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jd12688 · May 21, 2008, 03:32 AM

I just got out of a long relationship with the first girl I ever really loved. This may sound dumb but Im worried that ill never find someone else and I was wandering is that normal? Its not because of self esteem, its just because I can't imagine how I will find someone who I like and who likes me. I think it worries me because it relies on chance.

bigbird213 · May 21, 2008, 04:31 AM

JD,

I can't speak for everyone else, but I have definitely felt that way. I just got out of my first relationship recently, and I find myself putting tons of pressure on myself because I fear I won't be able to find someone.

The problem is, all of this pressure really doesn't help anything. In fact, it probably delays the process and causes me to overthink simple things. Think back to the start of your first relationship - it probably didn't start because you were going out with the intention of finding someone to date, you were just looking to have fun and met someone along the way.

Relax, try not to pressure yourself, and let time take it course.

gg23 · May 21, 2008, 06:05 AM

True I have to agree with bigbird! I just recently also got out of a serious relationship. I have had several relationships, but I felt like this one was going to be it, then suddenly something happened. Speak about the unavoidable lol... At first I was scared that I would never find someone like my ex etc... with each day that goes by however, I'm becoming more rational and feeling that I am slowly getting better. I still miss her a ton especially at night! Used to talking to her a lot every night, so that usually when I am nostalgic. But it gets better so I am just taking it one day at the time. This probably one of the hardest thing I have ever gone through in my life!! But don't worry you be fine don't pressure yourself just enjoy the bumpy ride and just go out and try to have fun. That's exactly how I met my now ex. I was just going about my business and met her, and decided to say hi and chat a little. Everything went from there and two years later she packed her bags and walked away... but that's life... experience the pain, learn the lesson and be grateful about your time together and be patient with yourself... punching the heavy bag and journalizing are working for me!! n going out, so just stay busy... sometime love creeps from behind gets u... so just chill to the next episode;)... hang in there!

talaniman · May 21, 2008, 10:46 AM

I think it worries me because it relies on chance.

You fell in love with one female and now you mean to say you will never find someone to feel strongly about now? Chance? Did you know there are milions and millions of females out here? Take a CHANCE and talk to few before you worry about finding some one.

JBeaucaire · May 21, 2008, 11:59 AM

If you have to spend energy on this, why does it have to be fear and frustration? The same energy can go into planning and opportunity making.

Having a generally hopeful and positive outlook on life not only saves you a lot of needless fretting, it benefits pretty much every aspect of your life.

There's no reason to EXPECT to fail, so why bother with that? Just the opposite is not just equally likely, it is MORE likely since men and women were designed to be together.

Stop worrying about yourself. Get out there and be of use to the world, women included. Be involved and active and positive and worry free... the kind of guy a woman would want to spend time with.

NorthernNiceGuy · May 21, 2008, 12:17 PM

I feel the same way as you jd. I just got out of a 4 year relationship and the feeling you are having is normal. My confidence is at an all time low right now, and I feel scared that I will never find a love like that. Everyone goes through this, just know that. I don't think either of us are at the stage where we should be worrying about it though, I don't think either of us are even ready for it to be honest. Just work on healing yourself and once you're feeling good again that feeling will show on your face and it will happen for you. Just the same way you met your ex, one day out of no where you will meet that somebody. Just know, it's a totally normal feeling, but also now it really doesn't hold any merit. I mean look at all the people you know, you're parents or whatever, I am sure they have all been dumped... but guess what, they found love again!

kp2171 · Jun 11, 2008, 06:41 AM

Been there done that. First love I dated for 7 years... 2 HS, through college, part of a year after.

At 22 I remember thinking one night "am i ever going to find anyone else"... "am i going to be alone"...

Well... I was alone... for a time. Took a good time to shake that girl out of my head. But eventually I dated others. Found another big love. Lost it. Found another. Lost it again. Eventually found my wife.

Seriously... let yourself feel like crap. Let yourself get mad. The loss of a big relationship can be a lot like the death of a friend... you go through much of the same grief... except with a relationship you can fill that void again in time with another love.

Been there myself. There's several billion people in the world. She wasn't the only one for you, no matter how strong the connection. Some big loves are meant for a time, but not for all time. Others will come.