[FoozGrind]

So I work with my fiancé and for the last 4 1/2 years everything was great we were suppose to be married in feb 09. Well everything was setup. All the deposits were placed and dress was purchased etc... well in January she told me she wanted to postpone the wedding. I told her that's fine I don't want to rush you. So we postponed it... than a week later she gave me the ring back and said she couldn't deal with the stress and she went to her moms for 2 days. She came back and we tried to work on it for a little bit. 3 weeks later in January she left again for a week. She was confused and needed time to think. I told her to get her back to her home because that's where she belongs and she can do her thinking while she is wearing the ring. So she came back and than on march 28th we both decided to take a month break and while she was gone we would still remain together but she just needed space because part of her wants to be with me yet part of her doesn't want to be in any relatioship. A week later I told her to come over and we decided to break up because I couldn't be with someone while they needed a to think about us... I am heart broken that I was prepared to spend the rest of my life with this women and she doesn't know what she wants. Here is my problem. I still work with her and I make a good living so I am not losing my job over it but we signed a year lease in novemeber and there is 6 months left on the lease. She decided to leave and go to her moms when we have 2 bedrooms in this place. She said she will continue to pay half her rent until the lease is up but I feel weird taking the money even though I need it. I won't roommate with anyone so when the lease is up I am getting my own 1 bedroom. But I just don't know what to make of it. Its only been almost 3 1/2 weeks but it still hurts and I signed up on a dating website to see if I can start meeting women to get my mind off things. I got my ring back the day she left and she has taken almost all her stuff out of the apartment but not everything because it is still technically her place to live but she has even had her mail being sent to her moms which is only 25 minutes from our house. What should I expect? My mom tried to get me on anti-depressent and I was thinking to myself do I need that for isn't it normal to feel hurt and angry? I mean 6 months from now if I can't get over her then maybe a problem but please... So any advice ?

[I wish]

Wow. That's really painful. I can't even imagine what you are going through. I'm really sorry to hear about all this.

Try to think about it this way. The two of you gave it your best shot. It's not like you didn't try. At least you broke up before getting married, so you won't have to go through a divorce.

I'm not sure if meeting other woman will help you too much because they will all be rebounds.

Try to read the stickies in this forum. You just need to give yourself much more time. 3 1/2 weeks is nothing actually. Just be patient with yourself. Keep yourself busy.

[FoozGrind]

Yea but is it wrong of me to feel strange about taking rent money from her when she isn't living there? I mean she did sign the lease and I never told her to move out it was her choice...

[I wish]

yea but is it wrong of me to feel strange about taking rent money from her when she isnt living there? I mean she did sign the lease and i never told her to move out it was her choice......

Tthink about it, if you had a regular roommate, you would expect them to pay rent. It's only because you have feelings for this girl that you feel guilty.

Since you guys have broken up, I think you should just treat her like you would anyone else. Like you said, it was her choice to move out, so she is responsible for her share.

[FoozGrind]

Gotcha. Kind of sucks though because for the next 6 months she is going to have to live at home with her mom at 28 years old... The pain hurts and even with the fact that as I am writing this she is in the office next to me. But I need to just face the fact that she isn't coming back and she wasn't ready to commit and got scared off or something... I haven't spoken to her since Tuesday but we went for lunch and had sex which I don't want to go again because it makes it worse. Thanks for the info.

[I wish]

gotcha. Kind of sucks though because for the next 6 months she is going to have to live at home with her mom at 28 years old.... The pain hurts and even with the fact that as i am writing this she is in the office next to me. But i need to just face the fact that she isnt coming back and she wasnt ready to commit and got scared off or something.... I havent spoken to her since tuesday but we went for lunch and had sex which i dont want to go again because it makes it worse. Thanks for the info.

Other people might put this in harsher words, but if you want to start healing, you got to avoid having sex. You got to avoid her all together. Since you work together, just be polite when you talk and tell her that you are busy if she wants to have a longer conversation.

Just keep in mind that if you do things with her that gives you false hope, then all the progress you make during your healing process gets restarted. For example, I know you said that it's been 3 1/2 weeks. But once you do something to give yourself hope again (ex: sex, talking about not giving up with her), it resets to 0.

Just focus on yourself. Spend this time healing to make yourself a better person.

[FoozGrind]

I know exactly how what you mean. Every time I talk to her or do the sex thing it resets to 0. funny thing is my mom wants me on anti-depressents... I was like please give me a break isn't it normal to feel this way after a breakup? Its not like I am sitting in the apartment crying I am going mountain biking... jogging... trying to get out as much as possible.

[I wish]

I know exactly how what you mean. Everytime i talk to her or do the sex thing it resets to 0. funny thing is my mom wants me on anti-depressents.... i was like please give me a break isnt it normal to feel this way after a breakup?? Its not like i am sitting in the apartment crying i am going mountain biking... jogging.... trying to get out as much as possible.

Yea, sounds like you're doing well. Sometimes people accuse you or suggest you to do things, when they are the ones who actually need it. Is it possible that your mom is the one who is depressed?

How do you act around her? In my experience, I tend to trust what our moms say. They usually know us pretty well, sometimes even better than we know ourselves. Are you all sad and moppy around her? You just got to let her know that you were sad at first and now you're doing better. You only need anti-depressents when your condition keeps getting worse and worse with no end in sight.

[FoozGrind]

Well I had stupidly mentioned I wish I could make the pain go away by doing... something bad.. and that freaked her out even though I won't do anything. And I am not the type of person who general acts like they care so I been kind of depressed around her but its only because I never got an answer from my ex as to why she left just she is confused... so in my mind I think my mom jumped the gun and said go get checked out... But honestly I think I can handle it myself. This was my first true love and I had no idea this was going to happen. Actually nobody did except my ex I suppose.

