seriously dating someone and making wedding plans WHILE waiting for his divorce to go through. :eek:

[shygrneyzs]

It could be a financial choice for them, to live in the same house while waiting for the divorce to be finalized. Honestly, whose business is it? Theirs.

[Delilah P]

Actually, the person he is dating while still living with his wife is my sister. She's been "a little" blindsighted, to say the least, and the family is worried. Family is always my business.. we're close. He's been that route before...

[shygrneyzs]

Did your sister know this smuck was married when she started seeing him? She must know now. Why does she stay? Does she think she will the one and only that will change him? A leopard does not change its spots.

Does your sister believe that this guy is really being honest with her? What does he say to her when and if she asks why he is still in the house with his wife?

[Delilah P]

Yes, she knew he was married but separated and going through a divorce. Since I am a sleuth, I found out that he had filed for divorce about a month and a half AFTER beginning to date her. The wife had filed for divorce a week earlier than the husband. I called the court and they told me the couple were NOT legally separated, but had filed for divorce. Without telling my sis that I called the court, I told her to look at the divorce papers (the initial filing) and she will see that "Separation" is NOT checked off. The guy tells sis AND me that he is separated. My point here is that he's not telling the truth. I did not tell him that I know otherwise.

You asked if my sister thinks he's being honest with her? Absolutely and without a doubt. That's why I said she was "blindsighted'. I suspect he has been seeing others along the years while married. Perhaps his wife said 'enough is enough". I don't know.

You thought perhaps the couple remained in the same house together was for financial reasons. No, both are financially well off. He's with my sister long hours everyday. I'm trying to justify this in my mind, like maybe the couple are just platonic friends now and living under the same roof while going through the divorce. But, I keep seeing "reg flags" and am not comfortable with some things.

[shygrneyzs]

Yes, there are red flags allllll over the place. Sadly, your sister does not see them. Also sadly, she will see them once she is married to this guy and he starts cheating on her. It is bound to happen, not saying anything negative about your sister. It would not be her fault or doing. This guy cannot remain faithful, no matter what.

Short of physically whisking your sister away and keeping her in hiding from this guy (which only seems to work in movies), there is not much you can really do. She has to find out but it will be difficult for her. She will be hurt. If you managed to get her to talk to this guy's wife, I highly doubt it would make a difference.

Good luck to you. I know this is a tough time for you and your family. You hate to see your sister step into this trouble.

[windu7]

Are you kidding me?

Ok. This guy is definitely walking a fine line here, no question. However, you don't know what is or has been going on behind the scene. And there is a reason for that. It is none of your business. What happened between this guy and 'soon to be' ex-wife, is their business alone. Maybe He feels uncomfortable mentioning that they are still living together. But that hardly makes the guy a 'cheater'. If you wanted to, I suppose you could make a lot of assumptions about the wife as well.
Maybe she cheated? Maybe she is already involved with someone else and they both agreed that it was fine to date during the divorce. Maybe, just maybe.. He's a good guy, who is exercising poor judgement.
A tiger doesn't change His stripes? Give me a break! If that was true. We should all give up right now. People don't change then. Forget psychology, counseling, sound advice, constructive criticism. Because, ultimately, once a person does something wrong... they will continue to do it. Tell that to every recovering alcoholic, drug addict, Abuser, Cheater... who have chosen to see those things as destructive and turn those areas of their lives around. Most often, people are not bad. Just misguided.

Give this guy a chance. Quit being a male busy-body. Your investigative work is simply leading to more presumption. Which, as the old saying goes, causes nothing but strife.

[Delilah P]

Thanks for your comments, windu7. Unfortunately, there is so much more to the story.. and too little space on this blog to list it all. When something/someone seems to be too good to be true, then usually it/they aren't, in reality. I was the 'gung-ho' person for my sis and this guy while other family members and their co-workers were not. Now after hearing more I can see there is more to him than meets the eye. But, as someone on this blog posted early on.. my sister is old enough to make her choice. She can't see beyond him and that's unfortunate. I can only pray that it will all turn out OK somehow. How she can justify some of his 'late coming' information is incredible... he gives his info in little doses. She would have never accepted this from anyone in the past. While I throw up my arms in disbelief, I will continue to keep my eyes open where he is concerned. Soon enough, something will probably come up and may make her open her eyes a bit wider. All I can do now is hope for the best.

[AliMarGoo]

I know a couple going through a divorce, but they did not file for a separation first. They are living together in the same home until the divorce is finalized. Wouldn't it make sense to file for separation first, or, would they not file because they didn't see themselves reconciling? He's seriously dating someone and making wedding plans WHILE waiting for his divorce to go through. :eek:

I've been divorced, and my ex and I didn't file for separation. We didn't feel like doing all of the paperwork. We just quit seeing each other. Most state laws (that I know of) tell you that you cannot be living together in order for a divorce to even be considered. Are they aware of this, or is it not the same in their state?

[workcherrie]

I know a couple going through a divorce, but they did not file for a separation first. They are living together in the same home until the divorce is finalized. Wouldn't it make sense to file for separation first, or, would they not file because they didn't see themselves reconciling? He's seriously dating someone and making wedding plans WHILE waiting for his divorce to go through. :eek:

Yeah I have been devorced twice and beleave me unless you want to drag it way out its better to just get it over with.

[Delilah P]

I've been divorced, and my ex and I didn't file for seperation. We didn't feel like doing all of the paperwork. We just quit seeing each other. As a matter of fact most state laws (that I know of) tell you that you cannot be living together in order for a divorce to even be considered. Are they aware of this, or is it not the same in their state?

Well, who knows what he/she told the court... for all I know, he may have given another address for himself. I had asked him why he's in the same home and he said he's in a separate bedroom. He only offers answers or info when asked. Of course, you have to know WHAT to ask in order to get an answer. And my sister seems too afraid to ask any questions in fear of 'rocking the boat'. Can you imagine? And this is who she is planning on marrying. <shaking my head> I find it beyond belief that he and his wife are still in the same home through the divorce when both of them are financially well-off... and while he and my sister are making wedding plans. :eek:

[AliMarGoo]

Yeah... that sounds crazy. I hope that your sister has a sudden realization of the situation and leaves. I'll say a prayer for her. All you can do is just be there for her... even when it fails, without the I told you so attitude. I wish you guys the best of luck in this!