[Bake988]

My boyfriend and I started dating about 4 months ago. Our relationship has been pretty good. We had this instant connection that neither one of us has ever felt with anybody else. I love him so much with my whole heart but I really messed up. We have not been in many fights but the ones we have had are always over him not trusting me. For example He accused me of having something going on with his roommate when there was nothing going on at all. He said it was just the way we acted around each other. We also fought about and almost broke up over a guy I was with before I ever even met him. We fought about me going out with my friends because he is scared I am going to cheat on him that I am going to talk to guys. I haven't ever given him a reason to not trust me I have been completely loyal to him but he is so insecure because he has had his heartbroken from previous girlfriends who have cheated on him. Recently my EX boyfriend from like 5 years ago started trying to contact me again. My ex boyfriend was a guy I dated for like four years and had a really bad drug problem so we broke up. About two years ago when I was living at home with my parents, he tried to start contacting me again then. I told him to leave me alone and I changed his name in my phone to a different name because I knew if my parents saw it they would be so upset and worry like crazy about me. My parents knew his number because he used to work for my dad so I just changed the name and ignored him. Eventually he got the picture and left me alone. I haven't heard from him in forever and he found out about my new boyfriend and started trying to contact me again. Well I forgot about the whole name change thing because I haven't heard from him until recently. In order to avoid this affecting my current relationship I decided to avoid the situation all together and just ignore him again. I didn't want to tell my boyfriend about it because he is already so insecure and I didn't want us to start fighting about this and I didn't want to lose him over it. I don't have any feelings at all for my ex boyfriend we have been over for about 5 years now. I didn't want my boyfriend to think he had anything to worry about. Anyway long story short my ex boyfriend call me one night when I was with my current boyfriend and I was honest with him when he asked me who it was and told him it was my ex. He asked to see my phone and he saw that he was under a different name. At first he blew up told me to take him home. He called my ex boyfriend and cussed him out. He accused me of cheating on him this whole time. He wouldn't even hear me out and let me explain anything. Now he wants to break up with me. He thinks I have been cheating on him all along. He wouldn't even let me explain he didn't want to hear anything I had to say. I sent him several text explaining why he was in under a different name and how he had made it hard for me to talk to him about it because of the previous fights we had been in before that were about him not trusting me. We got together this past weekend he and I talked a little bit he said he missed me a lot and didn't really want to talk about everything. He told me that his friends were all telling him he shouldn't get back with me but they didn't know me like he did. We went to the movies together, he spent the night with me and almost the whole next day. We got along great but then on Sunday night he started back on that he was still hurting, and that this was really hard for him. He told me today that he loves me but this is going to take a lot longer than he thought. I don't know what to do or think about everything. I know that I love him with all my heart and I don't want to lose him but I am afraid I am going to lose him.

[sdamon10]

Hey, I know exactly what you are going through. I was with this guy for 3 years. The first few months we were together everything was great... we fell head over hills for each other. Well, that didn't last long at all. He showed me he was a very jelous guy. He thought about my exs more than I did. We had out good days, but we had our bad. It seemed like I had to begg for him back every weekend. At the time in my mind this was the man I wanted to be with forever. The thought of losing him hurt unimaginably. I would hyperventalate and cry for weeks. I was always accused of cheating(come to find out he was the cheating one), but "he loved me and couldnt leave me" so "he gave me another chance" This got worse over 3 years. He told me his jelousy would just take some time... no it only got worse. Anyway.. I hope this doesn't upst you, but if I were you I would end it. It will hurt, you will cry, but you will get over it and you will find someone better. When my ex and I broke up I cried for months and I lost so much weight... I couldn't eat or sleep it sucked, but time heals.. Now I've been married for 6months with a baby on the way(to a new guy lol that's I've known for 4 yrs) he has never once gone through my phone, accused me of cheating, gotten jelous or made me feel bad for seeing others who came before him. Your boyfriend sound just like my ex. Its your choice if you stay with him. If you do I hope it gets better, but if you don't then I promise it will get better. It may not seem like it at first. Broken hearts always seem to be the worse.. What kept me going was knowing that woman do it all the time and if it was meant to be then it would it happen... love doesn't hurt. Its suppost to be fun and exciting. I love my husband... we never fight.. we always laugh and act crazy together! Good luck to you and I hope I haven't made it worse for you!

[Homegirl 50]

This guy has a problem and it will be your problem as long as you are with him and it will only get worse.
End this. It will hurt for a while but in the long run you will feel better without all of the drama

[Bake988]

Thank you for sharing your experience with me. You didn't make it worse for me. Actually you gave me a lot to think about. I have been thinking about this whole situation a lot lately and I am just not sure really what to do because my feelings for my boyfriend are so strong. I love him so much. I can't help it. I feel like I know in my heart what I should do but actually doing it well its easier said than done. My boyfriend and I are still together as of right now. He is so upset with me that he is trying to drink our problems away. When he drinks it makes our problem worse because he gets upset about it all over again and then we are right back to fighting. Another problem we had is that he told all of his friends however they do not know the full story. They just know his side and they know the side he told them without me really getting a chance to explain everything. So needless to say they are not telling him we should be together. This past weekend we were together and it was great Sunday he got around his friends started drinking and we fought. By Wednesday he was missing me again and he told me he wanted to work through this with me. So I was like OK I will try this. Wednesday was great with him. He took me to dinner we had a great time. Then we decided to see each other again last night and I could tell he wasn't all there with me. Because I am so scared of losing him I kept asking him if he was OK if he was mad at me. I think this just got on his nerves. We ended up out to eat talking about everything and just fighting again. He thinks I feel like he should just get over this whole thing and act like it didn't happen and move on. That is not what I was saying at all. I don't really know how to pick up the pieces honestly but I do want to try to work through this with him. I know it will not be the same for a while and I am willing to give it time. It was just hard for me last night because I remembered how we use to be and it just felt different. I felt like he wasn't happy. I told him Wednesday that if he wanted to work on this with me I was more than willing to but this one min we are great and the next minute I feel like I am losing him all over again emotionally I couldn't take it. So he promised me we wouldn't fight like that again and that we would work through it but I don't know I just felt like after last night I just got on his nerves I don't know what to do. I hate the way I feel right now and I have never dealt with anything like this in my whole life. I never felt this way for anyone before.

[Homegirl 50]

This relationship is dysfunctional
Do you want to go through drama like this all of the time? That is what you will have if you stay. He will have you feeling guilty because he cannot control his unreasonable jealousy, plus the drinking is not a good thing.
You need to walk away from this.