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Confused12 · Dec 5, 2005, 08:16 AM

I had been dating my girlfriend for about 3 and half years. My girlfriend is extremely attractive and I started to notice how much attention she was receiving whenever we went out to the bars or even the mall. I became very insecure and jeoulous.. I started constantly asking her "Who was she talking to ?" "Did any guys hit on her?" Another reason I felt caused my insecurity was that fact that she just never really showed me much affection. She said it wasn't me its just how she is... Besides me being jealous and insecure our relationship was going really well... We always hung out, I went to her family dinners, we would laugh together, had inside jokes, etc... One thing I thought was weird with her was that she doesn't have any friends, the only friend she has is her mom and her cousin who is her age, so whenever we went out it would be my male friends her and her cousin. The past week and half she had been acting very strangely. She seemed to be more depressed, wasn’t talking as much, etc.. We had a little argument about a week ago and out of nowhere she tells me she wants some space, she feels like I'm suffocating her.. It hit me like a pound of bricks.. I was shocked.. I found out one of her co workers called her at 2 in the morning the day before we broke up.. Im not sure if that had anything to do with her decision or not.. after looking back I realize how selfish I was acting and how I was pushing her away with my insecurity... I feel very disappointed and embarrassed at myself for becoming too controlling. I really love her so much and she still tells me she loves me but she is still standing by her decision... I really don’t want to lose her.. I mentioned to her that I am getting help with my problems. Its just so hard after 3 years to just let someone go.. I feel that if she does give me a second chance that we can work things out.. I understand she needs her space and I want her to go out and meet friends but I'm scared she will find someone to replace me if she hasn't already... Ever since we have been broke up she has been going out and not coming home till late at night around 3 a.m.. . It feels like this break up isn't affecting her at all which hurts me even more... what should I do.. Is there anyway I can win her back? We haven’t talked in two days its driving me crazy... A few of my friends mentioned to give her her space for a week and not call then send lilys to her work with a card that says hope you have a good day... Do you think this is a good idea... If anyone can help me I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks

talaniman · Dec 5, 2005, 09:50 AM

You aren't the first guy to run a woman off by insecure,immature behavior.Instead of worrying about what she's doing(also immature) take time to be honest with yourself and correct your behavior and thinking.No man should punish a women for being attractive and getting a lot of attention,never ever question her motives just because some other dude is trying to get next to her.If she has given you no reason to doubt her then don't.Wether she comes back to you or not,I can't say but at the very least you may owe her an apology for your jealous immature behavior and at least give her a chance to think about it.At least now you know how not to act around an attractive female :cool: good luck

nymphetamine · Dec 5, 2005, 10:17 AM

Talanim, you are one smart guy or whatever you are. Confused- Back off from the chick dude give her some space and stop being so jealous. Tell her you sorry and kiss her feet. :D

talaniman · Dec 5, 2005, 10:26 AM

Thank you for the kind words-talani=Earth-man :cool: :) If I Can help I will!

Confused12 · Dec 5, 2005, 05:12 PM

Thanks for the advice... I wrote her an email a few days ago explaining to her how I know I need to back off and that I understand she needs her space... and that I'm working on changing my behavior... she says she still loves me and wants to be friends... we haven't spoken in 2 days and she just called me.. she left a message saying she just wanted to see what's up and to call when I get this.. do you think I should avoid her calls and let you her think about stuff or call her back??

nymphetamine · Dec 5, 2005, 05:48 PM

No matter what she says just tell her that you both need some alone time meaning you away from her and her away from you. She may want to talk to tell you she wants to be together and it may sound nice but moving that path to quickly without having really thought things out or had any real space time can be hazardous.

PrettyLady · Dec 5, 2005, 05:50 PM

Confused12, my boyfriend was the same way as you. I'm in a new relationship and my boyfriend use to get jealous and insecure every time guys look at me or hit on me. He knew that guys would come on to me at work and in public places every day, and he didn't like it at all. I realized that I had to make him feel that he can trust me. So whenever we go out and guys it on me, I will ignore them and give my attention to my boyfriend. I also compromise with him without putting my life aside, learning to compromise does make a healthy relationship.

I think you should give your ex girlfriend space. Don't call her or send her roses, give her some room to breath. But if she doesn't want to get back together with you, then you must except her decision and move on. I know your going to be hurt and upset, but you will meet so many new people. In any future relationship you must learn to control yourself and try not to feel so insecure, or you will scare the person away. It would be best if you get some counseling, you can also talk to a good friend, it will help to be logical when you get into a new relationship.

fredg · Dec 6, 2005, 05:17 AM

Hi,
Losing someone you love is always hard. I know, cause it happened when I had a girlfriend, and also was divorced after my first 7 yrs of marriage. Been married this second time now for almost 29 yrs!
There is a good chance your long-time girlfriend wants to move on. There is nothing you can do about it, except keep seeing others. Talking with someone else will help.
As others have suggested, give her space, and leave her alone. If it is really "true love", she will eventually contact you, and want to talk about it.
You could be facing at least a year to get over this, but being with others is the best way to lessen the hurt.
I do wish you the best of luck.

Confused12 · Dec 6, 2005, 10:48 AM

Thanks for the advice... Ok so I returned her call the next day and we talked for little about nothing... just told her that I was getting ready to go for a job interview she asked me a couple questions about that and then she asked me how come I didn't call her back last night.. I told her I was really busy preparing for the interview said OK well good luck call me later and let me know how it went... Does it sound like she's playing a game?? Do you think that I should continue talking to her but not nearly as often as I had been in the past and maybe if she sees that I have changed and haven't been on her case about anything that she would take me back? Or should I just totally cut her off because I'm just preparing myself to get hurt again?

viviannjohn · Dec 14, 2008, 01:11 PM

I think you should let her go.I believe you have made your mistakes and you aer sorry that is a big step I mean nobody's perfect.u look else where I believe you will find somebody else you aer so into her that's why you don't have time to look elsewhere.remember one life tolive live it to the fulness.I know 3yrs is so long but take heart life it's full of ups and down.have fun boy.