[crystalbivens]

I really need some advice on what to do, since you guys really seem to be very understanding, a couple of months ago I got pregnant with the IUD in well I lost that pregnancy not long after finding out, I have been taking birth control pills for a month now and I went to the doctor the other day for a yearly exam and found out that I'm PREGNANT again, I'm due February 15, 2008.
I have two kids already and after the surprise of becoming pregnant with an IUD then losing it I didn't think I would get pregnant again while on birth control, I'm not ready for another baby my oldest just turned six and my youngest is 20 months, and she's a hand full (still not sleeping through the night)
I feel so lost I feel like I don't want this baby which I know is a very harsh thing to say and I would have nevered considered getting rid of the baby before but now I feel so empty inside I have no happy feelings inside of me about this pregnancy and I hate myself for having these feelings.
Not to mention that I have started having panic attacks after my daughter was born so that adds to the pressure.
I could really use some advice.

[J_9]

Oh, girl I am so sorry you are feeling this way, but just know that these are your hormones speaking. It is your hormones making you feel this way right now.

Yeah, times might be rough, and you may not be ready, but everything in life happens for a reason.

Your youngest should be sleeping through the night. There is something else going on here with her. I am sure that once we get this sleeping problem worked out and you get some proper sleep you will be feeling better.

Can you describe her bedtime routine? Does she have her own room? What do you do when she does wake up at night?

[crystalbivens]

Thanks for repling back I can't seem to stop crying I stayed up all night and prayed about these feelings and this morning I called my doctor to discuss the RU 486 pill she mentioned to me but I couldn't set the appointment up, I hate myself for the thoughts that I have but I can't help it, my heart feels so heavy and full of pain.
My daughter sleeps with my husband and I and wakes up about three times a night for her sippy cup or pacifer we are trying to break her from the pacifer but she's sooooo strong willed that its hard.
I hate to say but the way she acts at night and during the day is what makes me not want to do this again.

[J_9]

I can understand your frustrations. Now, it is most likely too late for the RU 486, I am not sure as I am 650 miles from my texts right now.

So, she sleeps with you. That is a problem in and of itself. This needs to STOP. You say that she is strong willed, but remember that you are the mother your husband is the father. What you say goes. PERIOD.

Now, remember that I am also a mother. I am a mother of 4. My children's ages are 21, 19, 13 and 5 (I just wanted to give you some background). So I am speaking from experience.

Let's not worry about the pacifier right now. Let's work on getting her into her own room first. We have to go one step at a time.

[crystalbivens]

I know I really need to get her in her bed and I will start trying here very soon.
My doctor told me that for the ru 486 I have until I am seven weeks and I believe I am only four weeks (LMP may 9, 2007)
My husband wants me to continue with the pregancy and I somewhat agreed but I'm having second thoughts, I just feel nothing inside and with my first two I was so excited.

[Myth]

Crystal, I think it's your signature that got my attention. Have you read it in awhile? You said "I will start trying here very soon." Your putting off the inevitable. You can't just try you really need to do. You know your feeling worn down because you aren't getting any sleep. Only you can put a stop to this and only you can do it for your own sake. I mean all this in the nicest way possible hun. Trying just won't cut it.

[J_9]

This is normal considering what you are going through with your daughter. So, take a deep breath in through your nose, then slowly out through your mouth and repeat "this too shall pass."

You say you will start getting your gal in her own bed very soon. How soon? Make a plan, mark it on the calendar and do it. Yesterday would not be too soon. Understand that the more you put it off, the easier it gets to make excuses, then it will never get done. Remember I speak from experience.

Let's work on tomorrow to get her in her bed. Yeah, it will be tough, it will be rough, but there will be a light at the end of the tunnel and it won't be a train. LOL

I was not aware that the RU worked that far into pregnancy. Let's just look at that for a minute. Remember when you were pregnant last time and you lost the baby? I think you were here then too weren't you? Remember the feeling of losing the baby by no fault of your own. Are you prepared to deal with the feelings of losing this one at your own hand? Nah, I know your not. Hun, I venture to guess that you are hormonal right now, probably tired and in desperate need of some sleep.

Let's work on tomorrow. When your gal gets up start preparing her for a night in her own bed. Does she take naps there? Talk to her about it. About an hour to an hour and a half before bed time give her a bath, no TV, relaxing activities... Read books to her... let her know that she is a "big girl" and that big girls sleep in their own beds. Tuck her in with a hug and a kiss, but be firm. She has to stay in her bed. If she cries go in and soothe her, BUT, big but here, don't look her in the eyes. Put her back in bed and walk out. It will be hard the first 3 maybe 4 nights, but you will eventually get your own bed, back with your husband, you will get your rest. And, guess what...
You will feel BETTER.

