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mogrann · Apr 24, 2011, 06:46 AM

I am in a DBT program due to me suffering from BPD. I know the skills and have been doing my diary cards and homework.

This week has been rough on me. I have a sick dog that may need expensive surgery,found out my sister-in-laws cancer is now terminal and having money issues. I am just back to work and doubting whether I can do it emotionally though I have to due to bills. My mother is also ill and that is weighing on my mind. With the SIL cancer while in emotional mind I sent out a letter to another family member explaining about the cancer and it being terminal and stating that is probably why she was the way she was. I WAS WRONG IN HOW I SAID THE THINGS I DID. I apologized profusly as I made things so much worse and that is an understatement.

I did this on Facebook and have decided I am taking a break as I tend to do this. Post things while I am in emotional mind instead of wise mind and it always makes things worse.

Today I am trying so hard to use my skills and such to reduce anxiety and the panic attacks I am having. I hate myself so much and to be honest want to go back to the old Susan. The one who hides everything and cuts to deal with her issues. This is getting to be too hard. I don't think I can do this.

To be honest I am fighting SU urges to and the only thing stopping me is my fear that I will hurt others. You see I was raised and I believe that others come before me. You take care of others. Right now I need someone to take care of me but can't ask.

Sorry for the rant. Looking for help in how I get back to mindfulness and use my skills.

Susan

Jake2008 · Apr 24, 2011, 09:38 AM

In addition to the Dialectic Behaviour Therapy, I presume you have been clinically diagnosed as Bipolar, and I am wondering first off, if you are also taking medication for this. How often do you participate in therapy, and have you been taught any coping skills when things start to slide.

It is very, very difficult to learn essentially, how to re-think, organize and change thoughts and thought patterns. Recognizing the spectrum of emotions and the anxiety that goes along with that, you are already doing, right now. You know what is happening.

What should you be doing, or doing more of, that you are not doing now. Why is there no one that you can visit to talk to that has some understanding of what you are going through. I'm sure you know that in an emergency you can get yourself in to see your Doctor, or call your clinic and ask for emergency assistance.

While there is a lot going on in your life, you can manage it. You have always managed your emotions, just not in a healthy way- it is maybe still new territory for you, but, I'm sure you know that the alternative for not taking charge now, will result in a backslide into the 'old' person you were, and the old ways of coping.

I hope for now, you will take a break. Go for a long walk, write a thousand times a day if you have to, call a family member or friend even if you would rather not. Don't let a temporary situation, leave you thinking permanent solutions.

mogrann · Apr 24, 2011, 01:11 PM

Jake I have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and they have taken me off all my medication I was on in relation to my mental health- Anti -anxiety, sleeping, and my depression pills.
I see my therapist weekly, my psych doc every 6 months, and have skills group weekly as well. I do have available phone coaching Monday to Friday 8-5. I know there is also the help line or even ER if I feel I am that bad off.
As I type this and read what I wrote earlier etc. I feel bad that I am not getting it and able to do what I need to do. I have been in the DBT program since Dec.
I have just woke up from a sleep. Thank you for your suggestions of writing I will try that or my coloring to see if that helps. I will be calling Monday to my primary therapist I just need to lessen my super high anxiety so I can feel like I can do it until then.
Thank you again Jake. I do appreiciate you answering.

Susan

Wondergirl · Apr 24, 2011, 01:21 PM

Just to let you know, Susan, that I am always very happy to see you posting your questions and thoughts and also photos of Owen. You have added greatly to this site.

mogrann · Apr 24, 2011, 03:47 PM

Wondergirl thank you so much that does help. I am getting dressed now and going to ER to see a doctor. I am unsure if I need to be on meds short term or a IP. It has been 24 hours of panic attack and nothing is helping. Maybe I just need to talk to a professional.
I will update or will ask Binx to if I am unable. I can get hubby to text her.

mogrann · Apr 25, 2011, 12:03 AM

We just got back from the ER. The psych team decided on giving me Advan for the short term use. This to help decrease my anxiety and hopefully allow me some breathing room to use skills to lessen it more.
I also have to follow up with my primary therapist tomorrow. Off to bed and thank you for the responses.

Susan

Wondergirl · Apr 25, 2011, 08:33 AM

Originally Posted by mogrann

We just got back from the ER. The psych team decided on giving me Advan for the short term use. This to help decrease my anxiety and hopefully allow me some breathing room to use skills to lessen it more.
I also have to follow up with my primary therapist tomorrow. Off to bed and thank you for the responses.

Thanks for the update on your ER visit. I wish I could be there to help you (and to get some kisses from Owen).