[riverstyx0128]

OK, so I am at a new job (4 weeks). The other day my boss was away for the day, and his personal assistant, this really cute girl, calls my phone late in the afternoon saying she has some "down time" and was wondering if I have any work I need completed, that she will do it for me. I told her no but thanks anyway. The guys laughed and said that is a definite sign that she likes me, and that it would be really weird if she had some down time, for her to actually volunteer to do work, instead of just sitting there pretending to be busy, but doing something she wants to do, especially since her boss is away and he can't tell whether she is working or not. But I don't know if the guys are right. I mean, yeah, it would be weird if she really just wanted extra work, but I also think her calling me can only be taken as a sign of romantic interest if like she did 10 other things, like smile really big when she sees me (she doesn't that I've noticed), or look me in the eyes with that look when you just know someone likes you (she hasn't, at least not that I've noticed), or at least come around where I'm working more, although to be fair I work in a small room with two other guys, and I'm across the hall on the other side of the building. None of those things have happened. But also, I'm not exactly the most exciting personality out there. I come across as disinterested in most other people because, well, I really AM disinterested in them. BUT this girl is cute. But since I am new and my job is not yet secure, I wanted to get some feedback first before I make a move. What do you think?

[Wondergirl]

No moves. Not with a coworker.

[J_9]

Workplace relationships rarely work. Keep your distance. What is your company policy regarding workplace relationships?

You are only 4 weeks into this job, do you want to risk it? Is it worth it? Can you afford to be unemployed?

[Fr_Chuck]

Never date where you work,,

It almost never works, and if he goes bad, one of you normally have to leave company, esp in smaller work group

[Alty]

She may be like me. I hate sitting around at work pretending to be busy. It makes the day drag on forever. Often times when I ran out of things to do for my own job, I'd ask other employees if they had anything I could take over. I had no romantic interest in any of them. I just have a great work ethic, and hate to be bored at work. I'd much rather be busy.

From what you said, she's given you no indication that she's interested in you, and even if she were, it's never a good idea to get involved with someone you work with.

Sounds to me like she just wants to stay busy at work.

[talaniman]

Leave it alone guy and stop fantasizing. When you're the new guy best not to look like an idiot because the other guys are jacking you up.

[Homegirl 50]

Doesn't sound like she is interested and you just started working there. Workplace relationship seldom work. Don't listen to those guys and leave her alone.

[smoothy]

These "guys" are trying to get the new guy in trouble. And I agree with everyone... you don't mess around with anyone you work with just like you don't take a crap where you eat.
I'm guessing you don't have all that much experience with women either from the sound of it. Which only reinforces the "guys" yrying to have a laugh at your expense impression I get.

At a month, they don't even know you and have no investment to have any reluctance to do anything that could in theory end up with a firing. (you are still under probation most places)

[riverstyx0128]

Hi Smoothy, Thank you for your answer. I have had my share of relationships before, but I will admit I am inexperienced when it comes to office romance, because the women I was with in the past, I never met at a job, and I've never really had to deal with someone at the office who *might* have a crush on me. It's a lot easier in "real" life to decipher whether a girl likes you, but being within an office, where peoples' behavior is more subtle and constrained by office policy adds a whole other variable into the mix. I am a very cautious person in general, and don't usually make a move unless I am fairly certain she likes me "like that." Here I'm not sure, that's why I was asking for advice on this girl. I know *exactly* how to handle it though. When I go back to work Tuesday, I'll tell her thanks a lot for offering to help, and if you ever have down time in the future, feel free to call and chat, or come over and hang out where I work. That's it. It's' simple. Then the ball will be in her court. So I won't risk any sexual harassment charges, or be labeled a sex predator.

[Alty]

When I go back to work Tuesday, I'll tell her thanks a lot for offering to help, and if you ever have down time in the future, feel free to call and chat, or come over and hang out where I work.

So you're going to encourage her to call you and chat, when she should be working, or come over and hang out with you while both of you are being paid to work?

So now you want to get both of you fired. Not a good plan.

[riverstyx0128]

C'mon Alty, what am I supposed to do, just pass this up? This chick is really, really pretty. And my job is on the skids anyway. I think I'm going to get axed any day now. So if I don't make a move now, it might be too late, in just another 72 hours. Plus, I'm not really doing anything inappropriate: what I plan to say is an appropriate, restrained, professional but polite remark that has zero capacity to offend even the most sensitive woman. Plus, if she is really not interested, then all she has to do is not pick up the phone and call me, and not stop by my office. That is a really, really easy thing to do, and it's a no-pressure move that will also get the message across, crystal clear. And both of us do our work just fine. She's a cool chick, and I think there are some good conversations in store for us in the future.