I promise. I have been there done that. Just got over it with my 5 year old recently. You don't want her in your bed when she is 5 do you?

[crystalbivens]

I understand that she needs to be in her bed but my main problem now is trying to figure out why I don't want to continue ths pregnancy and why I have such strong feelings about not wanting this baby.
One of the main reasons she's not in her bed is because her brother sleeps in it because her room is next to ours and his is on the other end of the house and he gets scared, she has a toddler bed so what do I do when she gets up and comes bak to our bed?

[Myth]

Put her back in her own. That's it you're the mommy. What you say goes.

[crystalbivens]

OK I will start tomorrow I know it needs to be done,

[J_9]

When she gets up and comes in your bed you take her back.

Now, the feeling you have, I am sure, will resolve themselves when you begin to get the proper rest you need.

[crystalbivens]

I hope your right God I pray your right because these feelings make me hate myself, I wish my heart would stop having that havy feeling. My husband said to me this morning after I told him my intentions to call the doctor and schedule the appt. that "if it isnt ment to be then let God take the baby, not to take it myself" I want to make him happy but I want him to understand the feelings I'm having he doesn't understand why I don't want it.
And honestly this is something I would NEVER had even thought about but I can't make the thought go away or the feelings, mabey its just my hormones, but it scares me to be this way I feel like I don't have control of my body or my thoughts.

[J_9]

I felt very much the same way 6 years ago. I'll tell you that not only did the feelings go away, but if I had ever acted on those feelings I could not live with myself today.

Now, you may want to talk to your doc about some antidepressants. There are a few that you are able to take during pregnancy with no adverse effects on the baby. I'll tell you, Celexa sure did help me work through those feelings. I love my little man now. I can't imagine life without him.

[parthavi]

I really need some advice on what to do, since you guys really seem to be very understanding, a couple of months ago i got pregnant with the IUD in well i lost that pregnancy not long after finding out, i have been taking birth control pills for a month now and i went to the doctor the other day for a yearly exam and found out that i'm PREGNANT again, i'm due Febuary 15, 2008.
I have two kids already and after the suprise of becoming pregant with an IUD then losing it i didnt think i would get pregnant again while on birth control, i'm not ready for another baby my oldest just turned six and my youngest is 20 months, and shes a hand full (still not sleeping through the night)
I feel so lost i feel like i dont want this baby which i know is a very harsh thing to say and i would have nevered considered getting rid of the baby before but now i feel so empty inside i have no happy feelings inside of me about this pregnancy and i hate myself for having these feelings.
Not to mention that i ahve started having panic attacks after my daughter was born so that adds to the pressure.
I could really use some advice.

First u have to make up yr mind about having the baby or not. If it is too late, decide to have it. If u believe in god, think of it as God's gift. It is quite possible this third child may turn out to be the one who would make u happy when it grows up. Before u go to sleep, imagine yrself being inside yr mother. Think how much love yr mother would have shown you. Then think of yr felings when u became pregnant for the first time. Then touch yr abdomen and tell the baby, I love you with my whole heart. Follow this for two weeks. Then see how differently u feel.

Well wisher

[intherapy]

I think we are all missing the point here.

Your question is, after all, should you keep this baby. This is always a touchy one. I feel for you hun.

Your husband's opinion matters greatly, but then you have to weigh in how much he is willing to contribute, what he does contribute to your family, and whether he thinks he is being selfish for wanting something you may not. Ask him these things. You are the nurturer after all and ultimately your role as a mother to this baby is most important (not downgrading the dads here, okay), therefore this decision remains yours. And it has been used lightly in the past, but your body is your own, therefore under your control.

Sweetheart only you can answer this question. Look at your life, look at your loved ones and ask yourself questions. For instance, can I live with myself if I abort this life? That of course is the most important thing. I don't think that you would be on here if you weren't concerned about the guilt you would feel. You would've done it already. That is why I think you would regret it for the rest of your life.

You are so overwhelmed. Breath, love. Modify your daughter's behavior's, but like other's have said, one thing at a time. She will learn, don't let society's idea of when things are supposed to happen developmentally for a child tell you what to do. Sometimes life just throws a wrench in, it all depends how we use it. Right now things are tough, but they will get better, for you, for your family.

Now, most importantly, tell your husband that you need him now more than ever. That is one of the pacts between husband and wife, that they are there when you just feel done, to pick you up, cradle you for a while. If he wants this baby, then he must show you that you both, together, can do it. You need him now. Tell him how much.

I really hope this helped. Take care.

