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Bubblenn · May 18, 2005, 02:37 AM

Hi!

I've been friends with a guy for 1yr and 4mnths now.. We started being friends, because he went through a difficult breakup and me too, so we helped each other.. since then we've become BEST BEST friends. We are totally comfortable with each other. We started kissing and it was just kind of as friends, then suddenly this yr things changed and emotions kicked in..
Now he says that he's confused and that when he's with me he's happy, but when I'm not there he doesn't know what he wants. I talked about it with him and told him that his messing with me cause I want a relationship. He was in tears and told my best friend that he would die without me..

I told him we shouldn't be friends anymore. So that he could realise if I'm what he wants or not.. Was really really hard and we were both in tears. I really know he cares for my DEEPLY. I just can't go on like this.. I told him to phone if he made up his mind, but I think he would just wollow in his sadness and not phone, cause he thinks that's the best for me and that he doesn't deserve me. He doesn't want to hurt me..

I don't know what to do, can we ever be just friends or a couple? Should I keep on fighting for him? Did I make the right decision?
Please help..

Wildcat21 · May 18, 2005, 08:20 AM

Well - friendship is EXTREMELY important IF you want a relationship to work.

We talking about a relationship and not dating. If your not friends as well as lovers it will not last. You may even get married - but if you're not friends, then the it will ultimately end in divorce.

Actually, being friends for more than a year is a great base for love and a lasting LTR.

You and you guy need to understand this thoroughly.

Wildcat21 · May 18, 2005, 08:22 AM

I advise you to read ALL the articles at lovetactics.com - they really helped me get it.

For a great LTR:

1. Friendship

2. RESPECT

3. The result is passion

4. Then love

It sounds like you're friends and the respect = passion.

Bubblenn · May 19, 2005, 01:30 AM

I really agree with u, but the ball is totally in his court, although I told him we shouldn't contact each other anymore..

It's been 4 days now( very long 4 days) and I was just wondering, do u think it's a good idea to do this not talking thing? Do u think I made the right decision and what should I do now..

I read sum articles on friendship and passion and they say I should slowly cut him off to make him realise what he's going to miss.. did I spoil it now by cutting off suddenly?

Bubblenn · May 19, 2005, 01:37 AM

Should I maybe email him and tell him to go read sum articles on lovetactics, cause it may help him?

Wildcat21 · May 19, 2005, 08:21 AM

I do think it's good with the no - contact thing. 'make him miss you' thing. Very important. I think you both need to reflect. Might be best to wait for him to call. Cut him off could create massive passion. 4 days is not very long - I know how you feel though - it could take 3 weeks. I'd wait a little longer and maybe shoot him and e-mail after a week IF he doesn't call - Just say "Hey what's up?" "Thinkin gabout you" - no MUSH - NO Pressure!

"did i spoil it now by cutting off suddenly?" Not at all. Less communicatio in your situation never hurt. Calling all the time and rushing things did hurt.

"but the ball is totally in his court" - that's one thing I don't like in your situation. The ball should always be in your court.

DO NOT give him the love tactics stuff - THAT I YOUR material. AND that stuff IS NOT playing games. You have to do that stuff to keep them interested. A lot of people tdo that stuff naturally.

Again - a lot of people feel you can't be friends with your lover - but you must be friends.