[JudyKayTee]

If you are approaching this from a financial standpoint they you are not thinking about what really matters... his daughter.

Did he act like a father to her? does she call him Dad? If he is her legal father... and it is questionable that he is, he can discipline her.

Please, stop thinking of a child as a problem. Because ultimately this is your boyfriends fault. HE is the problem. And good luck, because HE is unlikely to change.

Remind me to change my signature line to "You can tell what's in a man's soul by the way he treats children." His or anyone else's that he's raised, a child he's allowed to call him Dad.

(Aren't there any worthwhile, single, eligible guys in the World? These "part time fathers" are posting all the time. I take that back. Their girlfriends are posting all the time. Where are the real men?)

[this8384]

Remind me to change my signature line to "You can tell what's in a man's soul by the way he treats children." His or anyone else's that he's raised, a child he's allowed to call him Dad.

(Aren't there any worthwhile, single, eligible guys in the World? These "part time fathers" are posting all the time. I take that back. Their girlfriends are posting all the time. Where are the real men?)

Right on. You can tell what this woman thinks by her own words:

i knew i should have left this to myself because everyone is thinking about this lil girl and not the real reason.

That's disgusting.

[Homegirl 50]

What is more important than that little girl?

Her motivation stuck out like a sore thumb and she is not even the man's wife yet. Can you imagine how she would treat this child?
She is wanting this man to be able to just this own this child. How cruel. I don't know what sickens me more, his attitude or her's.

[this8384]

What is more important than that little girl?

Her motivation stuck out like a sore thumb and she is not even the man's wife yet. Can you imagine how she would treat this child?
She is wanting this man to be able to just dis own this child. How cruel. I don't know what sickens me more, his attitude or her's.

Absolutely; did you also happen to catch her quote about how she "loves the 6-year-old" but doesn't like the 13-year-old? And then actually wonders what's wrong with the poor girl!!

[Homegirl 50]

Yeah, I caught that. Pitiful!
How a man can allow a woman to treat his child with such disregard is beyond me, but I guess they deserve each other.

[JudyKayTee]

Yeah, I caught that. Pitiful!
How a man can allow a woman to treat his child with such disregard is beyond me, but I guess they deserve each other.

And he'll treat his wife - if it ever goes that far - just like he treats his child.

[Str8stack71]

Although this seems to have turned into a bashing blog... I think glover should possibly just read what has been written and let it sink in... some people are not always very good at wording things and sometimes you just need to kind of read between the lines... I'm giving benefit of the doubt here because I'm hoping that everyone is misreading what has been written by this person. Maybe it wasn't quite intended as it was written. A lot of people come to these forums out of frustration and anger and confusion... and some people don't always use the best choice of words when they are upset about something...
I could be totally out there with this theory... or I could be hitting the nail on the head... you have to keep in mind that reading this stuff is often different from hearing it from the mouth if you are not an experienced writer.
Am I making any sense with any of this?. I, myself, am not really an experienced writer...

[Homegirl 50]

I hope that (for the benefit of this child) you are right.

[Str8stack71]

I hope that (for the benefit of this child) you are right.

I hope so also.

[JudyKayTee]

I think those of us who have posted collectively a total over 60,000 times have a pretty good handle on most questions. This one included. The title here says it all - “stuck with non-bio child.” That's followed up with “would you keep a child at your house who doesn't behave because she knows dad cannot discipline... I am all for the kids, hell” followed by “i love his 6 year old and treat him as my own”.

No one is bashing anyone. I think it's very unfair to accuse anyone (including, as I said, people who have posted over 60,000 times in total) of bashing when you've posted approximately 50 times and it's a question of posting opinions and advice, no right, no wrong answers. When you post and ask an opinion, that's what you get - opinions. Opinions from mothers and stepmothers, fathers and stepfathers, adopted children, parents of adopted children. The more OP protested, the deeper she dug her own grave, as far as I'm concerned. This site most definitely is not a blog, nor do I see this format as being a blog.

By means of explanation OP asked other people - specifically me - what I would do in her situation, specifically, engaged to a married man who put his name on a child's birth certificate (or something) and has now changed his mind because he doesn't want to be "stuck" with the child. And so I told her.

For the sake of the child, I hope you are right and this is all one big mistake and words like “stuck” and statements that OP loves one child are not another are simply a matter of an inability to express herself and not what's in her heart.

But I doubt it.

[stevetcg]

Judy, I know you generally look for the best in people, but sometimes people are just d-bags.

I would bet my salary that this is the case with the OP.

Spoken as a father who has a biological child, is trying to adopt a step child and has given a child up to adoption.