[crystalbivens]

Thanks for all of your thoughts, just wanted to give an update.
I am 11 weeks pregnant and everything seems to look good except for a few bumps that went away.
I decided to take it one day at a time because that's all I could do, well time works wonders and really does heal all wounds.
I'm feeling a lot better while we tried putting my daughter in her own bed for several nights she kept coming back, however some how it helped her get out of the routine of wanting the pacifer and her sippy cup at all hours.
She now sleeps through the night even if it is in our bed just getting a full nights sleep makes me know that I can do it.
Also another thing I have noticed that if you remember I mentioned the panic attacks those have stopped to, I believe they went away because I expelled the IUD with my first miscarriage I thought back to when I started having the panic attacks and it was around the time I had the IUD put in then after it was out of my body they just went away which has made my life soooooooooo much better.
It was hard having a toddler not sleeping thrrough the night and then having attacks where I felt I couldn't breath and even having depression.
But I do want to truly thank you all for your concerns it's nice to know that people really do care.
Oh and also after thinking more about my education I decided to change my degree from LPN to RN which gives me another great thing to be able to concerate on.

[jrb252000]

I would suggest leave a night light on or try to stay with her until she falls asleep and then walk away. I used to leave my sons door open so he could hear the outside noise in the living room. I also let him have one toy in the bed with him... that I would take out after he went to sleep.
To address your other issue have a deep heart to heart with your husband and see if there is a solution.

[crystalbivens]

My husband and I have discussed the issue and we both know that any child is a blessing from God and this child is also.
I have a wonderful marriage and couldn't ask for a better husband he is truly my rock and will always be there for me and our family.
He owns his own business and with me going to school we don't get as much quality time together as I would like, but he's a great father and helps me out when he's home.
If only everyone could be so lucky.

[buggage]

I am so glad you are feeling better. I can tell you, that I really do think most of it is from lack of sleep. My first son wasn't sleeping through the night at all. He would wake up multiple times anight, and I would end up sleeping by his bed all night long, while I was preggy with my second son. I got so terrified and depressed because I thought " how am I going to do with with a new born! how can I possibly keep going like this" I loved my first son, and my unborn son, but I was terrified about whether I could really handle things. I talked to my hubby about these things, and we decided it was time to make some changes. He started waking up in the night with our son, on the weekends he would wake up with him and let me sleep in. It was an immediate difference, just the fact that I got some sleep, It made a huge difference in how I felt. We started to put our foot down when it came to his bedtime. We got him into a routine of the things he would do before going to bed, then get him in bed, put a soft classical music cd on for him, turned on his night light, and would stay by his bed till he fell asleep, (but wouldn't acknowledge him if he wanted to talk or play around. Would tell him it was time for bed, then pretend to sleep) If he woke in the middle of the night, we would have a drink by his bed, he would wake, we'd give him a drink, kiss his forehead and tell him to go back to sleep, and leave. If he called out to us we would reassure him we were still there, but it was bed time, and not play time. Finally he was sleeping through the night by the time our second son was born, but he was still wanting us to stay by his bed till he fell asleep. One day when it was nap time I decided to try something. I put him in bed, told him to go to sleep, and I would be right outside his door, doing things that needed to get done. I wasn't in the room with him, and was not focusing my attention on him, but he could still see me. I was shocked that after a few casual reasurances while I continued what I was doing in the other room, he fell right to sleep. I tried it again that night, same thing. Within a few days, I no longer had to be in view for him to go to sleep. Now, we just put him in his room, set everything up for him, and he goes right to sleep, and sleeps through the night. It's a miracle HAHA. Really, it was me not putting my foot down earlier. With each child, you have to find different technics as one thing won't work for all of them.as parents we just have to muck through different strategies until we find something that works.another suggestion, what if you try putting her bed in your room, right next to your bed. Have her sleep in that bed, but you will be right there. Slowly every night you move it farther away. Then you can throw her a big party, saying that she is moving into the big girl room. Have several close guests over, and let her take each of them to her room to show it off. She can also help decide how to decorate the room(favorite cartoon characters, princess room, etc) perhaps that will give her some enthusiasm for sleeping in her own room. When you have your next baby, (esp if you will be putting new baby in bed with you too. Its more dangerous to have a baby sleeping with you, if you already have a toddler in bed with you too. Not to mention crowded. ) Just take it slow, but remember that you are the boss. Kids will try to control the situation if you allow them, But mainly they want direction. They may not act like it, but they do crave it. You'll be so relieved in the end when it finally works out. Good luck to you hun. (as a mommy of a toddler that didn't sleep through the night until he was 2 1/2, I understand. Just do what you can, and in the end that is all you can do. And chances are it will turn out better then you think.;0)