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ldw55 · Mar 4, 2008, 06:36 PM

My daughter is 23 and she has a 6 year old daughter. Over the last several years she comes and goes in the house. She is never at home to put her daughter to bed, or get her up for school. She has maybe given her a bath in the last 5 years maybe 3 times if that. Most of the time she is off with her boyfriend and does not even bother coming home at night.
She would much rather be with her so called friends that spend anytime with her daughter.

Her daughter would rather myself do things for her than her mother. I tell her every day that she should not be that way that she is her mother regardless.
I feel sorry for her, and can't stand to see her so sad.

Need to get my daughter out of her life for a while till she grows up or straightens up.

ScottGem · Mar 4, 2008, 06:43 PM

The first thing you need to do is file for guardianship of your granddaughter. Consult an attorney

N0help4u · Mar 4, 2008, 06:45 PM

You need to report her to child services and let them know she is leaving your granddaughter home alone all night. That can be really dangerous. You can request custody/guardian of her if you want.
You need to do something. I hear at least three times every two years of moms going out all night and leaving the oldest (usually around 8 yrs old) to babysit all the kids and they come home to the house on fire and most of the kids die.
I also remember hearing about a kid who left the house in the middle of the night to go look for mommy and they found him in a ditch of water face down the next day.

This is neglect at its worst! And I do not like CPS so for me to recommend them it has to be serious.

If she wants to be with her boyfriend so bad they need to spend the night at her house watching movies or something not running around.

ScottGem · Mar 4, 2008, 06:49 PM

The impression I have is that daughter and granddaughter livei n the same house and that grandma provides most of the care for the child. So CPS may not be appropriate here.

Grandma does need to file for guardianship and she can use the daughter's lack of care as grounds for going so.

N0help4u · Mar 4, 2008, 06:50 PM

Yeah if she is living with her then that would be able to rule CPS out.

N0help4u · Mar 4, 2008, 06:57 PM

Sorry I misunderstood the living arrangements.
I thought maybe you meant that you care for her when she is with you but is with the mother more often. You didn't state you live in the same house.

ldw55 · Mar 4, 2008, 06:58 PM

Thank you both for your help. And I will contact a attorney to start papers on guardianship. And I'm going to have to have my daughter evicted out of the house.
It is not the appropriate environment for my granddaughter to see much less be in.

N0help4u · Mar 4, 2008, 06:59 PM

Sounds like a plan

oneguyinohio · Mar 4, 2008, 06:59 PM

Is your daughter willing to let you adopt or have full custody of the child? That would be the first obstacle. My parents went through three changes of custudy when my sister would come back and say she wanted to be mom again... finally, the court made it a finalized adoption done deal... since the judge knew the circumstances... but that was the judges decision. In order to have the birth mother out of the picture for awhile, you might have to move or have strict rules? There may also be a lot of hard feelings from the child toward the mother... especially if more kids come along later and get preferential treatment.
You'd also need to consider if the biological father is in the picture at all... or if he is known with name on birth cirtificate etc...
If you adopt the child versus full permanent custody, it might make a difference as far as government assistance of even school enrollment information... you'd want to talk with an attorney to hear the different aspects of those options.
Keep encouraging the granddaughter not to have bad feelings against the mother... try to be possitive and hopefully when the granddaughter is old enough to understand she can learn that the biological mom wasn't emotionally ready to be a parent at the time the child was born... not as a condemnation of her mother, but as an explanation so that she understands that she was not responsible or in any way doesn't feel that she was not good enough for the mother to want her... those things can have tremendous impacts on adolescents... and hopefully a life lesson about the importance of waiting to have children will be learned by the youngest generation...
There is also an issue of other family members spreading untrue information through gossip that can cause a lot of friction in the family as well as from other members of the community who may only hear one side of things. Some of those things are impossible to figure out who said what to whom... or how the stories get started... just be aware that those things do happen... but it really doesn't matter because you know the truth... let others say or think what they choose... they probably will no matter what you might say... if you ever even have an opportunity to say anything...
Sorry if I've made any wrong assumptions or written too much... I've just seen this type of situation play out for many many years now...

ldw55 · Mar 4, 2008, 07:09 PM

I don't think my daughter would give me full custody of her, cause her father is in the picture as far as child support, with the child support going on a debit card now, my daughter did hand over the card to myself, so I can use it for her needs as far as clothes, and school supplies. He is raising another child, and I would never keep him away from her anyway. For both children love each other.
I have offered many times for her to sign over temp. custody for 1 year so she can go and get her head on straight again. But she has not signed anything. And to be honest with you I'm getting tired of the situation.
As far as rumors go, Her daughter has eyes, and she sees what exactly her mom is doing, and I am not going to lie to her especially when she sees it for herself.
But I will seek a attorney and go for guardianship.

oneguyinohio · Mar 4, 2008, 07:22 PM

Sounds good... honesty is never wrong... I didn't mean to lie to the child... only trying to offer an interpretation that might fit and maybe give a better understanding for the child... my sister seemed to be the same way as your daughter... the grandson in my situation still has a strained relationship with biological mom... Your plan seems like a good idea...

cdad · Mar 5, 2008, 04:18 PM

The other thing your going to have to face at some point is you may have to kick out the "mom" ( your daughter ) in order to get this done otherwise the courts may view it as a child being raised in an extended family situation and not grant you anything further. Have you spoken to the father about all of this ? He too may seek modification of some sort so tread lightly until you really understand what's going on and what might happen. Good Luck.

N0help4u · Mar 5, 2008, 04:23 PM

Originally Posted by califdadof3

The other thing your going to have to face at some point is you may have to kick out the "mom" ( your daughter ) in order to get this done otherwise the courts may view it as a child being raised in an extended family situation and not grant you anything further.

That is why I didn't catch on that the daughter and her lived in the same house.

MissCherry2007 · Mar 7, 2008, 01:05 AM

Originally Posted by N0help4u

You need to report her to child services and let them know she is leaving your granddaughter home alone all night. That can be really dangerous. You can request custody/guardian of her if you want.
You need to do something. I hear at least three times every two years of moms going out all night and leaving the oldest (usually around 8 yrs old) to babysit all the kids and they come home to the house on fire and most of the kids die.
I also remember hearing about a kid who left the house in the middle of the night to go look for mommy and they found him in a ditch of water face down the next day.

This is neglect at its worst! And I do not like CPS so for me to recommend them it has to be serious.

If she wants to be with her bf so bad they need to spend the night at her house watching movies or something not running around.

CPS is THE WRONG system to ever get involved with..! :eek: Been there done that it was a hellish nightmare, I would get a written notery signed document saying you have TEMPERORY custody until child reaches age so and so. That's what I am about to do for my mom...

ScottGem · Mar 7, 2008, 06:42 AM

Originally Posted by MissCherry2007

CPS is THE WRONG system to ever get involved with......!!!!!!!! :eek: Been there done that it was a hellish nightmare, I would get a written notery signed document saying you have TEMPERORY custody until child reaches age so and so. Thats what i am about to do for my mom...

While I dodn't disagree about CPS, the document you describe is not enough. The OP needs to get herself appointed guardian of the child legally and that means a court order.