[raven9911]

Hello my name is marisa and in about a month and a half is our one year anniversary I rushed into my marriage we dated for two weeks and then eloped he I suspect used me as an excuse to run away from his past as well as I did my first love was unstable but I truly loved him and he felt the same way in fact it took me two years to get over him and the first guy the supposed rebound guy became my husband now he's not a bad guy he's sweet and responsible he works hard and he doesn't cheat but he also fights with me constantly can't keep up with me sexually and shares none of my likes dislikes or interests. My ex fiancée on the other hand excepted and still dose except me for who I am and appreciates me for staying that way he's passionate and fun exciting and ballsy entertaining enjoyable loving romantic he fulfills me in every way so I chose between the two and now I can truly say I could live this way I could have the new car and the nice home and know my husband is combing home to me but will I be happy ? Hal my ex is a drug abuser as am I he's got a past history of being in and out of jail but when he's out I was happy blissful ! Chris my husband is on the other hand always going to be there but I look at him and resent him because he's not hal not any thing like hal I care for my husband but is that enough can I live the rest of my life lonely repressed and slightly content is financial stability more inportant than emotional wealth?:(

[talaniman]

First the only advice I can give is too seek couples counselling. If you think you would be better off with a drug abusing jail bird then I highly recommend professional help right now. Since you've been married a year then there is still hope, but please get help. Even thinking abut marriage after two weeks is a sign you both need professional help. Maybe this isn't what you want to hear but from your post, the best course of action as I see it.

[talaniman]

Are you the same poster as marisa franklin? If so why change your name?

[K_3]

My first question is, if your X still accepts you for you, are you seeing him or talking to him? It sounds like it.
Two weeks is no time to even know if you want to date a guy for a year, let alone live with him forever. I really don't think that is the issue here. I may be wrong but I sort of see something behind your post. Such as, you want to get back with your X. You want us to validate your decision in leaving your husband without telling us the true reason for leaving.
You were a user your X a user. Yes, the ride with a user is exciting all of the time, the emotions are so intense. Loving high, fighting intensly, making up in all intensity, then the jail time, the sorrow, the never going to do it again baby. Oh Yeah One big roller coaster ride. Yes, your husband now is very boring compared to that. As for the fights, what are they about? Does he start them? This is probably not what you want to hear. I
think you need to see what you are truly wanting out of life. If you love this man, seek counseling. If you are in love with your X, seek counseling and get your combat gear ready. If you want to be alone and find you, no dating anyone for a couple of years. Good for you and find a counselor to help you.

I have a step son that loves women like you. He is so wonderful when he is clean and I love him. I see what he has done to women that love him. It makes me cry and believe me, I talk to him about it, but he is helpless when he is on drugs.

[raven9911]

I honestly think your right about the validation chris (my husband is verry posessive he is unflexable refusing to give in on any thing even as simple as what to do where to go what clothes to weare I look at my husband and if I'm going to be totally honest I like him shure but about 75% of the time id rather sock him in the mouth for the stuff he says he's homophobic racist and I'm mexican ! He's sexist and claims women are the sexist ones he's a guy that sits on the couch playing video games with his every spare moment and then wines because he doesn't have any friends he verbally abuses me puts me down and then holds it over my head thst he makes more money than I do he expects me to change my personality the way I dress the way I talk the way I live and my beliefs so that he's comfterable and I might even be OK with that if he was willing to do that for me too but he's not hal on the other hand yes has had a bad history he's been a drug user for years had been in and out ever cince I met him but at least I was happy when he was out at least I looked forward to him comeing to bed and laying next to me with his arms around me and our legs wraped up togeather chris doesn't dersrve for me to have this resent meant towards him I know he can't help being the way he is he thinks the only thing he needs to do to keep me around is to make more money... and for a while I thought I could live without love but I don't think I can I'm falling deeper and deeper into this depression every day yes I've seen hal three times I ran across him and when I do its like those years never happened were both so comfterable togeather we haven't even talked about it but its something we both know I do love chris now I've grown attached to him I took two and a half years after hal to get over him to move on and my rebound guy was running away from his problems so we ran off and made a mistake we got married I'm so confused roof over my head or love stability or passion romance or longevity hal or chris... I guess what I'm asking is what would you do ?

[talaniman]

You make a good argument for getting out of this abusive relationship. You have serious issues though and would be better served by getting help as opposed to bringing more baggage to another unhealthy relationship.