[mm8000]

Hi,

I am in a love with a girl for past four months. Earlier she had liked a guy and expressed her feelings to him, but he did not accept her love as he was in love with another girl, she felt terribly hurt, she spent only 10 days with him, they hardly spent any time together apart from that guy dropping her home on couple of occasions.

This girl worked with me, and I was completely aware of her feelings as that guy happened to be my friend, not too close a friend though. After her heart break this girl lost interest in love and relationships as she did not get what she expected. I pitched in as a shoulder to lean on and gave her lot of hope, during this process I started developing interest towards her, we started going out after office just for a cup of coffee, in our second outing, we kissed each other and found the experience really intimate. We have dated together for four months, have spent really intimate time together, in fact we exchanged rings and strenghthened our bond of love. We were going really strong. There were only cultural differences between us such as we belong to different communities and castes.

This girl quit her job and has taken up her higher education. Just in a week's time after she joined college, her behaviour changed drastically towards me, she stopped messaging me the way she used to earlier and stopped calling me etc etc, she did not say what really went wrong, after much persuasion , she said, she got carried away seeing so much love for her, she thought she could go ahead with me , but just not able to... I tried to convince her saying we can face the world in spite of our cultural differences and get married at later date once she finishes her higher education, a week later, she came back saying she is still missing her first love, since then we have hardly been talking, she doesn't message, and her attitude and behaviour towards me has completely changed, she is also saying do not have any hopes for her to come back, she has decided to move on, at the same time, she is not expecting to go back to her first love, she is not waiting for him, etc...

I feel she is bringing her first love in picture just to make me hate her and move away from her, I feel the actual reason is the cultural differences, she feels if she goes ahead and gets married to me, she may end up hurting her parents and siblings big time, she has in fact once said, she will let go her happiness for the happiness of loved ones, at the initial time of dating she had also said that she can only give me her time and cannot committ herself to me for lifetime... but after this we really went strong and while we were together there was no indication her behaviour whatso ever, she really enjoyed life with me...

Now I am totally perplexed, I really don't know what to do, how do I convince her, If am trying to speak to her, she is getting on a defensive mood, she is thinking I don't understand her etc...

Please suggest what to do, all I know is , I love her madly and just want her back in my life

[confused1145]

Sounds like her mind may be made up. Just give her a little time and then try to call her, but she may only want to be friends at this point so be careful not to push her or you will drive her further away.

[talaniman]

You have caught this female at a weak moment, and fell in to deep, as she hasn't had time to heal from the other guy, and now she doesn't need you anymore, nor want what your offering. This is typical when jumping from partner, to partner, and you not knowing better, filled her feelings of loss, what we call a rebound. The only thing you can do, is leave her alone, and heal from this rejection, and move on to someone who can return your feelings, and neither of you has any extra baggage from your pasts. Let her go, and learn from this, that you can't expect love that last when someone is healing. You should have kept your distance.