[Alty]

Your job is already in jeopardy after only 4 weeks?

Maybe you need to spend less time thinking about the pretty girl you work with, and more time thinking about your job. You're not paid to flirt with fellow employees.

Hopefully she's smart enough not to call you on company time, or come to your office to hang out on company time. If so, I doubt she'll be to fond of the guy that got her fired.

But you're right it is her choice. Hopefully she's smart enough to make the right one. If not, you will have great conversations in the future "remember when we met and I got you fired? Wasn't that a great time?"

Sigh.

[riverstyx0128]

Alty, I'm *not* thinking about her that much. I just like puzzles and hard-to-read situations, about anything really, because it makes me think and try to scour for clues. Personally, I could give a **** less if this chick isn't really interested in me. Yeah, she's pretty and all, but I think *lots* of girls are pretty, girls who I don't entertain a further thought about in terms of relationship material. She's German, and the guys at work said German chicks are real ball busters. So I don't really need that. One of the guys that knows this girl said that yeah, she personally is a pain in the . So who knows, maybe she'll be the one to make a move and I'll tell her to go take a hike, I'll kick her to the curb. *To be honest*, I don't think anything is going to come of it. It just won't. So you can relax, really... she is not going to lose her job. Or at least, she will not lose her job *because of me*. I, on the other hand, will likely lose my job, with or without her help. I'm going to get axed soon if I don't shape up. Another week or two, at the most.

[Alty]

What are you doing that makes you think you're going to lose your job?

What do you have to do to shape up?

I'm a German girl. If the girl you like is anything like me, she won't lose her job over you, and she did call you to get more work because she didn't want to sit idly at her desk doing nothing, when she's paid to work. Germans are raised to work hard. You don't take money you didn't earn. If you're working, you work, you don't sit around twiddling your thumbs or trying to hook up with other employees when you're being paid to work.

So stop worrying or even thinking about her, and start worrying about your job. Shape up! Or is it too much for you? Are you not able to do this job?

[riverstyx0128]

This job is quite difficult. I am a very smart person, a real bookish, intellectual type. I'm not bragging about that at all, and the reason you know I'm not bragging about it is because when I was in graduate school, I was around people who were smarter than me every day. But I only recently learned that intelligence is only a small part of the picture. You have to combine that with hard work, and other intangibles, like soft skills and an understanding of human psychology. This job is on paper very simple. I have to call people and get them to book appointments. But it requires all of the soft skills and ability to make a connection with another person that I just dismissed years ago. So I am having to make up for that, and very, very quickly, like within the span of the next 2 weeks. I like the job because it is challenging me to grow and develop those qualities, and I think if I do, that will bode very well for my future career.

I am looking to start a career in investment banking, and to do that, you not only need the fancy degrees, you need the people skills and ability to connect with others. So this job is only a step along the way, but I consider it a very important job, because it is the first test of whether I can survive doing what I never set out to do. You know the stereotype, of the dorky, bookish intellectual type that is pretty bad at social interaction. That is partly me. But I am trying really hard to outgrow that for the sake of my job, and my confidence in my ability to develop and procure the qualities I need to succeed in investment banking.

[talaniman]

Just be cool do your job well and learn your surroundings and the people you work with. That includes the pretty girls you work with. You don't have to get carried away by flights of fancy, and you should have a life that you enjoy besides work, or be building one.

I took this as a simple question from curiosity, and maybe some intrigue, which is natural. None of us knows the girl, and neither do you just what you have heard from the guys at work. Keep your feet on the ground and you will be fine as you acclimate.

[smoothy]

Do yourself a huge favor... treat any person of the opposite sex just like a sister or your mother... meaning squash any romantic notions.

Nothing good can possibly come of it. I've seen a LOT of people lose their jobs over just that. People with a LOT of years and a lot of value to the emploer, not a recent hire who really doesn't have much yet.

As far as the people skills, as far as your ability to walk up to someone you don't know and be the one to strike up a conversation, it might be awkward at first... but if you apply yourself given time it will become easy and a second nature.

Trust me. It won'thappen overnight, but stick with it and you can overcome any shyness and awkwardness that comes with it.

And save any romantic notions for women not associated with your employer... meaning AVOID emlpoyees and customers.

A LOT of companies basically haze the new guy, feel him out to see how gullible he is...and if they are...they are going to have a LOT of fun with him until he wises up.