[tglover08]

although this seems to have turned into a bashing blog.... i think glover should possibly just read what has been written and let it sink in... some people are not always very good at wording things and sometimes you just need to kind of read between the lines.... im giving benefit of the doubt here because im hoping that everyone is misreading what has been written by this person. maybe it wasnt quite intended as it was written. alot of people come to these forums out of frustration and anger and confusion.... and some people dont always use the best choice of words when they are upset about something.....
i could be totally out there with this theory... or i could be hitting the nail on the head.... you have to keep in mind that reading this stuff is often different from hearing it from the mouth if you are not an experienced writer.
am i making any sense with any of this?... i, myself, am not really an experienced writer...

Thank you soooo Much I really was typin gout of frustration.. I treat her like she is my own but she has her mothers ways.. her dad has lupus and of course can't be stressed so I try to handle the bunt of it.. but I was telling the truth that she comes over and causes a ruckus and she said that she comes over because her mom forces her.. (and she thinks ts because she wants child support) now this came out of the girls mouth)! And that she perfers to stay at home because we don't go shopping and she is bored! Mind you I bought her a Wii that she begged for!! And the next day out of rage the chick broke it!! NOW I don't mind paying child support nor her coming over we were just concerned that since her bio father never gave up parental rights and now she is starting to see him and he finds out that another mans name is there how will that go... or will my fiancé be in trouble for singing not knowing the rights were not given up.. and please don't get me wrong he loves her and she still comes over despite her rages that causes him for flare up and go back into the hospital.. I wrote what I did because I was frustrated and rushing because I was at work.. and after seeing how bad this was taken I had to take time out to write the real story down... so we have a 13 yr old step daughter who (we don't want to throw away!! ) but I feel if she is HIS daughter he should be able to care for her and dicipline her when she is wrong... Think of it this way.. u are a dad and your babymomma wants you to pay for the kids but you have NO say so in their behavior at YOUR home!! Oh and also for those who had the audasity to criticize me for being engaged to him woow the divorce is final next month me and him have been friends while he fought to keep his marriage it wasn't his fault she wanted other men.. I was just the clean up woman.. and you have been also... they have gone there separate ways she is engaged and so are we he just needs his name back... so I am sorry if I confused you guys out of my rage!! GLOVER

[tglover08]

Remind me to change my signature line to "You can tell what's in a man's soul by the way he treats children." His or anyone else's that he's raised, a child he's allowed to call him Dad.

(Aren't there any worthwhile, single, eligible guys in the World? These "part time fathers" are posting all the time. I take that back. Their girlfriends are posting all the time. Where are the real men?)

Ugh taking way out of porportion.. please read last page

[tglover08]

Ugh takin way outta porportion..please read last page

Judy did u read my last post... please do

[tglover08]

Ugh takin way outta proportion..please read last page

Also I didn't say that you were wrong I knew that I would be subject to all opinions I just felt I wrote that after going at it with er momma and should have cooled off

[JudyKayTee]

[QUOTE=tglover08;1486878]I treat her like she is my own but she has her mothers ways.. her dad has lupus and of course can't be stressed so I try to handle the bunt of it..

And the next day out of rage the chick broke it!!

That causes him for flare up and go back into the hospital.. /QUOTE]


Let me try again - in one post you say you love the 6-year-old" but don't like the 13 year old. Now you love the 13 year old.

She's not "a chick." She's a child.

You aren't the one paying the child support - the father is. You keep putting yourself in this written scenario although you have absolutely no legal standing here.

As far as your engagement to the father - you asked me what I would do. I told you. I'm not going to change my opinion and you aren't going to change yours.

I know Lupus back and forth, upside down and straight up. I assume you're talking SLE and not Discoid. If stress is putting him back in the hospital he needs to see another Doctor, change his meds and/or hire an Attorney to end this situation. On the other hand have his Doctor submit a medical report that the stress of the situation with the child (not the stress of the divorce) is causing him health problems to this extent and use that as evidence when he tries to separate himself from the child.

You need an Attorney to look at the entire situation and give legal advice - only your fiancé and his wife (and the Court) know what he did or didn't sign, what the legal ramifications are, if he can legally change that, if it was fraud, if it was deliberate and calculated fraud. An Attorney needs to sort this out before someone is criminally charged.

[tglover08]

[QUOTE=JudyKayTee;1486903]

I treat her like she is my own but she has her mothers ways.. her dad has lupus and of course can't be stressed so i try to handle the bunt of it..

and the next day out of rage the chick broke it!!!!!

that causes him fo flare up and go back into the hospital.. /QUOTE]


Let me try again - in one post you say you love the 6-year-old" but don't like the 13 year old. Now you love the 13 year old.

