[DJ Likwid 1989]

Me and my girlfriend have been in this relationship for 4 years. Just the past 3 months I've had to move to pursue a better job and start going to school. She says she loves me and doesn't want to break up and doesn't want anyone else. I am 41 and she is 48 and I call her my queen because after 2 divorces and an ex fiancé where all three have cheated on me and I have finally really fallen in love and haven't felt like this since a girlfriend that I had in High school. I admit I've made some mistakes with the last 3 and have learned from them and now truly know how to treat a woman and respect them by loving them more instead of lusting after them. I'm always telling her I love her and I miss her and she used to call me at least 3 times a day. Well she says before we meet and all through high school she has always had more guy friends than girlfriends. And so I leave and she tells me that she misses the times of me ALWAYS taking her out and going places and she does not want to be at home all alone so she has this guy friend from work that she has known for years and he is not her type, he is 55 years old, and that he is not attractive. But she allows him to pick her up and take her out to a movie or for drinks and the real reason she doesn't mind cause he pays for everything. But it bothered me a bit cause I don't know the guy and I asked her if he could call me just so I could thank him for taking care of her and being a friend and also so I could judge his character. He did not want to do it and I think it is disrespectful for him to take out my girlfriend and not want to talk to me. Now she says I'm being stupid and overbearing. So I said I was sorry and ill try my best. NOW, she says that she needs some space and she will call and text me on her time. She says I'm smothering her with me wanting to know what she did today and that I tell her too much that I love her and she doesn't like to tell each other at the end of every conversation " I love you" cause it cheapens the meaning and I can understand that. It just that it's killing me to not hear from her all day and waiting and hoping that she will call. Am I overreacting? And what should I do to deal with this feeling I have?

[Fr_Chuck]

She has just broken up with you.

She wanted the attention, the going out and a real face to face relationship.

You could not or would not take her with you ( or she would not go) but this is what happens in long distance relationships.

I assume there was no set plan on moving back together in real life in near future ?

She wanted a real boyfriend to hold her, not one on the phone.

So this was her way of trying to break up nicely without fighting

[DJ Likwid 1989]

She has just broken up with you.

She wanted the attention, the going out and a real face to face relationship.

You could not or would not take her with you ( or she would not go) but this is what happens in long distance relationships.

I assume there was no set plan on moving back together in real life in near future ?

she wanted a real boyfriend to hold her, not one on the phone.

So this was her way of trying to break up nicely without fighting

Nope your wrong. The reason why she had to stay behind is she has only a year and a half to retire then she is moving down here with me which is closer to her parents that only live 2 hours away and are not doing too well. Plus if you would have read she has no interest in the guy friend and is using him only because he pays for everything.

[DJ Likwid 1989]

Nope your wrong. The reason why she had to stay behind is she has only a year and a half to retire then she is moving down here with me which is closer to her parents that only live 2 hours away and are not doing too well. Plus if you would have read she has no interest in the guy friend and is using him only because he pays for everything.

Plus she tells me when she is with him and where they are and what they are doing without me having to ask. Plus she has turned him down on many occasions just to be by herself. And she is hanging out with a couple of girlfriends more now.

[teacherjenn4]

The way you are arguing with Fr Chuck now makes it sound like everything between you is just fine. If it's all so wonderful, then why did you ask for help in the first place?

[DJ Likwid 1989]

The way you are arguing with Fr Chuck now makes it sound like everything between you is just fine. If it's all so wonderful, then why did youi ask for help in the first place?

I just wanted to know what to do and how to deal with the space. Not have someone not fully read what I wrote and tell me that she broke up with me when she has not.

[dontknownuthin]

At best you have a girlfriend in a long-distance relationship who is feeling smothered. It's a LONG DISTANCE relationship - the "space" she needs is already built in. If you moved away and she still needs space, you have a real issue. She's not into you.

Second, you are describing this woman you think is going to not cheat on you as a person who regularly dates a guy who pays for everything, to whom she is not attracted. Hmmm - a woman who uses a generous, nice guy. Any thought she might be using you as well? She's found someone more convenient to use.

Judge people by their actions, not their promises. She doesn't want to be bothered by you and she's manipulatively and dishonestly going out with another guy whom she's not into, who treats her to expensive meals, etc. She's a user and abuser.