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sumunoz58 · Mar 26, 2007, 06:51 PM

I have been separated for 11 years. We have two teen aged chldren that have lived with me the whole time. I want to move out of state with them to be near family and I have a better job where I am wanting to move. Problem is their father has Huntington's disease and I wanted him to move with us so that I can help him out. Because of this disease he is very difficult to reason with. He is against the children moving even when they want to. Can I move, as long as he knows where we are before the divorce? And what are my chances in court?

Fr_Chuck · Mar 26, 2007, 06:55 PM

Separated for 11 years and not divorced yet ? That is an issue into itself.

He can make a motion to the court to stop you from moving, or also to require you to transport the children back for visitation.

And who knows what the court will say?? That is a coin toss.

shygrneyzs · Mar 26, 2007, 07:31 PM

Exactly - a coin toss. If you take the children out of state without permission - you better get a good attorney to defend yourself. Your husband can press charges. You can move on your own and leave your children with him. You can do the traveling back and forth and make the visitations to the children and pay the child support.

lacuran8626 · Mar 27, 2007, 10:17 AM

I don't know your rights given you are still married. You might want to get a lawyer to file for divorce and at the same time get court permission to relocate with the kids. YOu will need to get full physical custody and be willing to make reasonable visitation arrangements. Given his disability, you may have to pay your husband spousal maintenance and may not get much in the way of child support. You need to find all this out and most attorneys will consult with you free initially.

That said, I have some understanding of the moving thing because I'm up to my neck in it myself. I want to relocate with my preteen son, of whom I've had sole physical custody for the past 6 years. My ex husband will not consent to the move so, while I'm making a last ditche effort to mediate, I likely will have to take him to court to get permission. It's a mess - I genuinely like the guy and want to make this easy on everyone, but for a variety of reasons staying where I am just doesn't work - I have elderly parents who need my help, I have an opportunity for employment that I need to accept, and my support system as a parent is also in the other state. As my lawyer put it to me, there's little question I will be permitted to go with my son to the other state - it's just a matter of how long it will take, what it will cost and what I will be put through in order to get a positive decision from either my ex, or if he won't ultimately consent, the court.

One recommendation I strongly make - do what's right for you and your kids now. Do not divorce without resolving this issue but do divorce - meaning, divorce with your plans to move included in your original divorce decree. This will protect your rights moving forward.

If you want to provide care for your ex husband, it's generous to offer that but you may not be able to provide it if he is trying to control you in the way you describe. It may be hard to leave him behind where you are now, but it may be best for both of you in the end.

Again, call a laywer and have an initial meeting. They can probably tell you exactly what you can expect without charging you for that first appointment. And if money is an issue, you can ask them or call your state bar association to find out if you qualify for some free legal assistance.