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Charlie_butch · Aug 3, 2014, 02:59 PM

So I'm 16 and about to start college, and I'm dating this girl who's only 13, and I love and care for her so much, she has issues such as depression etc.. But I'm not in it for the sexual interactions, me still being a virgin anyway, and she is so mature for her age it's unreal, she's not even a virgin, her mum knows about me and is okay with it, but I'm afraid of telling mine because mine are very old fashioned and not easy to talk to... I love her to pieces, I just wanted to know if it's actually 'okay'

CandyJar14 · Aug 3, 2014, 03:35 PM

I think it's OK if you really love her that much and family should know who you date

Cat1864 · Aug 3, 2014, 03:42 PM

Dating and Sex: There are no laws regarding dating but any sexual acts of any type with her will be against the laws in most places. Even if she is willing and her mother doesn't have a problem with it.

Telling your parents: Be honest with them that you are dating or want to date. It will be up to them as to whether or not you can date. Obey their rules. Going behind their backs is a good way to destroy their trust in you and add more or harsher rules.

If you are going to college, will you be living at home or going off to school?

DoulaLC · Aug 3, 2014, 06:48 PM

Always best to be upfront with your parents if you don't want to lose their trust in you. Do you think they are concerned about her age?

While three years doesn't seem that much, you do need to keep in mind that while you are of an age for consent, she is not for another 3 years should any sexual contact come into the picture. You could find yourself in a great deal of trouble with the law, and certainly the possibility of becoming a father sooner than you would have liked.

Give this some careful thought. Given that she has already had sex, she may be more inclined to eventually try to move in that direction with you.

If your parents and her parents are fine with dating, than enjoy dating. Chances are that the two of you may meet other people closer to your own ages that you might want to get to know. Especially that you will be attending college while she is still in secondary school. You may be surprised at the differences.

Homegirl 50 · Aug 3, 2014, 07:07 PM

Did you just turn 16, because I can't imagine why you would be interested in a 13 year old. You need to tell your parents about this. There could be trouble ahead if you two engage in sexual activity. I know as a parent I would be against this. I can't imagine why a parent would allow their 13 year old daughter to date, let alone date a 16 year old.

jenna_arce · Aug 3, 2014, 07:48 PM

These people are saying to be upfront with your parents, and hey, you really should. But I went through almost the Same thing and its not that easy. I think you should wait it out for a little longer to see if its majorly serious. Have fun being in love and don't let other people ruin it for you. You'll know when your ready to invite other people into your relationship. Its definitely OK.

Alty · Aug 3, 2014, 08:44 PM

Here's the thing jenna arce, these are two kids. Not adults. Adults can date whoever they want, because they're adults. Children don't have the same liberties because they're children, and no matter how mature they seem to be for their age, their brains aren't fully grown, and they're not ready to make adult decisions. That's why there are laws to protect them.

There are no laws against dating. Having said that, if the posters parents don't want him to date, they have the legal right to say no. He's still a child. Not telling them, is not okay. He can choose to keep people out of his relationships, when he's an adult. Until then, his parents decide.

Homegirl 50 · Aug 4, 2014, 01:32 AM

When you are young and think you're in love you can do some pretty reckless things, that's why they need parents telling them no and setting boundaries. They are both too young to be doing what they want and enjoying love, especially the 13 year old.

ScottGem · Aug 4, 2014, 04:56 AM

You'll know when your ready to invite other people into your relationship. Its definitely OK.

It is NEVER OK to go behind your parent's back. These are children and they should be upfront with their parents.

Also a 13 yr old girl with depression issues is not a good choice for a 16 yr old boy. Frankly, your statement that you aren't in it for sex and the fact that you know she isn't a virgin, implies that you have been experimenting. And since she is underage in most areas, you are risking jail. I'm not sure what you are asking is "okay". Is it OK for you to date? Since her mother (what about the father?) is aware and OK, then you can date with your parent's permission. Is it OK to have sex? NO! Is it OK not to tell your parent's? NO!

You were also asked about whether you are going away to college. If you are, a 13 yr old is unlikely to wait for you.

Finally you say she is so mature. A 13 yr old who is no longer a virgin doesn't sound very mature to me.

smoothy · Aug 4, 2014, 04:58 AM

16 and ready to start college? Highly unlikely but not completely impossible, but for someone that intelligent and that far ahead of their peers... I highly doubt would be fooling around with a 13 year old. Most 16 year olds would absolutely torture any other 16 year old even thinking of messing with a 13 year old because they are so much less mature in every way.

And any that are....I think are prime candidates to be furture pedophiles because they would be grooming a far less mature and far more impressionable kid into doing something they otherwise would know is wrong, otherwise they would prefer someone on at least the same emotional and developmental level.

And anyone that needs to sneak around behind their parents back is clearly up to doing something wrong or they wouldn't be sneaking around hiding.

I see absolutely nothng good that can come from this.

ScottGem · Aug 4, 2014, 05:22 AM

16 and ready to start college? Highly unlikely but not completely impossible, but for someone that intelligent and that far ahead of their peers... I highly doubt would be fooling around with a 13 year old.

He referred to his girlfriend's mother as "mum" which indicates he might be UK who's school system baffles me. ;)

talaniman · Aug 4, 2014, 05:34 AM

Anything you do behind your parents back is NOT okay. But you already know that.

smoothy · Aug 4, 2014, 05:35 AM

UK school system Baffles me too Scott, I am a lot more familiar with the Italian School System and they take education a lot more serious there apparently in that they don't turn them loose at 16. They also don't have a 3 month vacation in Italy.

Jake2008 · Aug 4, 2014, 09:32 PM

Let's get real here. It is not okay, for you to date a 13 year old child. I repeat, a child. You saying she has depression issues, if she is in fact diagnosed with depression, and is in treatment, is one thing. Her going through the normal development of a child of her age, is all about ups and downs, and hormones and changes.

A 16 year old is in no position to judge depression, or the maturity of a 13 year old. That she is already sexually active does not mean she is mature, as has already been stated.

If you were my son, dating a 13 year old child, you wouldn't see the light of day for a long time, and I wouldn't give two hoots if her parents think it's okay. It is not okay.

If she were my daughter, I'd have the cops on your tail faster than a New York minute.