[I wish]

Well i had stupidly mentioned i wish i could make the pain go away by doing....... something bad.. and that freaked her out even though i wont do anything. And i am not the type of person who general acts like they care so i been kind of depressed around her but its only because i never got an answer from my ex as to why she left just she is confused.... so in my mind i think my mom jumped the gun and said go get checked out.... But honestly i think i can handle it myself. This was my first true love and i had no idea this was going to happen. Actually nobody did except my ex i suppose.

Yea, a lot of people have this problem with their first true love. They don't know when it's time to call it quits. I'm sorry to say, but today might be day 1 for you in your recovery process. Just take it easy on yourself man. The pain might get worse... but eventually it will get better. You just have to give yourself time. Time is the key to healing.

Try to keep yourself busy. Check this thread out: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...kup-78597.html

[FoozGrind]

Yea after talking to my aunt she is a registered nurse she told me to take the medicine if that's what the MD recommand and I am only taking it to help myself over come this little hump. So what the hell ill just take it. Worse case it doesn't work and I stop it. Thanks for the help.

[talaniman]

Other than having sex, your doing the right things for yourself, and just me, let her pay you her half of the rent.

Be patient as its normal to feel as you do, that's quite a shock she gave you, but you will recover in time and do all right by yourself. It does take time.

As for those meds? I'm not your doctor, and only you know if they help or not.

[FoozGrind]

Yea I am still debating in my head to take the meds or not... Omigod I think this decision is becoming more of a pain in my @@@ than her leaving me. I am going to sit down tonight with a close friend and really talk about the medication issue. I really feel like if I was depressed over her leaving I wouldn't be out mountain biking and trying to hang out with buddies and stuff. I mean I do think about her a lot but I was almost about to walk down the aisle with her so I really think its normal to feel this way...

[I wish]

Yea i am still debating in my head to take the meds or not..... Omigod i think this decision is becoming more of a pain in my @@@ than her leaving me. I am going to sit down tonight with a close friend and really talk about the medication issue. I really feel like if i was depressed over her leaving i wouldnt be out mountain biking and trying to hang out with buddies and stuff. I mean i do think about her a lot but i was almost about to walk down the aisle with her so i really think its normal to feel this way.....

I think that you're doing better than you think. But don't you need to see a medical practitioner before you can take the meds? Do you have trouble sleeping? I can't say for sure because I'm not you, but how about giving yourself a little bit more time before deciding on the meds? Since today is considered day 1 for your recovery, why don't you give yourself a chance? Just a thought.

Exercising is a really good for the healing process.

[artlady]

I know exactly how what you mean. Everytime i talk to her or do the sex thing it resets to 0. funny thing is my mom wants me on anti-depressents.... i was like please give me a break isnt it normal to feel this way after a breakup?? Its not like i am sitting in the apartment crying i am going mountain biking... jogging.... trying to get out as much as possible.

I think you are having a much healthier approach to this,as opposed to what your Mom is suggesting.
Anti depressants are not miracle drugs or amnesiacs,you are going to be hurt for a time and hurt is part of healing.
The dating thing,not such a great idea right now.Its so easy to need someone after a break-up. Casual meetings with girls,yes, but dating,you could find yourself looking for a rebound girl.
Continue what you are doing and work on being content by yourself and that way when the new girl in your life comes along ,you will be a complete package.A whole person who is ready for love because you know how to be alone.

[FoozGrind]

Yea this past Wednesday I went and she gave me enough samples until I can see her in a month. My really only problem I have is if is it around the house by myself. I am so use to having my partner at the apartment with me it gets lonely... but than when I go out talk about her too much which my buddies are getting annoyed lol. I really think too that I am doing OK I honestly rather wait a few more weeks before I get on medication for something that should hurt because of what happened. I really really don't want to start taking medication for this problem when I am not normally a depressed person. I think my mom just got worried because like I said she has never seen me confused and lost I usually know what I am doing. My main problem is waking up each morning I feel sick to my stomach but it goes away by lunch time I think that's where my biggest depression concern comes in...

[FoozGrind]

So going on a date would be a good idea or bad idea? I am not looking for rebound sex... honestly having sex with someone else I would feel like I am cheating... but I want to go out and have dinner or something with other women I don't want to lay dorment and not get friendly again with the opposite sex.

[artlady]

Yea this past wensday i went and she gave me enough samples until i can see her in a month. My really only problem i have is if is it around the house by myself. I am so use to having my partner at the apartment with me it gets lonely... but than when i go out talk about her to much which my buddies are getting annoyed lol. I really think too that i am doing ok i honestly rather wait a few more weeks before i get on medication for something that should hurt because of what happened. I really really dont want to start taking medication for this problem when I am not normally a depressed person. I think my mom just got worried because like i said she has never seen me confused and lost i usualy know what i am doing. My main problem is waking up each morning i feel sick to my stomach but it goes away by lunch time i think thats where my biggest depression concern comes in....

You have to be very careful with this medication.Often it can make you more depressed.I was on some crap one time and I felt like I was going to pull my hair out.I went from depressed to angry.Finally I call the doctor and she's so nonchalant about it but says stop it immediately as it can cause you to become suicidal.
What's up with that?

[artlady]

So going on a date would be a good idea or bad idea? I am not looking for rebound sex.... honestly having sex with someone else i would feel like i am cheating.... but i want to go out and have dinner or something with other women i dont want to lay dorment and not get friendly again with the opposite sex.

The thing is,you go on a date then another and pretty soon,this lonely feeling starts to ebb and its replaced with a new feeling.Dependence on another person and then at some point she is going to want intimacy.I would say take it slow,but you know yourself and your needs and how well you can cope.

[FoozGrind]

Ill give it a try.

Thanks