[NervousOne]

Long story short.. been in a long distance relationship with a man for about 5 yrs. It has been serious for the past year, were have been exclusive and started talking about the future , kids, marriage etc. We are both divorced with kids. See each other one week out of the month and have a wonderful deep intimate relationship built on an incredibly strong friendship. I trust him with my life, and he the same .


We have made plans for me to move to where he lives in a few months. This is huge for me because I have two little girls and would be taking them with me . This is an incredible opportunity for me and the girls , financially especially , as I could triple my income by moving to the new state. I am feeling more and more nervous as the day approaches, and I am going to talk to him about the way I am feeling , but I wanted to get opinions first. What questions would you ask him , and want to be sure about before you moved , if it were you? Also , would you take this huge step , without a formal commitment... IE: without a ring? Do you think it makes a difference? I want to ask him WHY he thinks this relationship is going to last when all the others he dated for years , didn't last . What's different about me... and how can I know that he won't change his mind once I uproot my life. I think these are all valid concerns..


He swears that I am the love of his life, his other half, and that he needs me more than anything. He had a very hard time telling me these things because he is not one to say I love you until a LONG time has passed, he is not one of those guys.. so I know he is sincere.And I feel the same way about him. Im just afraid...

[NervousOne]

I wanted to add that I do NOT , and have never doubted him... its just that latley when I tell people that I am moving , their first response is " when are you getting married?" And I'm like " Ummmm... havent thought about it " and they look at me confused.. as if to say You re moving 1200 miles and you don't have a wedding date set?

[kctiger]

I am under the belief that you should live with someone before committing to marriage. You find out a lot about a person by living with them, so I don't think it is fair to set a wedding date, do all of that planning and such, without first finding out, on a long term basis, how you two react towards each other in living situation...

Just my opinion.

[HistorianChick]

I think that as a mother of two girls, you have to make this move if you feel that it is right for your FAMILY. You say that you triple your income; that would definitely help the family.

Do you have schools lined up? Are they good schools?

Your relationship definitely has to have a huge weight in this decision, but bottom line, you have to decide if this is the best thing for your family. Think as a Mom.

If it all checks out and you believe that your children will be bettered by making this move - and you'd have the proximity to the guy, that's a plus - then I'd say sure! Sounds great!

But, before you decide, figure out what it will do for your family unit.

[Romefalls19]

Sounds like you are improving the life for your family, not just yourself. As a mother you have to do what is in the best interest of the children first, the comes you. Sounds like you are doing just that!

Marriage should be decided after you move in together. A lot can change once moved in

[NervousOne]

I can't move my kids in with him... iM just not doing that... I DO agree that you should live together brfore marriage, BUT I did so with my Ex and divorced him 9 yrs later... so Im really not sure about that... Also if we were to move in together, we would have to buy a new house , to have room for the kids...

[NervousOne]

The schools are the some of the best in the nation.. I have checked, the move would benefit the kids greatly, but at the same time , taking them away from all their family? Scary...

[kctiger]

There are pros and cons to everything. You need to figure out if the pros outwiegh the cons, and go from there.

[NervousOne]

The pros definitley outweigh the cons if happily ever after is in the future, but I won't make such a drastic move for any other reason.Because I could move someplace closer and improve our life...

[talaniman]

NervousOne;1515446, I can't move my kids in with him... I'm just not doing that...

That's probably a very good decision as there will be a lot of stress involved, and frankly, your kids don't need that. I totally agree with this.

I DO agree that you should live together before marriage, BUT I did so with my Ex and divorced him 9 yrs later... so I'm really not sure about that...

That's fear talking, but maybe not a bad thing as its making you cautious and thoughtful.

Also if we were to move in together, we would have to buy a new house , to have room for the kids..

You can save that thought for the future after you and your partner, work together through very honest communications of your hopes and fears, to come up with a solution that you both can agree on. There is no hurry for that. Keep the best interest of your kids first and I think in time you will work the details out.

You sound like a great mom and a very level headed person, I just hope your partner is the same way.

[MarkwithaK]

You start asking him all these questions and expressing your doubts then he might discover that he to has doubts. In my opinion if you want it to work out then why have to define everything all at once. Let things happen at their own pace.