[Jwr5885]

Ok well me and my girlfriend have been together for 3 yrs and we've lived together for 2 1/2 and about two weeks ago she says that she wants a break I say OK and nothing changed we still talked everyday and said I love etc so then something happened an she got taken advantage of at a bar luckily nothing major happened but afterwards she said she wants to end it with me and after talking I figure out that she feels as though I rely on her too much and she doesn't want to feel like she has to take care of me and so I say I'll change and show her but she says that the damage might have already been done and that she still loves me very much but she doesn't know if it can work she wants to take time and hopes we get back together and she says it will take a very very very long time for her to stop loving me and she wants a fresh start for us but she said seeing other people won't b a bad idea because maybe it will make her relize what she had with me and I said that I didn't want to see anyone else and she says she wants to be alone and hopes things will work out I haven't been calling her or anything and she says she still loves me and misses me very much so I don't know what to do I hope she realizes that I can change and comes back to me I would appreciate advice because I don't know what to think

[jakester]

Jwr - I hate to break it to you man, but she's not coming back... when a woman says that she wants a break and that she thinks seeing other people isn't a bad idea, she is already looking to move on. People want to move on without hurting the other person but it will hurt no matter what... but it'll hurt more when people aren't honest and won't cleanly cut the ties that bind. She's confusing you with her words but her actions will show you what the truth is in time.

I know it hurts... breakups always do... always. But I think you would do well if you just let her go. You cannot make someone love you... if it's not there, it's not there. I would also advise you that you shouldn't wait on her either. Emotionally, that will hurt you if you continue to wait on her, hoping that she will come back to you. You have to start moving on now. And that starts with accepting that what you once had with her is gone. Volumes of books have been written about letting go because it is the hardest thing to do.

I know that you will not believe what I am saying altogether. Part of you will continue to live in the fantasy that she will come back... your mind will hang on her words about taking time and hoping you will get back together. She's just saying that because she's trying to let you down easy. Don't believe those words... believe that she is trying to let go in the way that she knows how... don't be fooled by that.

Lastly, don't instinctively think that there is something wrong with you because she left. Whatever her reason for letting you go was (you rely on her too much), somebody who really loves you would have not let that get between you... that is not a good enough reason to leave... especially since you were never given the chance to know her resentment before and do something about it. Maybe the criticism is warranted... maybe it isn't... maybe she has a difficult time with intimacy for whatever reason. My point isn't for you to answer my statements directly, but just consider what I am saying for yourself and think about this relationship. You are a person of value and you need not believe that you are less than valuable because your girlfriend walked away. We are not all meant for each other.

Be good to yourself.

[Jwr5885]

But we have such a strong relationship and she def still loves me and misses me terribly and she says that she's very hopeful we will get back together and still wants me to see her and hug and kiss so and that she wants it to work but she wants to have a fresh start for us I don't know she's a very honest person so I don't think she would tell me those things if it wasn't true that's not like her

[vanheart]

"But we have such a strong relationship"

No you don't.

"and she def still loves me"

That's all in your head. You can never speak for someone else's feelings. In fact, it's the opposite.

"I don't think she would tell me those things if it wasn't true"

Yeah she would. It makes it easy for her to breakup. She knew all of this way before you.
This is how girls do it. To not hurt your feelings. Maybe keep you hanging around, just to see if the next guy doesn't work out.
Try & let you down as easy as possible.

Get with the breakup program, now.
Go NC. Let her tell her stories to someone else. Disappear.

What? Would you rather have a slap in the face?
Same thing.

She doesn't want a relationship anymore.

Don't beg or wait for her, move on.

Sorry, man. That's how it goes.

[Jwr5885]

But I'm not going by what I think she's telling me she still loves me and wants us to have a fresh start that's what she says she feels not me guessing how she feels

[vanheart]

Her:
"she said she wants to end it with me"

"she wants a break"

"she says that the damage might have already been done"

"she doesn't know if it can work"

"she said seeing other people won't b a bad idea"

"she says she jus wants to be alone"

You:
"But I'm not goin by what I think she's telling me"

Leave her alone for a while. Take a really long break...

[amicon]

Sorry guy but you've been dumped and whatever she says about reconnecting is the cowardly way to keep you hanging around in false hope in case freedom wasn't all that great...

No contact-leave her to live her life and go live your own,by healing from the break up and finding better things to do.

[talaniman]

Dude, when you get dumped, you bow out gracefully, and keep your dignity and self respect. She wants to be alone, so honor that and get your own life back without her in it.

If she changes her mind she will tell you but pestering her like a lovesick puppy is not manly or dignified.