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jasonf · Dec 3, 2007, 03:35 PM

I have been married to my wife for 1 year, we have been together for 13 years. We have had nothing but problems since we got married. She used to handle the money but she was not paying the bills on time, so I took over the bills. She was very childish with the debit card so I took it away and told her that she can only use cash. We have 3 children together, when things are good they are great. When they are bad they are really bad. When we go out together we always end up in a fight. I have been arrested 3 times for assault against her because of her behavior when she drinks she becomes someone else. She understands she has a drinking problem, but each time I have been arrested it was not my fault. She smokes cigarettes behind my back because she knows that I will not allow it. She sneaks to her moms house to visit, to elaborate her mom and I do not get along and her mom is not allowed at my home. My wife got a credit card behind my back and co-signed for her mom to get an apartment again behind my back. When I ask her why she does these things she feels she should not have to ask my permission that she is her own person. I feel differently she is my wife and she should ask my approval before she buys her mom food and things her mom could buy on her own if her mom had a job. I feel stuck because I have 3 kids with her and too many bills to leave. I don't know what to do from here. We have tried counseling and neither time it worked. And now I am due in court again on Dec. 19th right before Christmas, she has ruined Christmas for our family over nothing. Any ideas of what to do from here would be great.

bitawho · Dec 3, 2007, 03:42 PM

I do not know the whole story, but abuse and assault are not the answer. You have 3 kids who must hear or see this action and they will grow up the same way. You need to decide if you guys need a break and see how it will go. If your marriage is meant to be you will find each other again until then think of your children not yourselves. Don't waste any time.

talaniman · Dec 3, 2007, 03:43 PM

Wow, you certainly have your hands full. Sorry to say you must leave, despite the kids and finances. Her drinking and your controlling are big red flags that you both have issues you need to deal with on an individual basis and until you do I see no way you can help each other. Sorry but you both have work to do on yourselves. For the record getting your approval for anything she does is very controlling. Sorry but seek your own help. You cannot help her with her's at this point.

bitawho · Dec 3, 2007, 03:43 PM

Also nothing gives you the right to keep her from her family. Is she over 18? Then she should be able to smoke if she chooses.

NowWhat · Dec 3, 2007, 05:32 PM

As talaniman said, you BOTH seem to have issues.
She is not your child, she is your wife. You should be partners. She should not have to sneek and see her family. If you don't get along with her mom, fine, but don't attempt to cut her out of your wife's life. That is her mother. And she doesn't need your approval for doing things. If she has problems with managing money, then sure, take over the bills. Not everyone can manage the money. If she has spending issues, then sure, maybe having a debit card isn't wise. But, maybe she would not feel the need to sneak around if you weren't so controlling.
And if her drinking is a problem, then don't be around her when she is drinking. Remove yourself from that kind of situation.