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Klimabear · Nov 17, 2011, 08:45 AM

I am a guy in love with my best very straight friend. I constantly think and dream about him. He has a girlfriend for almost 4 years now and is wanting to propose to her. I struggle with the idea that I might never see him again. He doesn't know I am gay. I always act straight around him and pretend to like girls. I just want to be with him every moment of every day. Please give advice on getting over him?

smoothy · Nov 18, 2011, 02:02 PM

You just have to do it... look for someone else... abandon any thoughts you have about him.

There is no magical secret... hetero, bi or gay... its going to be hard for anyone.

Consider it a character building exercise. Making the right choice to not chase after someone that you can't have or is otherwise taken no matter how you feel because it's the right thing to do.

HotHoneyVintage · Nov 21, 2011, 09:01 AM

That's a path going to lead to nowhere. You should finds other gay male you like and go out with them.

Synnen · Nov 21, 2011, 09:24 AM

What is it with gay guys falling for straight friends? I see this so often I'm starting to think it is a stereotype.

He is STRAIGHT. He's not into guys. If you get THAT into your head, you should have no problem moving on.

How would you feel if you found out some woman friend was really into you and upset because you didn't want to be with her sexually and have a long term romantic relationship with her? Wouldn't you feel a little sad for her because she wants you to be something you're not: straight? And wouldn't you be uncomfortable spending time with her while she has these unreasonable expectations of you?

Go meet GAY guys! You can't have more than a friendship with a straight guy, no matter how much you want it. BUT--that's a safe thing, isn't it? You aren't really putting yourself out there for dating if you already have feelings for someone but they just don't return those feelings, right? You need to do things where you are meeting guys that ARE available for romantic intimacy. Go join a dating website. Get involved in volunteering locally. Help others by donating your time to help kids get past bullying for their sexual orientation. DO SOMETHING besides sitting and feeling sorry for yourself that you "fell for" someone that was never available to you to begin with.

PS--The BEST way to avoid these situations going forward? COME OUT of your closet already! You're pretending to be someone you're not for this guy who isn't even a possibility as a partner, and that is so incredibly unhealthy it's not even funny.

mathewcostin · Nov 22, 2011, 06:55 AM

Just feel your fear and tell him the truth. Also, how is he both similar and different to your dad, and why do you like that?

Cat1864 · Nov 22, 2011, 12:17 PM

Being open about being gay is one thing, but do not tell him how you feel about him. He has a girlfriend which makes him off-limits. Not only does he have a girlfriend but he wants to marry her. Respect their relationship as you would want someone to respect your relationship with a partner.

I suggest getting out and making more friends. Start being more honest about who you are and stop lying to him about liking females.

I think your emotions are clouded because you are building up a fantasy of what you want him to be and do. You need to let those thoughts go and concentrate on reality. The more people you meet, the better the chance of finding someone who is available not only because he is gay, but isn't already in a relationship.

Good luck.