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dark angel · Mar 27, 2007, 03:44 PM

I have been in a relationship for 9 years and I'm between minds of if to go or stay.my boyfriend had a kid four years ago with another women and now four years later he has done it again.should I get out of this relationship or should I try to make it work.we live together now and we have a son that is four years old who will be afected by either decision. I really love my partner but he puts my life at risk when he goes out there and sleeps with these women who also have more than one partner.can you helpme make a choice.:confused:

Lowtax4eva · Mar 27, 2007, 03:57 PM

There is a choice to be made in this case? He cheated on you at least twice that you know of and both times he fathered a child with someone else? Not to mention how many women has he slept with that didn't get pregnant.

Do you really want him as a role model for your son? I don't see a choice in the above, leave him for sure.

shygrneyzs · Mar 27, 2007, 04:04 PM

His behavior has put you at risk for any sexually transmitted disease. Have you thought of that? Aside from that, his cheating has shown you that he is not to be trusted. He has proven to you that once a cheat, there is the repeat cheat. He now has three children - that you know of.

Staying with him for the sake of your four year is so not the right idea. Children pick up on more than you can imagine and then they start internalizing the situation, feeling they are to blame, feeling guilty, being under stress, their emotional and physical health suffers and the list can go on. Yes, you son will be affected by leaving this guy - but leaving now, while he is young - you can work that to minimize any danages. If you feel he needs some professional help, then by all means, seek that for him. Seek that for you also. Counseling is never a bad idea. If for no other reason, to clarify issues and keep on target.

You don't owe this guy anything from what I can see. Your responsibilities are to your son and to your own self. Good luck to you.

Bluerose · Mar 27, 2007, 06:06 PM

"should i leave my partner"

If you feel the need to ask this question - you have already left. You may forgive but you will never get the trust back.

grammadidi · Mar 27, 2007, 06:17 PM

Are you just looking for validation? Of course you should end this relationship. Your son is not a reason to stay, because all he will learn from this kind of thing is that women are not to be respected, especially his mother, and he will become the same kind of man as his father because he will believe it's acceptable behaviour. After all, if his mom lets it continue, then it must be!

In my opinion there are two major reasons to end a marriage/relationship. Those are if you have a partner who abuses or a partner who cheats - and I consider cheating abuse. If you feel there is something to salvage and he wants to salvage it as well, then you need to do it apart until he proves himself.

Come on... you really know the answer to your question. You should be figuring out how to go about the transition in the easiest way for you and your son.

Hugs, Didi

talaniman · Mar 27, 2007, 08:05 PM

should I leave my partner

What partner? Do you see a partner? I don't see no partner!!!

ggmagoo · Mar 28, 2007, 11:07 AM

I hope this brings some perspective in your life. I knew a girl once who was raising her little sister. I didn’t think much of at the time, but one day I decided to ask her about her parents and why she was raising her little sister. She told me that her father frequently cheated on her mother. Well one day his infidelity caught up with him. He contracted AIDS and passed to her mother. They both died of AIDS and she was left to raise her sister alone. You've lucky he has only gotten them pregnant. What if the next time he brings home something that will kill you. Every time you think about staying with this man, imagine your child living a life with out you, just because you decided not to walk away from this toxic relationship. Be an example for your child. Kids are blind or stupid.

saraispiel19 · Mar 28, 2007, 11:14 AM

Girl, he is α dog! Yeα he's your kid's dαd but so's he with 2 others.. do you see those women supporting his αss? Um no! Get out-- becαuse he'll do it αgαin αnd αgαin, plus I'm pretty sure you don't wαnt your son to see thαt sort of exαmple his dαd is setting up (where he cαn drop you like some old rαg.. αnd come bαck when he pleαses)

I think your just looking for someone to sαy whαt you αlreαdy decided.. to leαve.

Obviously this guy hαs no respect for you αnd knows thαt he cαn come αnd go--you don't need drαmα in your life especiαlly α jerk-off like him..

Rockabilly1955mama · Mar 28, 2007, 11:19 AM

Honey, leave that fool! He cheated and you can do much better. It may take some time to get over him. But it's better to cry because you're sad than to cry because your hurt. Well... they're both bad(haha) but knowing that he did this once, he can do it again. There are plenty of fish in the sea my dear.

alizeblu · Mar 28, 2007, 11:34 AM

Well either way, your son might be affected negativley, stay or not.

But you really don't have to stay with the guy if you feel your life is in jepordy.

Just make sure you explain to your son what's going on. That's a mistake a lot of parents make. I remember when I was a kid, when my parents weren't getting along and were getting separated I thought it was my fault. Why? Natural reaction. But I was a kid.

They never explained to me the real situation, and why "daddy really left".

You know what I'm saying?

But this is also a tender moment so tred lightly, you don't want your son growing up disrespecting you, or hating his father for the rest of his life.

texxxas · Mar 29, 2007, 12:54 PM

Are you freaking out of your mind?? You need to leave him, he's not only unfaithful to you but he's disrespecting you and his son by not being loyal. Sweety, 9 years doesn't mean a damn thing if he isn't being good to you, take your son and leave, there are plenty of guys that would set a better example for him and as for you, you deserve to be treated with honesty and respect. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASEEEE pack you bag and leave him ASAP, totally not worth your time or your son's. What a $hitty father and "boyfriend"

i12bmenhappy · Mar 29, 2007, 01:03 PM

He obviously does not respect you, do you want your son to grow up thinking disrespect towards women is okay? If the thought has even crossed your mind to leave him you are already halfway out the door... Just take that other step.

alizeblu · Apr 2, 2007, 12:33 PM

In the end, its ultimatley YOUR decision,

Ask yourself, is this a situation I really want to be in?

Then answer yourself.

talaniman · Apr 2, 2007, 01:58 PM

I think you will be happier without him.

dreamgurl068 · Apr 13, 2007, 06:23 AM

Originally Posted by dark angel

I have been in a relationship for 9 years and i,m between minds of if to go or stay.my boyfriend had a kid four years ago with another women and now four years later he has done it again.should i get out of this relationship or should i try to make it work.we live together now and we have a son that is four years old who will be afected by either decision. I really love my partner but he puts my life at risk when he goes out there and sleeps with these women who also have more than one partner.can you helpme make a choice.:confused:

Are you crazy for staying in a relationship like that just because you love him love may not be enough you need to break all that off because he cheated once he will do it again and again until you do something about it because in his mind he thinks you won't leave him for doing that be you need to prove him wrong.