She's not "a chick." She's a child.

You aren't the one paying the child support - the father is. You keep putting yourself in this written scenario although you have absolutely no legal standing here.

As far as your engagement to the father - you asked me what I would do. I told you. I'm not going to change my opinion and you aren't going to change yours.

I know Lupus back and forth, upside down and straight up. I assume you're talking SLE and not Discoid. If stress is putting him back in the hospital he needs to see another Doctor, change his meds and/or hire an Attorney to end this situation. On the other hand have his Doctor submit a medical report that the stress of the situation with the child (not the stress of the divorce) is causing him health problems to this extent and use that as evidence when he tries to separate himself from the child.

You need an Attorney to look at the entire situation and give legal advice - only your fiance and his wife (and the Court) know what he did or didn't sign, what the legal ramifications are, if he can legally change that, if it was fraud, if it was deliberate and calculated fraud. An Attorney needs to sort this out before someone is criminally charged.

Boy boy boy!! I swear you never know until you are in the shoes!! Yes it is her that is stressing him out.. when she is gone he is fine and continues to be.. nad yes I said chick I am from the south and that's how we use the term.. instead of nitpicking see the real problem that I am screaming.. not all the fluff.. the legal crap and yes I pay for them when they come over and when they get money every month.. like I said a few days ago I was confused and I saw that I dug my whol edeeper and deeper feeding into everbodys negativity... (stupid on my behalf) but honestly how do you handle caring for a child who doesn't even want to be there.. only when she can benefit... dude you have to know this little girl and her whole family hell her own grandmother told him to get out of that situation... what would you do... I love my family and will stand behind him in all decisions he makes but damn her mothers own mother is telling ghim to get out that situation and she is a very humble woman. Sorry if I am back and forth but I can speak with a clear mind... and when I say rage I don't mean she needs medical help I mean just doing it to do it... she is very sane... believe me.. she has been to therapy and they said she was fine.. she is just trying to benefit the best way she can... this is not your normal 13 yr old... and when I said I don't like her I mean her ways... we haven't disallowed her into our home she still comes over and I don't disown her but I don't like the feel of my home when she is there... please pt yourself in my shoes...

[tglover08]

I know Lupus back and forth, upside down and straight up. I assume you're talking SLE and not Discoid. If stress is putting him back in the hospital he needs to see another Doctor, change his meds and/or hire an Attorney to end this situation. On the other hand have his Doctor submit a medical report that the stress of the situation with the child (not the stress of the divorce) is causing him health problems to this extent and use that as evidence when he tries to separate himself from the child.

The attorney that we have said that it was both.. he has had us set up nanny cams and all of the craziness... and like I said to him and our attorney I feel she make act right after she knows that their relationship is final!! Or she may not... I will say that for the past year and a half me and her were like best friends until her real father came in the pic and that's where all hell broke loose.. now let me ask you this.. if her real dad is back and wants to spend time with her but don't want to pay.. how do you take that.. a guy hasn't been there none of her life comes and he is automatically called daddy... (mind you fiancé has been daddy) will you get out to preserve your feeling as he feels he has been slapped in the face? And also last week when it was her time to come over she sent her to FT. lauderdale to chill with him... so the more I type the more comes out.. I think its just a bunch of craziness that needs to be resolved quick... sorry for the frustation

[tglover08]

I suspect, that the mother just had him sign something that had no legal standing. Then just started having the child use his name. This could mean that he is not the legal father and has absolutely no rights or obligations towards this child.

Scott you hit it on the head!! WOOOOOOWWW.. but I will put this in my way.. I have a child don't know the dad so I name the child after my best friend!! (fishy but lets finish) then when I marry I get my child from my mother and try to make my family look perfect so I tell my new husband.. (who will do anything to make me happy) this story that my child father signed papers to give up parental rights and I wants her to feel like she belongs and has the sdame name as us.. so the birth cert is signed... now I don't want him anymore because he is sick and I have a new man... but I still need my ex's money so I'm going to place him on child support quickly.. because the guy who thinks he is her real father has come back into her life and I need someone paying child support... crazy situation.. but that how it went.. and yes she gave the little girl her best friends last name.. hell my mom gave me herz. Not her best friend

[Homegirl 50]

Her real father is back in the picture, this child is confused and acting out. Adults can sure make a mess.
There is a man she has called dad for the last six years, a divorce and real dad comes back in the picture like a knight, of course this child is going to act up. Plus she is a 13 year old.
This young lady needs somebody to tell these adults to stop screwing with her life.